Your picket fence blanched my roses,
directly to the bloom.
You double their pallor,
skin whitewashed by delight.
Worms tightly cocoon around webs of darkness.
Cotton covered moldy, they squirm in your stomach.
What will happen happens.
I don’t mind the wait,
there is no breath
left to bait.
Borrow treasure—failed to trust,
the final night—bitter loneliness.
Tears shed with wonder,
how mortal of Fate!
This unholy union,
most reprobate.
Read this rain
STOP!
The words are ready;
nail the lines
drop
by
drop,
I laugh at umbrellas.
What will happen happens.
I don’t mind the wait,
there is no breath
left to bait.
All I felt for you has soured
and become the venom that poisons me.
Author notes
i haven't been able to write so much as a shopping list in months. worked hard for this one. i hope is at least average and acceptable...
A contest entry
- methadone & thistle ( to burn a poem ) by jaunty pill.
1800 points, ended May 9, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Cool
Well babe its one hell of a shopping list... i really enjoyed this poem...
-
Gleefully I grab for that ending , Even though in all aspects , I should be checking for a container of poison somewhere close....
I think some of your punctuation is a tad unneeded. Like "...." or " ! ". Could be just because I tend to actually pause there and in your poem I think the pause should be more unannounced. You want the reader to pause , Like what you have done with the spacing , But I wonder if a full stop is what this poem calls for. It's really up to you I think. But personal preference sways me towards keeping the spacing and ditching the filler.
You have some great imagery in here. Which is always true from your end. Lovely first stanza and I'm digging the line and switch " I laugh at umbrellas ". Tremendous use of getting the readers attention.
My it is just wonderful to see an entry from you and even more so since I have not had the pleasure of reading your stuff for awhile. It always amazes me how an author can still grab my attention , Even after reading them for so long.
This is truly remarkable stuff with only a few nit-picks.
Thanks for entering and good luck ,
James
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