Don't tell me
not to fade away
I've given up
gonna make it stop
now
to late
for you
to do
anything
you had your chance
you let me slip
through your fingers
I wasn't strong enough
to hold on
loosing my grip
don't think you can
come back now
it's all to late
this time
I'm gonna fall
deeper
A contest entry
- Four years and counting.... by LionessK.
600 points, ended April 30, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Want To Win a Contest? by ArmorXForXSleep.
360 points, ended July 31, 2007, 154 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I love it I feel this way all the time but sometimes you can't help it but to let people come back into your life because that is all you have known is them being in your life.
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Nice
A nice piece I have come across. The melancholy is dispersed in the poem. Keep the good work up.
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I really like how you have written..typed this out. The flow of your thoughts... very well put together. A feeling I can relate to.
Thank you for entering my contest.
~Kristy
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this reminds me lyrics - despite the non-rhyme sequence of verses. the poem has a solid flow and the form certainly kept me on my toes with following the shift as though they were the voices/ slight mood changes.
well done write with a solid universal theme that will bring many to appreciate this poem. -
bravo!
I think this is great. I love the way you took this metaphor and beat all you could out of it!
Well done,
Kj
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very good
i love this one, it's so amazing because i can relate to every single word you have written and it expresses the feelings of regret and of how sometimes we can't go back in time so well. i've been in this situation often, i love how you write about it.
good job and keep on writing, and i love the format of this poem!
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well to be like...well brutally honest with you (which most of the time I try to be) well I only liked the beginning... the rest of it is just too mushy and well cliché honestly... I like the "Don't tell me, not to fade away" part... thats cool... I was listening to a song the other day and I could of swear that it repeated "About to fade away" at the end when in reality it was repeating "F**k the pain away" which was like... ahh cursing too much ruins it... but yeah I like the fadding away part in your piece... and after reading your title again I like it too... because I do believe that "There's a moment where it's al too late" but yeah... I don't know what to tell you about the mushy parts in the piece...
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Absolutely amazing. I loved this. As the previous reader said, the 'slip between the fingers' is a bit cliche in poems, I'm guilty myself XD, but you worked quite well with it. The only thing I noticed is the usage of 'to' instead of 'too' in places. They count off for that in contests a lot of times so try and watch that. =) Good luck and an amazing job once again.
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To slip between fingers is a little cliché in poetry, but I think that you gave it almost a new breath of fresh ... and surely let the phrase appear in a wonderful poem ... superb format and meaning ... may want some more imagery, my only tip ... Another Great Job !!
~Ryan~
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