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Troubled Teen

we cleaned your room today
took the pictures off the wall
dug your dirty clothes from
under the bed, in the closet
and threw them in garbage bags

you weren't happy here
didn't want the love we show
the care we give
only wanted your freedom
to do what you like

slept most of the day away
skipped school
ate all the time
so depressed you can't think straight

but neither can we
so it’s time for you
to go

your dad, after ten years
has stepped up and said
he’ll keep you for a while
nothing definite as to time
but if you give him the flak
you gave us it won’t be long

grandparents aren’t meant
to raise teens twice
we tried
and it might have worked
if you cared a bit about anything;
yourself, others and even us
but this was not to be
and we hope you find
what you are searching for
-your self esteem

no friends, failing grades at school
living in a make believe world
on Nexopia and Vampirefreaks.com
texting to anyone
in your social life

so busy you have no time
to wash clothes,
to look after yourself properly
think we nag when we ask you
to clean your room and do your homework

we kept our cell phone
the one you used for
a thousand dollar phone bill
that first month you came,
the ipod, the ghetto blaster,
so there’ll be nothing you can
do except read
or do school work
at this new place you will be living at

no computer, no house phone
just a house in the country
where you will have time to reflect
on your life and hopefully make
a choice to change it for the better

nothing we can do to help now
we watched you leave as
pieces of our hearts went with you
you will always be part of us
no matter how far away you are

we wish nothing but the best for you
may you make the right choices now
find your inner strength to
dig yourself out of this hole
come out on top
smiling, just like you used to

miss you sweetie




Author notes

Grannyeri
Help Me Feel Again

It's up to her now, may she find that inner strength to climb back from that hole she's in to smile again.- true story

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 99 of 550     1 2 3 4  next >  (show all)

  • My-Butt-Is-On-Fire
    2 days ago
    Edit | Reply
    Breath taking! Simply! Good luck!

  • n.e.o.n
    2 days ago
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    This is such an emotional poem. I am sure many parents/grandparents can relate. I hope things are much better now; considering it's been quite awhile since you posted this. Well done on the trophies and applauds.


  • Antebellum
    November 11
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    wow this is amazing. I know someone this remindes me of.
    Such an emotional write, its no surprise youve recieved so many trophys.
    thank you for taking the time to enter.
    good luck


  • Fallen-Thumper
    November 10
    ?
    Edit | Reply

    thank you for entering

    wow, this piece has a lot of emotion and is really strong, just doing that can change people and i hope things have worked out. A really great write and i love it, good luck and thanks for entering!
    -enguin-


  • The Hardest Goodbye
    November 6
    Edit | Reply
    Holy crap this poem has a lot of comments. I can see why too. Amazing, just .. amazing ! =]


  • savemysoul
    November 4

    Edit | Reply
    i really liked this, and the fact it was personal. i understand completely and i liked the emotion. this poem is deffiently sad and i feel for you. i wish you the best of luck and thanks for entering.

    - jordan.

  • division
    October 26
    Edit | Reply
    i remember reading/commenting this, but i don't mind doing it again. (:

    this poem was very heartbreaking, but very, very true.

    good job and good luck


  • DarkLadyDragoness
    October 5

    Edit | Reply
    I was a difficult teen raised by a single grandfather. My grandmother died when I was 8. He tried for years to find a mother figure, but wasn't successful. He did great on his own, but I often felt hindered. He never gave up on me and I can appreciate that. I also have a difficult teen myself, so I can relate to both sides here.


  • Man of Harlech silver member
    October 2

    Edit | Reply
    I wouldn't attempt to comment on this, as a poem, but I can react to this as a person. I am a parent of two grown daughters, and I was a group therapist with three years of teaching parenting to adolescents and parents. I can assure you that you are not alone. You obviously have much love to give but I would like to hear some positive and hopeful things about your granddaughter. Surely, she is not 99 percent bad. You mention "smiling." Let's begin with that image.


  • Loveandblessings2u gold member
    October 2

    Edit | Reply
    wow, i am sure a lot of people can relate to this piece.
    all i can really say is that you tried your best, there was
    nothing more you could have done. hopefully she will turn
    her life around for the better, maybe she wil learn from
    her mistakes, there is always hope. just always let her know
    that she is loved and pray. this is a very touching poem,
    emotions run deep and right from your heart.

    loveandblessings2u & yours always
    joyce

  • humble1
    October 2

    Edit | Reply

    nice, full of emotion

    the first thing that springs to mind though is bi polar-doe she suffer from it and hasnt been diagnosed? i suffer bpd-maybe she has this-im just depressed all the time dont want to do nothing but its an illness and with the right help can feel a little bit normal, i cant control the way i feel-used to be a hockey player got picked for the england team but then i lost it all some how my hormones took over....just a thought-hope she see's the light


  • Naridill gold member
    October 2
    Edit | Reply


  • Andi. gold member
    October 2

    Edit | Reply
    sounds a bit like my own life.
    wow.
    thank you for taking us for a trip into someone elses sad life, having to say goodbye to someone they obviously loved and cared about alot.
    well done and best of luck in however many contests you have this entered in
    ♥ andi.


  • xSarahx
    October 1

    Edit | Reply
    This is definitely a relatable piece, and I may be younger, probably not far away from your granddaughter's age, but I've been in the situation of having to say goodbye to my own family, who felt that their "disability" was a reason to sit on the computer all day, not cleaning, not even putting dishes in the sink. I know the frustration and angst you feel in this, and yet the sadness of wishing they could just step into your shoes and see what they're doing that's so upsetting... ahh I've been there, done that. This hits home very hard, and I love it. I saw my grandparents in this piece trying to be the ones to mend the tension, and my mom's heart breaking as we packed boxes...
    The imagery was profound and although the words were very simplistic, this free verse really opens up so the reader can be there in the same room as those clothes go into garbage bags... Beautiful write.
    Best of luck to you in whatever comes your way, stay strong.

    -Sarah


  • ghostofligeia
    October 1

    Edit | Reply
    Honestly, you seem more hurt by your granddaughter's lack of appreciation for you than you do by what you've characterized as her rather crippling depression. If you're so depressed you can't possibly care about yourself, then you honestly can't be expected to care about anything, even a relative who is pouring their time, energy, and love into you. I don't know...I mean, I'm not questioning what I assume was an eventual removal of her from your house since this is surely a very, very limited view into the events there. But a lot of people seem to take okay to life, and just marvel at people who don't. There are a whooole lot of people out there for whom life is really intensely difficult, just merely existing is intensely difficult.

    A line like "no friends, failing grades at school..." kind of gives an impression that you find that totally pathetic. I'd imagine that's not your genuine feeling towards her, but that's what it kind of suggests to me though. You can't really just make a decision to change your mental state...if you have absolutely no self-confidence, you're not going to make friends. And if you don't make any friends, you're not going to develop self-confidence...it really is a hell of a cyclic life to get wrapped up in, and there's no easy way out whatsoever.

    I guess the point is that whatever she did to you and whatever disrespects were thrown your way, I hope you realize that there's a 95% chance that it's just because of a cohesively bleak view of the world and the universe...there's little love to be found in oneself when one is in such a state.

    And in terms of a meaningful comment, it was pretty well-written but didn't blow me away and honestly didn't strike me as all that poetic. It pretty much could be organized into sentences and function as prose in a way that wouldn't seem odd whatsoever. I guess I like a bit more imagery, alliteration, and the like in my free-verse poems...to each his own. Definitely emotional though, and that's a plus.


  • Stirrer of Stardust
    October 1

    Edit | Reply
    Been there for some of this (think many of us can relate to parts of it...), if not all of it, in one way or another. My family is large enough to have a bit of everything! Life has its moments, that is definitely true, but if you seek the answers to your questions, and are okay with whatever the results bring, you can meet most anything.

    Hope this poem helps. If not this one, maybe another - there's so much to be found on this site, and in life, how can one not smile?

    Love & Blessings,

    ~ ~ Janet ~ ~

  • hendiadys
    October 1

    Edit | Reply

    a sad (so far) story

    But to look at it as a poem, overall, it's too long. Your punch line is good. But you tell too much what you want us to feel, rather than just stating the really significant things which would make us feel it. Your first stanza is excellent. But thereafter it's all about you rather than her.There's all that's needed there, but also a lot that's not really necessary, and little or nothing that gives a real insight into the (presumably) grand-daughter and her problems. Don't describe, just tell selectively, provide the telling detail. Less is more!
    But keep that last line, and find a way to make it even more of a contrast.

  • G.String
    October 1

    Edit | Reply

    Sad

    I`m glad I read this,so true,hertbreaking and happening all over
    the world today,plaguing families,breaking hearts.
    It`s extremely painful,I can identify too too well.
    Luv the natural flo this write has,the concern and hope.
    Wish you all the very best.Thanks for sharing.


  • frownsnfreckles
    October 1

    Edit | Reply
    its very sad what seems to be happening to our children these days, they seem quite lost in a world that projects so many false identities upon them yet does so little to help them find their own. I hope things work out in the end for you all.


  • LonelyAngel
    August 27

    Edit | Reply
    wow, a true and potent story! I only wish her the best of luck and to get a smile back. You did good to write your emotions down and tell the story of what you have now had to go through.

    Thanks,
    Best of luck,
    Well done.

    xYx


  • Heroesrox
    June 8

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. This is so thought provoking and emotional. i loved this one. Thank you so mcuh for sharing this one with us. Best wishes to you and I hope that she does smile again!


  • Arkbear gold member
    May 29
    Edit | Reply

     

    ...deserving of all those Trophys!

     

    Stick to your guns....it is tough, but in the long run it will prove worthy....Bear -

  • division
    May 25

    Edit | Reply
    Title: 10/10
    Content: 15/20
    Originality: 20/20
    Emotion: 10/10
    Imagery: 7/10
    Grammar: 10/10
    Prompt: 20/20
    Total: 92/100

    Comments:
    This was a great poem! I feel the pain you are feeling after reading this poem. You displayed the emotion perfectly and wow, this just left me speechless.

    I loved how you also used what teenagers actually use these days. Any other parent would never even know about Vampire Freaks and you took the time to explore.

    Good luck and great job!


  • TheDemonEve
    May 22

    Edit | Reply
    Wow....I have a vampirefreaks.com account. I feel great now. =/ Either way, this is a strong piece. it shows love but firm determination. There's a certain strength to it that I like.

    Best of luck and thanks for entering!


  • perfectsunset gold member
    May 17

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, congrats on all the trophies,
    very well desered. This was a deeply
    grasping and heartfelt write.

    Excellent job!

    Best of luck & thanks for entering


  • tears.of.silence
    April 15

    Edit | Reply
    wow i'm so sorry for this. it's tough having to deal with children. You've done a great job. You've got 4 poems in the contest your points will be divided up. You have received a 20 for this one. Great work and best of luck to you. kahy

  • piccola silver member
    March 31
    Edit | Reply
    we just had to ask our granddaughter to leave. She is pregnant and I worry so, but it was the same situation. I guess my kindness crippled her. But whatever it was time to stop...
    thank you for your entry


  • Nostalgic Moon
    March 19

    Edit | Reply
    holy shnozz, bunch of comments and a bunch of trophies. lucky. haha anyhoo, this is really interesting! such a good story expressed through poetry and yeah.. i'm not sure what to even say but its really good =] muy excellent-o.
    thanks for entering =]


  • GothicFyre
    February 19
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, wow, wow. Really really good - I adored every single word you wrote, and it's so true!

  • Out Out
    January 19
    Edit | Reply
    This poem captures, well the view numerous parents hold of their fucked up teens. I know I was one, a fucked up teen. I don't really know if the parents are giving up or just trying something else. It seems that the parents have given up and sending the teen away is just some other attempted remedy.


  • love bleeds
    December 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    my life.......
    its bad if i would go back to my same shoes


  • Ginger Woods
    December 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is quite a sad, yet amazing write, at first I thought the child commited suicide, but then found he was simply being moved away, it was a very interesting twist, a very good poem. Where did you come up with the idea? Thank you for your entry good luck.


  • XxTwiceDisturbedXx
    November 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wowww excellent poem...i love the whole thing..it's very interesting but sad at the same time...good luck in the contest


  • FistfulOfRain
    October 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Well, I think that I'm getting an interesting point of view for this poem, seeing as I'm the teen not the parent, but from my view it was quite good. I enjoy how you just said what needed to be said, and didn't sugar-coat, but it also was still full of tenderness. This really made me think about my life, and what I want to do with it. Kudos to you for such an awe inspiring personal story, I truly hope that she finds herself and can overcome her difficulties.


  • Kimojuno
    October 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow-I can tell you truly do love your granddaughter, she must have really been close to you at one point for this kind of love.

    I hope everything turns out for the better,
    and please never stop writing you pen this so well,
    Jeff.


  • lilblueeyesmine1978
    August 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is wonderfully written. It truly deserves all the trrophies you have won for it. I loved the emotion and the hearfelt sorrow in this winderful work of grreat writing. I will try to read more from you soon.

  • perfectsunset gold member
    August 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow; this was so deeply heartfelt and exploding with emotions from stanza to stanza. That has to be the hardest thing to do; watch your child walk away..
    there's nothing you could do but just let them go and hope & pray that they will come back changed.

    This was so beautiful & full of honesty.
    Really tugged at my heartstrings.

    Amazing write.
    Thanks for entering & best of luck


  • xCandieKissesx
    August 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Aww this was a deeply heartfelt & emotional piece.
    You really tugged at my heartstrings.

    Loved it! & good luck in the contest


  • God is my reality
    August 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    oh this is so sad. It was interesting, I didn't really catch the flow of it, but it's different. I don't think this is quite right for my contest


  • Xianaria gold member
    July 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    thank you for entering! this is a very powerful write, the emotion and feeling of being drained by raising this wayward teen comes through quite vividly. i hope she does make it out and returns smiling.


  • after-silence
    July 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The ending is very touching. I really enjoyed reading this poem. Thank you for entering my contest!

    Somehow I enjoyed the irony that this is from the grandparents' point of view but uses all lowercase, no punctuation--basically non-traditional writing that is generally attributed to the ignorance of younger generations. I have no idea if that was intended or if it's how you normally write but it seemed like that might be relevant.

    Well, thanks again!


  • gothicchildren05
    July 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I can see somewhat how this would fit in because you took her in and tried to raise her the best you could but it seemingly backfired. Although, it doesn't really show parenthood.....it does show someone going through a hard time and you trying to figure out what that may be and to help the best you could. I hope it works out well for this girl in the end and her life gets on track which usually in these cases....it does. Nice piece.....thank you for entering and good luck to both you and the girl.


  • A.N. Divine
    July 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Im honestly not sure how I feel about this poem.
    It did follow the message I asked for, however, I was a child runaway and I think that perhaps you should observe the other side of the subject of this poem.
    Thanks for entering,

    C.Comatose

  • piccola silver member
    June 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I know the feelings expressed here. In our case it's World Of Warcraft ... seems to take away the desire to do anything. Depression so thick you could cut it with a knife ... yet unwilling to try and get help. Affecting all of us to the soul. It's like a creeping fog that gets in and is destroying all of us. Congrats on all the trophies; well deserved.


  • Shancy Fayre
    June 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I know right where you're coming from with every word you've written here. It is a deep piece. Thanks for entering. Shancy.


  • BellaD
    June 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is so touching and heartfelt and I have been where you are and I think I can share a bit of the heartache you went through. Well done.


  • Connor Blackbird
    June 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Regardless of its basis in fact - which I can't judge - this would have been a hands-down winner if you had written the first stanza and stopped. Everything after that seems forced and rather blunt; it's hard to be emotionally involved in a piece that leaves the reader with so little to think about.

    Thank you for entering; congratulations on the many other accolades this has received.


  • PaiigeBARBIE
    June 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this was so pretty/
    XDDD
    thank you for entering.
    i felt the pain in this.


  • Condemd RyeZing
    June 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Nicely written.


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    May 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This reminds me of that short story I once read called Your Shoes when a troubled teen ran away from home and it was monologue of her Mum being angry with her, then blaming her own mother for making her who she is which made her daughter the way she was, it was very heartwrenching.


  • Roaddog Wolf
    May 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    This is absolutely fabulous

    and look at all the well deserved trophies this has won and I see why, it is strong in it's message nd heart grasping as well. enjoyed the read very much


    Thank you for this entry and good luck in the contest


  • broken-colours
    May 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow. No wonder you've won all those nifty little trophies with this; it is rather powerful. True stories always hit the reader's heart more intensely than anything else, I'd say. Great job and thanks for entering.


  • PonyPride
    April 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is great, but i dont think it follows my rules


  • LittleAnn
    April 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Such a touching and beautiful poem... and also eye-opening... By reading this I realized how much I sometimes trouble my parents and especially grandparents.

    For me, this poem is a warning to change the way things are going on right now in my life...
    I am so glad I read this, it spoke to me on a very personal level...
    I will keep this poem in my heart.

    Keep on writing!
    Annie


  • aboomer silver member
    April 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    First off, congrats on all the well-deserved trophies on this!
    I know I've read this before - and really liked it. Your wording was excellent, full of great images and emotion - very well written.
    This is a very hard situation that many are dealing with right now - I have friends who have been/and are going through this....so an easily relatable topic.
    well done!
    thank you for your entry
    best wishes


  • khrisered
    March 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Terrific-speaks to many of our teens caught up in meism


  • Luminescence
    February 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I have definatly read this before.... i loved it then and I loved it now.... Its so sad and I can totally connect with is... but only somewhat. I am now living with my grandmother and grandfather.... but I pay them to live there and stuff like that... I pay my own bills.
    Great poem...
    Thank you so much for entering my contest and good luck,
    ~Lumin


  • Hebz
    February 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    It's a very nice poem & I wish all your dreams come true about it.

    I bet you didn't read the rules, esp. #4---plz re-read them

    Thnx for entering & Best of Luck

    GloriousGift
    Heba


  • animated lies
    February 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    The ending really completed this for me. It seems like a complex letter from a mother to her daughter. I see you have had a lot of recognition for this poem, which is great, I'm just not sure where it will fall in my contest. Very emotional write.

    Thank you for entering my contest.


  • Charley-
    February 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hello there and thanks for entering my contest anything goes your piece was very moving. It's a great story too thanks again for entering and best of luck too you.


  • Touchof1der silver member
    February 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful piece you penned here. Great job. The imagery and flow blended well together. Best wishes to you and thanks for sharing this with me. Keep that pen handy dear poet.
    ♥ Touchof1der


  • N e a r
    February 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I have read this before, and I still enjoy every bit of it!
    Your writing is so sincere and so deep when it comes to making one think.
    Thanks for entering. Good luck.


  • hilly
    February 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this has been a successful poem. I see you've won a lot already. Congratulations.

    My thoughts on this poem are that it's a great story. A lot of people can relate to it, or at least some part of it. I think it has something for a lot of people. But as a poem, I think the actual writing of it could've been done a bit better. I'd like to see it edited and improved, because I think you could really do something with it. Thanks for entering.


  • RyanosaurusWrecks
    January 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    apparently, you have done well in the past with this one...and this one sort of hits close to home, except i was the one who left my parents house when i was seventeen...for different reasons, of course, but the obvious heartbreak of events like these cannot be overlooked, and writing about it is the best way to let out pure emotion...thank you for the honor of letting me read this


  • Amunet Wolfbane Moderators member
    January 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This indeed is a very moving piece, it makes a solid impact and is very well written. Excellent work on this and good luck to you.


  • Demington
    January 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Great message

    I didn't really appreciate it for the poetic feel of it...I was too busy appreciating the message.

    This is a great display of some much needed wisdom.

    Love it.


  • Sinnastarr silver member
    December 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I'm sorry but this poem more than exceeds the 32 line limit stated in the rules. I will have to remove it from the contest. I hope to see your work in my next contest.


  • Hope Angel silver member
    December 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is sooooooooooo sad. I loved it... it jus made me feel the pain, anger and hurt. Good luck in the contest!


  • parntsoftwins
    December 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is so sad. It is truly heart breaking when we do and give all we have, yet the child will just not grasp it. It is sad when we have to let go and say goodbye Praying that one day they will understand what we taught them and be thankful for what we have done.


  • Heavenly Angel gold member
    December 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow!
    I know so many troubled teens and this piece just hit right square dead home with me.
    I was once that troubled teen; I caused my parents a bit of grief when I was 17 and thought I was grown and knew it all...
    I love this piece!
    Thank you for sharing it with me!


  • parntsoftwins
    December 4, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Please put what I asked in the a'notes, thank you.


  • BonaFidePoet
    December 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I love love love love love this!

    so depressed you can't think straight

    but neither can we
    so it’s time for you
    to go

    I really like how you mentioned everythihng that troubled you, and it's just very well written, full of emotion. Awesome job!


  • k.a.s.s.i.e
    December 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i don't think she would want her story on the internet. and i think teens should be able to figure their own way out.:<


  • karma-n-peace
    November 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    As I read this I found myself sobbing over my keyboard.
    My son, my baby boy, my only son and my oldest is killing himself with drugs.
    I am so lost without the boy I used to know, and trust but I too have had to come to the conclusion that in order to save him I have to ignore his excuses, promises and pleas. I have to send my son away.
    I am so sorry that you to (that anyone) have to go through this kind of pain.
    Best Wishes to You and Yours~


  • blackday
    November 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I know this is a nice poem, but I read it before. Could you please enter another, so I can have a read with fresh eyes?

    Thank you. :]

  • trace3grls
    November 24, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    great well so sad i think you have done the right thing as i went throught this also.....


  • badddgirl
    November 16, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is very good, I can relate in many ways.
    Thanks for the entry


  • DrunkenRam
    November 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Guilty (Everybody's guilty)

    Thanks for entering my contest, I will be commenting after it is over.


  • warrior-eagle
    November 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was very heart-breaking. I surely hope the situation is somewhta well.Thanks for entering.

    ..Simply Me♥


  • forbidden-colour
    November 13, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    aww great!
    thank you got entering.
    x


  • dreamweaver08
    November 4, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    good job, alot of emotion here!!!

  • poetrysheartbreak
    October 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is a wonderful piece, as all the many trophies you have rightfully earned with prove. This is love and emotion in it's purest form. Very well written, thank you so much for entering.


  • birch
    October 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    it's a really saddening story that reminds me of what was nearly myself some years back. i can appreciate your sharing this. thank you. dusty


  • Never Fall in Love
    October 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I'm sorry, but I remember this very clearly and have commented on it too before.


  • kellkell
    October 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is beautiful. i am a teen myself and i am amazed to see how well parents or grandparents can understand us. I almost cried so congratulatio

  • xTomorrowx
    October 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is great, i really enjoyed reading this, thanks heaps for entering it, good luck in my contest! =)


  • bonjourbunnie
    October 6, 2007

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    I really love this poem. Its very true - often we get so caught up in our own hurt and self absorbed reality that we forget about the people that love us, and we take advice as critism (even though, in a way it is, lol). I enjoyed this read however, and good luck in the contest.


  • lee-sharp
    October 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    http://allpoetry.com/column/2338472


  • lee-sharp
    October 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    yes

    and damn this is in a lot of contests. hahahaha


  • Viyanna Rosemarie silver member
    October 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    i would like to thank you for sharing your talent with me through this wonderful write. i wish you well in the contest that we both have entered. i am looking forward to reading more from you in the near future. viyanna rosemarie

  • Naridill gold member
    September 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Beautifully said, a truely captivating piece. A little lengthy and bland in some parts but other than that, a truely aspiring piece.

    Much luck


  • xxlisajazminexx
    September 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    heartbraking

    i loved this piece i have to say....
    alot of feeling and very heart felt also.....
    constructed beautifully............


  • Dancing Rebel
    September 20, 2007

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    Excellent

    Such a horrid thing to have to experiance. So sad and so beautifully written, I hope this girl gets it together.
    Thank you for entering my contest
    Good luck
    Zoe xxx

  • Mil
    September 9, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    http://allpoetry.com/poem/by/Mil check out some off mine please would appreciate some feedback


  • Previn
    September 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for the entry

    Sad stuff indeed.

    Hope she turned around.

    Regards
    Previn


  • Shauna D
    September 5, 2007

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    Well written

    Another well-written piece that I enjoyed. The situation appears unpleasant, a situation often portrayed on American TV shows a lot, most based on fact. Some people will not accept love or help even when it is presented to them. It is a great write.

    I did, however, notice a few small things. "Flack" does not appear in the dictionary, only as such minus the "c" i.e. "flak", a most common American turn of phrase, I believe. Also, the dash ( - ) before "your self esteem". Either remove it or place a double colon ( : ) at the end of the previous line. The other dash ( - ) at the end of this sentence: "if you cared a bit about anything -" is fine where it is because there is a space between the last letter of the last word and the position where you placed it.


  • islekine gold member
    August 16, 2007

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    You won the gold...

    You took my heart...
    I feel for you....Take care....sending strength and
    energy!
    *PEACE*

  • unraveled
    August 12, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    hm, i have definitely read this before. it doesn't lose it's charm with time, it's a very good piece overall. heart-wrenching. thanks for the entry

    cassidy

  • islekine gold member
    August 12, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Okay...

    At first, I was thinking...what the ?
    Then, I read on...and on...through my tears.
    This one REALLY got me...
    Thank you so very much.
    *PEACE

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