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Ungraciously Shunned {Etheree}

Deep
twisting
emotions
as I fall from
grace, forsaking love.
Wishing I could have been
spared from a public scandal,
my bleeding heart exposed to all.
What was it that made you so bitter,
you felt the need to rape my spirit too?

Author notes

My first attempt at Etheree, a form with ten lines that graduates by 1 syllable per line, from 1 syllable on first line to ten syllables on the last. Any constructive remarks appreciated.

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Paloszoo gold member
    October 6, 2008

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    Well done for your first! Enjoyed the content a great deal, and the last line was a powerful ending! Thanks for entering my contest. I’m honored that you would show your work here. Keep up the great work!


  • BehindTheShadow
    September 22, 2008
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    This poem reminded me of Clinton and Lewinski (sp?) this must be exactly how she felt. Great job!


  • Ryno
    April 12, 2007

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    Quite great, really. I liked how you took a story along even in such few short words, and you used the form to your advantage. Nice job.
    ~Ryan~


  • countrybabe gold member
    April 11, 2007

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    Nicely Done

    Nicely done cuz. I actually had a lot of trouble with the syllable count thing, but I got it sorted. This is great for your first attempt at this form.

    Keep writing

    Countrybabe


    • Errant Panther gold member
      April 11, 2007
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      Well I had a little trouble too had six syllables in line 5 and was one short in 7 and 8 so had to edit it. But it came out well. Glad you like it, thanks for the comment and applause.


  • Frozentearz
    April 10, 2007

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    Well clapping you done good there panther
    I love how you ended this "you felt the need to rape my spirit too? straight to the point,
    well done well done.
    Warm thoughts
    Frozentearz


  • Cupcrazy gold member
    April 10, 2007

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    Wonderful piece hun, loved the form and flow. What I especially liked was that it was one cohesive thought, soometimes I find this form leads to choppy thoughts, that takes away from the piece. But not this one, it is excellent, one thought flowed into the next without break, just extension and there is emotion bullding under the layers. great work Hugs, Bunny

1 - 7 of 7