trimmed and penciled in gold and red
these eyes of a monarch or madness
seering and blinking empty over the framework
halls bricked in photographs of faces
as the needle in the parlor skips
"off with her head-
off with her head-
off with her head..."
all your records sing the same song now
like everything and everyone else
played into submission
you're the queen, for certain
but what pleasure is a soulless playground?
and what will history say of you
when your head is on the chopping block?
the last one to roll
colour and hope back into Wonderland
Author notes
it's not so much a completely twisted fairy tale as a differently angled look at the mad queen from Wonderland. She's one of my favourites... and i really just don't think that Disney did anything good for her...
anyway, best of luck with this contest.
~ suzume
A contest entry
- She's Everything You're Not by Exodus.
1050 points, ended April 27, 2007, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Twisted Fairytales by JustBeingDevine.
825 points, ended November 30, 2007, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Cool
I like the twist you put on this. Very good! Thanks so much for entering. and good luck....
Jenn
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this is a very neat idea of looking at the queen of hearts. I wish you luck.
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I enjoyed reading this. Though you wrote about her in a way you did not refer to her directly, which was what I wanted, so thank you for that. I only have on tiny suggestion with this piece, get rid of the sencond "of" in the second line, it makes the aliteration more pronounced and isn't necessary for the flow of the piece. I really liked using records as a reference for her favourite line, abstract and appealing. The second last stanza is very powerful and incredibly true. I think I read a story like this once. All the colour had gone out of Wonderland and it was up to Alice to bring it back, either that or it was a dream XD
Anyway, thank you very much for entering and best of luck
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Thank you much for the constructive criticism. I agree, now that you pointed it out - the alliteration is much improved by cutting out that little word.
I'm glad you liked it.
As for the story this may have reminded you of; have you ever played or seen American McGee's Alice? because what you described reminded me a lot of that. I love that game. ^^
Hope your contest turns out well. -
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I have heard of it but unfortunately I have not found it any where in stores to buy. Damn Australia lol.
Thanks very much for taking is as constructive criticism rather than getting annoyed...I\'ve had a bit of that lately.
Much love
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heh, i like this one. it really brings out her character. ^_^
best of luck in the contest, dear.
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I loved this.
As a child I was always afraid of Alice in Wonderland, I never gave any thought to the queen being the way she was. You make it sound like there was possibly a softer side once upon a time. I really enjoyed this piece! It was more than excellent. -
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i'm sorry that i didn't reply to this right away. i've been so busy it seems lately. ><
i used to actually be afraid of alice in wonderland too. the cheshire cat kind of creeped me out. (in the same way that clowns still do. way too much unneccessary smiling) but as i got older, i really started to hate disney's version. i think they make a lot of the characters who were so cool kind of ugly. like in my mind, the queen really isn't all fat and red-faced. she's kind of like a manaquin. completely stone, pale, and serene... until you make her mad. then she comes unhinged in a complete 180.
wow... rambling me. ^^
have a good one. oh and thanks for reading my little poem. ^_~
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This is so eloquently done. A fantasy played out through words of sugared stings in the face of ego's disgust. I could see the character sitting alone, masking the loneliness she felt with an unnerving greed that pumped from deep within - Maybe not even recognising the loneliness any more.. a distant memory locked in the vault of her bitter humanity.
Best of luck
x
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wow... VERY eloquently put. and i think you understood this poem completely. thank you. ^_~
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You're most welcome.. I'm glad we caught the same train of thought.
:0X
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hollywood glam
this reminds me of a modern fairytale, which consists of the bad girls: paris hilton, her sister, and britney spears. "in gold and red"/"photographs"/"records"/everyone in submission. refers to their pride in their riches and fame. i thought that gold represented the bling bling that they had- such as gold jewelry, gold pendants, gold shoes
lol. the red represented the red carpet of fame, so often people admonish. the tone is bitter, because of the last four lines and the speaker looks with scorn at those rich girls. the girls seem to have everyone drooling and having them after their bodies, riches, and fame that's the submission part. while, one of the bad girls seemed to already have her head on the chopping block, ms. spears.. having had her judgment. in the old days, women were publically humiiated by having their heads shaved. that is in a way, the chopping block.
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