May I be the one to hold you
When the light begins to fade?
May I be the sun that shines on you
When you are caught out in the shade?
May I be the rain that falls
Gently on your skin so hot?
And may I make up for all your blemishes
And all the things that you are not?
Do you think I could be the one
To hold you close at night,
And could I be the one
To tell you that it will be alright?
Do you think you could let me love you
And never let you go?
Do you think you could let me care for you
And begin to let it show?
I want to be your laughter
And the smile upon your face.
I want to be your glory
As you win your race.
I want to know if sometimes
Would you let me share your blame?
And I would like to know if someday
You would do for me the same?
A contest entry
- Love like no other by okadadokie.
680 points, ended April 24, 2008, 30 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~♥~ Hopeless Romantics and Other Sad Love Poems ~♥~ by Shassidy.
525 points, ended April 21, 2008, 67 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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I like this write, it is deep and meaningful. Sorry for the delay.
~Oka/KC -
OMG! again i am moved by another piece which is truely a work of art! I cant again relate and it gave me goosebumps. Im a sucker for rhyme and a slopy write so u ticked all my boxes! You have a talent at expressing your feelings very well, never let it go!
Them last lines wrapped it all up well.... ~ Kirsty x
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This is a really great piece! I love the last two lines because it conveys a lot of emotion and ties the poem together. The rhyming in this piece is also really great because it flows well and works with the poem. I also like how a lot of the lines in this poem are questions, because that leaves a lot of the wondering up to the readers as well. The title is creative and reflects the poem well, so great job with that. I only have one small pointer: starting lines with "And" can tend to make the line a little choppy. Anyway, great job and good luck in the contest!
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Lovely poem. The flow is beautiful as are the rhymes. And the allusions are wondeful, i love;
"May I be the sun that shines on you
When you are caught out in the shade?"
I like how you've taken a conventional image of the sun shining, and made is slightly different from most writing, by contrasting it with the shade.
The last line "you would do for me the same?", is a perfect end to the poem, and is an extremly striking and powerful question. Impressive poem, do you mind me asking if the person it was written for ever saw it?
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This is a well written poem, and the it flows very well. It just so happens the subject appeals to me very much, thank you for writing this, It struck a cord in me.
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very cute
i love cute romantic poems, a decade old and still it rings tru, good peice! -
Beautiful
This is very beautiful, I really like it. Good job, good luck &ty 4 entering
~Lorissa~ -
WOW. I really like this! I'm glad you commented on my poem or I would have never gotten to read your work. It's deep and it's sort of just like..I'd do and be everything for you..if you'd just let me show you I can...sorta thing. Awesome =]
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Very Good Poem
It's good to feel love, atleast most of the time.
Good poem.
"BOO"
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this is simply beautiful, enough said
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Vanessa this is so touching... beautifuly expressed.
A truly touching piece that pulls at my heart strings
how we all should have someone like you to give and recieve the passionate love you have expressed here. Well done vanessa.
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Wow this is such a wonderful poem. So romantic and full of love
Keep writing and God Bless
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Beautiful.
This brought a lump to my throat, such loving words are spoken here. I really liked this poem. There isn't a verse I could single out as my favourite as each one is so good. Thanks for sharing. Julie.
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woe, marvellously revealed! as a poet you're great...
wow.awesome work, very brilliant. -
Plaintive plea.
Beautifully written plea of love that catches the reader's attention and a deep down fear builds that the ending will not be happy, although it is non committal. Maybe a sequel for his answer is unkown but I plaintive sincere cry for love to be returned. Great flow and rhyming Loved it
Barry
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this was quite descriptive...I really like the way you take ordinary things and make them seem quite extraodinary in your own way. thank you for sharing. keep up the great work. peace and light, kp
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Many a word to make the soul glow.
No more can I say. -
I really like how much description you have. I always like descriptions. I think that you did a wonderflu job in writing this. Keep up your great writing.
~Alix -
what a wonderful poet you could be. Ready to take on anything for Loves sake. loved one is fortunate to have a caring person like you.there is a mix of every benevolent thing, a sister, a mother and a nice friend. You wanted to share everything, alas! even the blame.It makes me at once admire you. thank you Vanessa for sharing this poem.
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I hope he says YES
If not, I find myself to be available
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Beautiful Write !
Beautiful!!! I can not say more.In one word...Beautiful!!
PS: I read this over 3 times ? I don,t think that i have
ever done that before,,,BRAVO !
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This is a great peice of work...
I love the third stanza
"Do you think I could be the one
To hold you close at night,
And could I be the one
To tell you that it will be alright?"
It draws so many scenes and pictures, great peice keep writing. -
Ah, what a fantastic poem, i really liked this so much Vanessa,i think in the 3rd line you probably meant on instead of one but apart from that . Excellent and keep up the great work. Kenny
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Thanks for picking that up, I changed that. Thanks for the great comment.
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I like the whole idea. A heartfelt poem, and you bring out your emotions very well. The background gives the whole poem a kind of serenity and peace. Its lovely.
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