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Love Perhaps Blossoms

Perhaps, I could have promised to
Harbor unconditional feelings of
Flailing love, for you [forever]
But [forever], would be too long away
To wait...so surely as do puddles seep
And rain, dissipates; their secrets kept

In memory's wade

I wait to cry the rain again; or

Fade into blossom's bliss:

 

"My solemn, silent outpour

Commands a tremendous,

Defiant uproar", but

I do not mean to preach

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

 

Tomorrow, I'll bask in rain or shine

I'll be fine because the day is mine

Lightening, hasty to strike twice

The same body, fashion, or device

I may be blind, but passion rusts 

For love, I lust; in fate, I trust and I believe

Surely, there must be a fate for me...

I will admit defeat...I will concede, but...

 

"Somebody call the coroner

Love has struck, again

Just around the corner"

And utterly out of reach

Author notes

To, unowhour:
There once was a surge of love
But now, that is gone
A plaster of fondest devotion
But, I got that all wrong

She has me lost from memory
And it is plain to see...
My love, my love
Why have you forsaken me?

Please tell me what you think

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Comments


  • ILTL4eva7
    April 12, 2007
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    Oh my... now this, I love. The internal rhyme is amazing - it flows so well, it sounds like it was meant to be there. I especially like the series of "rusts-lust-trust" in lines 22 and 23. Line 19 has an air of confidence that I really love. I can't even pick a favorite section, because each time I try I'm drawn to another. I like how you worked "blossom's" into the poem - it gives it more relation to the title, and it doesn't seem like you tried to force it in at all. I'm wondering if you meant to spell "lightening" as you have - the stuff that comes with a storm is "lightning," but you may have been trying to use it in a different sense, or as wordplay. The images throughout the entire piece, especially the references to nature, are vivid and draw me in to the very end. I'm glad you kept the original in your author's comments - although I'm now extremely fond of what you have, the original has its own appeal.
    To me, it seems that the first section is right after a split, and the speaker is coming to accept it, but at the same time wonders if this is truly the end... the second section is total acceptance of what has happened, and a bit of confidence in the hope that whatever happens, it will be right. There will be a second chance - maybe not with this particular love, but with love in the future. However, there is still a hint of doubt with the ending - I can see it as being the first time the speaker sees his former love after he comes to accept the situation, and realizes that not all his feelings are gone, that he's not sure if he can start again.
    I don't know if that's what you intended, but it's a pretty nifty story in my head... and there is, of course, more, but I'm now being accused of writing a book, so I'd better end it. I've got to admit, I think it's awesome that you expanded on this after I said something - maybe you had already meant to, but you don't have to tell me that. Love it, love it, love it - keep it up!
    ~Kelsey

  • ILTL4eva7
    April 10, 2007

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    Short and bittersweet. A subject most people can relate to and sympathize, if not empathize, with. Maybe not the most well-crafted piece, but it's heartfelt and emotional... I consider that to be the true basis of poetry. Personally, I am actually rather drawn to what you have written in your author comments - it seems more free-flowing, more straight-from-the-battered-heart emotional... I would love to see that expanded on. The title of this piece is also intriguing, as it's written in present-tense, but the poem itself is about love (seemingly) already ended. Is there still hope on the horizon? I wonder...
    It's good to see you back, even if it is just to post this one piece. I wish you luck, both with your poetry and with life's struggles, and I hope to see you back again.
    ~Kelsey (the young, angsty, emo-ranting lioness :-P)


    • April 12, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Expanded...as per your request, ma'dam