Doors slam, chains rattle.
You win the war, you lose the battle.
Ice cracks, dogs bark.
Tires screech, the fire sparks.
Lights blink, the wind blows.
You fake a grin, the sadness shows.
The knife cuts, trees fall.
One last tear completes the call.
Twigs break, rain drops.
Heart's bleed they'll never stop.
Needles scratch, grass gets long.
Drops of blood echo the beat of the song.
The clocks ticks, the hour strikes.
Kids whine, Parents fight.
The moon hides, the blood drips.
Now that he's gone, the broken heart rips.
Nails on a chalkboard, teeth grind.
You're all alone, with no one left to find.
You grab the gun, give the world one last kiss.
Thunder crashes, with no one left to miss.
Cookies crumble, rules bend.
A lightning flash, the world will end.
Tears fall, you hate good byes.
You can't hold on, so you just die.
A contest entry
- Anything Goes by karmacae.
700 points, ended February 14, 2008, 67 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Help me reach my 2000 comment By entering your poetry by Night Terrors.
400 points, ended May 11, 251 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
A kind of weird one for me...
Comments
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Suicide is never been my thing I find it very cliche, but you put a very inertesting twist on something done in much the same way.
The Positives:
A think that you wrote a fasinating poem lots of shotr fasinating lines that paint an unsual yet itrigueing poem. I loved the imagery.
Room For Improvement:
Nothing I can see you did wonderful
My Favorite Part:
Heart's bleed they'll never stop.
Needles scratch, grass gets long.
Drops of blood echo the beat of the song.
The clocks ticks, the hour strikes.
Kids whine, Parents fight.
The moon hides, the blood drips.
Absolutly fasinating i am at a lose for words
Overall:
I give this an 8/10 you did great. I hope to see you in my future contests thanks so much for entering.
~*~Apathetic Poison~*~ -
THANKS! Thanks thanks thanks thanks thanks thanks! THATS ALL I CAN SAY!!! oops...
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wow...i don't know what else to say really. another great piece of work that's for sure!
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sad
a bit morbid and sad. definately full of sadness. there is a sound and then an action/emotion. the short phrases of what happens strikes me as intense. pretty good poem
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