A puff of smoke and the raising of a glass,
All for a few moments of pleasure...
We know what we do, yet we care not.
Our lungs cry for oxygen
But the nicotine fills our blood,
Making our relaxation
Into something we perceive divine.
The bitter taste of liquors
That sting our throats as they slip down
That impair our memory and destroy our minds
Is not so great that we cease to drink,
For our cares seem to run farther away with every sip.
We know that we do, yet we care not.
We know what we do,
But, being weak, give in
As unto the slithering serpent
Who passed the proverbial fruit of knowledge
To the mother of our ancestors.
Would that that fruit had been from the tree of life instead,
For knowledge cannot save us from death.
A puff of smoke and the raising of a glass,
All for a few moments of pleasure...
We know that we destroy our lives,
Yet we care not.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Good
I was reading some of the other comments and I have to agree with natari moon- you could do a lot more with this. Maybe a little less tell and a little more show? Make me feel like I'm in a bar smelling cigarettes and drinking beer. Make me feel like, with every puff and every drink, I'm delving deeper and deeper into self destruction. Great message! I love you lines "Would that that fruit had been from the tree of life instead, for knowledge cannot save us from death." I love it, but disagree with it. I could write a poem about how life without knowledge would be no life at all... lol maybe I will.
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Wow...your poetry is alot stronger than mine i would have to say...this poem is true life..and sometimes people just gont get it
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well this poem was different....i like the point of view that your comming from but as a smoker and a drinker i do not see this as self destuction..abuse, neglect, murder, rape ect that is self destcution to our worl but we are all entites to our own opinion nontheless this was a great poem keep writitng your talented
~Chrissy~ -
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Perhaps I should make it a little more clear. I was really referring to the way some people (a LOT of people) do these things in excess. Drinking isn't bad for you as long as you don't drink too much. Smoking is bad for you, but if you control the habit and don't smoke ALL the time, it's not that bad. I don't see anything wrong with the acts themselves, and they're certainly not self-destructive in all settings. It's just when we take them too far, we really can hurt ourselves...
I have an uncle who is on an oxygen tank 24/7 right now, basically dying from emphysema because he smoked at least three packs a day for 30+ years, and he STILL does. Don't you think that's self-destructive? When you hear someone say "I'm going to go get plastered this weekend," (and I'm guilty of this, too) and then they end up drinking so much that they get really sick (and you CAN die from too much alcohol, everyone knows that), don't you think that's self-destructive?
...and abuse, neglect, murder, and rape would be classified primarily as the destruction of others, so while they are, to a large part, self-destructive, they're not good choices to write about when I want to write a poem about ONLY self-destruction and the weakness of humanity.
I'm trying to make a point with this poem that humanity is weak, because we have a tendency to give in to all our desires, no matter what the consequences might be.
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Well, a very interesting piece and well written. As a smoker that CHOOSES to smoke because I enjoy it, and an occaisional social drinker I ahve to say that I take great care not to foist my choice on another unwilling participant and yes i knwo the risks; it is not that I do not care, i do, but it is part of free will to make KNOWING choices as this. I think there are other things better placed on the soapbox, such as abuse and neglect and the earths destruction, but hey, we all have a right to our opinions, you shared yours and I mine and hope we can part amicably, agreeing to disagree
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i love beer
and i love wine i drink to make me feel divine whoo who:0 alcohol is the best and has saved humanity from destruction many a time
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"Would that that fruit had been from the tree of life instead,
For knowledge cannot save us from death."
I love those two lines. Excellent. And the last line too. This also feels familiar because I am somewhat guilty of these things, and at my age. I say somewhat because I'm not addicted, but I enjoy them though I knew perfectly well what I'm doing to myself.
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This had slithers of good imagery but I didn't feel drawn in.You are writing of cigerettes and booze.I think you could have delved a bit more.Image wise given me a more solid description.Made me inhale the distaste and urgency of addiction.Overall not terrible.
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Addiction is a killer. You have done an excellent job illustrating the all consuming nature of this beast.
Debby -
So true. I've known a few people who have a serious problem with either drinking, smoking, or both. It detroys them mentally as well as physically and affects those close to them. Sometimes it causes a broken heart even. Only those who get themselves into it can help themselves. They have to want the help first, and some end up never wanting it. It's far too sad for those who care about them.
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Nice write...
Well written demonstation of one of life's real challenges.
Salute!
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Here, here.... I'll drink to that.
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Excellent
A very powerful message..very nicely penned.. I would have to admit to being guilty of these very things..
Peace
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Thank you for the compliment. I too am guilty of these things (although I wouldn't call myself a full blown alcoholic or nicotine addict, I do occasionally smoke and drink too much). My eyes were recently opened to how destructive alcohol can be when I found myself lying on the floor with the most God-awful hemorrhages in both eyes from vomiting... they've taken weeks to go away, and they're quite noticeable. That was part of the inspiration for this.
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