It's been three nights, Only one girl in my head
Dreaming about her everynight, when I fall asleep in bed
It don't matter how it comes, as long as she's in it
I wish it would last longer because it only feels like a minute
first dream I had, it was just her and me
She was staying at her grandparents house, who appearently lived on my street
Spent the whole summer, always together
That was the best of the three, it couldn't get any better
The next one I had, I got a little mad
She was with someone else so I was a little sad
At least it made her happy, it made her smile
And because of that it was worth my while
Last dream I had, was interesting to me
I was about to perform in the talent show, and lost my voice to sing
Didn't have my voice but then it got better
Because I saw Lua Hedayati's name on a letter
My voice came back, alls was well
And those are the dreams I do wish to tell
Author notes
dedicated for the girl i am madly in love with
A contest entry
- To You... My Love by pimp daddy satin.
303 points, ended April 21, 2007, 110 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dreams by k2vet.
600 points, ended April 27, 2007, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - What love really is by willowprincess.
675 points, ended May 16, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love by danigirl1940.
360 points, ended May 16, 2007, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - All I Have by xstitchedxclosex.
387 points, ended July 1, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dreams......... by Maybe Anastasia.
300 points, ended September 1, 2007, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love Dedications by Blooming Poet.
440 points, ended January 3, 2008, 53 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I'm glad you've found your heaven in this one special girl. Being madly in love is an amazing feeling I know. Great write, great content and great form.
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very simple, yet very sweet. it made me smile. good job and good luck.
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Very good. From my point it seems to come from you very well. I really like it, good luck
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Awwww how sweet! Hey, you commented on my shit, but you're a pretty darn good writer yourself... I thought this poem was very sweet, the only thing I'd work on is the following lines:
The next one I had, I got a little mad
She was with someone else so I was a little sad
That seemed kinda cliche to me... Words to stay away from: happy, sad, mad... The ones everyone uses... There are ways to describe anger and sadness without the cliche words... like instead of saying "I was mad" you could say "There was steem shooting out of my ears like in the little kid's cartoons, and my eyes were like two blazing red fireballs that even the sun couldn't compete with"...
See? They both SAY the same thing... one just sounds cooler.
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I really enjoyed this piece, personal and sweet. I thought your rhyming was a little forced, but not enuf to take away from the point of your poem. At least it made her happy, it made her smile
And because of that it was worth my while
THAT line makes you better than a lot of men. True love isn't jealous and wants the other to be happy. Thank you so much for such a tender read. keep penning!
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