Kate's wet hair turns to straw
on this cold April morning,
while inhaling a granola bar
on the way to her car.
Ground is aching from the belated
snow contending with the spring.
Windows covered with rippling water
that seems to have just stopped.
Gray and white smells cleaner than green.
Her head cold won't cease,
but for a second she smells the burning firewood.
The warmth of her legs,
now burns in bitter cold.
She finishes her make-up,
as the car idles.
Checks for coffee change,
fifteen minutes to nine.
"A dusting of snow my ass"
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Checks for coffee change,
fifteen minutes to nine.
what a great picture of the momments of the beauty you got here my friend ..just beautiful and lovely images bringing a kind of feel of the love and heart touching scenario..This is a great write indeed. The most beautiful aspect of this write is its pace which reveals slowly the magic of the poem in each verse but one by one..Thank you so much for such a pretty work my friend..
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I agree this is cute. I like the line 'Grey and white smells cleaner then green' It's different. I've never seen a line like that before. This was very interesting, thanks for the good read.
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This is so cute. And I love the last line I never expected that. Really nice job it flows nicely and is well written. But it is a little hard to read with the color of the words against this backround. And I like the title because that is my name. Good job keep it up.
Never give up
Kate -
I couldn's help but laugh. I love winter but I have to say, on one of those days when you are just not feeling well and you've heard on the news, 'just a light sprinkling of snow'....pft, whatever to that. Makes me feel the same as your last line, my ass. lol You've really teased the sense with this one, and created a very vivid moment that I am sure others can relate to, such as myself. Thanks for the chuckle, clever penning.
Ashley
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Wonderful...!!!!!!
Hi... how have you been? Am back after a long while and it's so good to read your poetry. You bring in a fresh, new experience every time. This poem alternates between coldness and warmth. There is a heightened sense of smell, what with the Granola bar and stuff. I just loved the way you have made us perceive the 'smell' of colors. Neat work. You deserve a pat on the back, a feather in your cap, and a big... BIG hug! Good luck and God bless
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Very good
Oh as we stride through anothers steps for the day we do muse on how alike we all are and the last line did surprise me but hey thats our unique signature it was great
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I LOVE THE LAST LINE! it is just so typical but i so did not see it coming
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I love how you've created such a unique tone, how you've created, or somehow manifested this woman Kate. I want more!
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Inhaling a granola bar. I can visualize Kate!
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I like your poem and your 2 stanzas
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i thought that the elements of nature infused into the poem made for a clever write. the smells and sights and sounds were a good touch. i felt the irritation with the disturbed rippling water and the cold in her legs. i was thrown off by the last line. where is she? is she still in her car? when does the setting change to where she is outside?
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She's still in the car. She is just saying to herself in aggravation "a dusting of snow my ass". Thanks for the comment, you always give great ones.
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I think that's how we all feel when we get more snow or rain or whatever than the weather said we are going to get.
~Alix -
man, that last line really did it for me. you lulled me in with a beautifully writen story, that seemed to be about an average morning, then the true feelings behind it are revealed. april snow is always a downer, especially when its unexpected.
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