The room is almost bare.
no table just a couple of
worn out chairs and a portable tv
skulking in a dark recess.
A miserly electric heater
lends a modicum of warmth
while she huddles closer to its glow.
The tall, imposing lamp provides some light,
its shade a muted blue
and floral, elegantly fringed,
reflecting distant years of shimmying;
luxuriously wrapped in silk
beneath a blazing, crystal chandelier
she'd dance the light fantastic
with the wealthy and the grand.
But now she lingers
darkly, in this dusty room, alone,
while the lampshade hangs forlornly,
casting cruel, relentless light
on futile, fading life.
A contest entry
- Lampshade by J.J. Sass.
600 points, ended April 29, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Want You To Tell Me A Story. by SliptheFlitch.
500 points, ended May 8, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I like this. It's well done, but I didn't like the sentence structure didn't make much sense, as it broke your sentences unevenly. I did like the story line, and I loved this line:
she'd dance the light fantastic
it made me smile, because it reminded me of Procol Harem's 'Skip the light fandango'. Random thought, but it was goodgood. ^.^
Slip -
What Imagery
It is reminesicent of how some of us will end up in life. Very often the use or benefit of something is lost through the years. As I grow older, I pray I hold the image you have created here fresh in my mind. To reenforce the teachings of my parents, and to be grateful for words by wonderful authors like you here at AP!
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The emotion behind this is evident. However, the overwhelming use of adjectives and adverbs distracts from the story by telling the imagery instead of showing it.
Thanks for the entry.
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STUNNING
STUNNING WRITING HERE. WONDERFUL IMAGERY AS WELL. I LOVED READING THIS. KEEP WRITING, THIS WAS VERY VERY GOOD INDEED.
WAYNE
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Oh Iget the feeling from this poem a love was lost and the life once known has been altered to what one was left with is this so
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Wow!
I found this poem to be good. Simple is the language u have chose. I love this. Keep this up. Good day
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I like the play of nostalgia in this piece. I can really sense the wistful yearning for times long gone.
The short lines are definitely effective in drawing attention to the individual images presented. I was wondering about the lampshade itself, though-it seems to go from floral blue and fringed in the start of the poem to crimson at the end...or was that just a metaphor? And I think there's a length requirement of >20 lines...maybe some of the lines could be put together...
But I like the poem. It's sad, to think of one's life as futile in the end, when you know you're fading and will be gone any day -
growing old is a state-innerlife is ageless-excellent
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Wonderfully written. Seems to capture aging at its harsh reality. I'm finding middle age to suck sometimes
yet some days I wouldn't trade my knowledge or wrinkles for youth again. Funny how we think as we grow older. A very intimate, thought provoking write. Kelly
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