She never walked
but flowed as if the wind
and perhaps she was
elated or despondent, she breezed
perhaps immune to any human
touch; one finger to bruised lips-
the beauty of crushed roses.
Here
the stones are carven with figures of justice
blind and naked
and frozen in judgment, a sword
to separate. Good from evil
from the severance between me and the black dress
draping secrets
the color of bruised stone.
Author notes
If you care, the Rayburn Building is one of those big marble edifaces housing the offices of the members of congress. Contest poem inspired by image posted at http://allpoetry.com/contest/2344402, thanks MasterB for the inspiration.
A contest entry
- Free Verse...But by masterblaster.
390 points, ended April 15, 2007, 28 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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I'm glad you said what The Rayburn is in your author notes, because I wondered the first time I read this. Yes, I read it several times, thinking what a wordsmith you are in sculpting such a beautiful poem. The constrasts are striking in softness and stone, but you pull them together with a sameness in an untouchable sort of silence. I'm left with a sense of awe. ~ K
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Congratulations
I knew when I read this the first time it was going to be a top contender and I am so pleased to see a winning gold trophy on what is truly, an outstanding verse. Well done and congratulations on your award. Deserving of this and much much more.
~Pamela 
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"one finger to bruised lips-
the beauty of crushed roses."
Intriguing, intelligent images. Well penned, Poet...Good luck in Di's contest... Wanda
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Thanks a lot, Wanda. You're very kind. I read one of your poems earlier today before the evil gods of WORK and RESPONCIBILITY dragged me away without a chance to comment. I'll try to make up for it... the poem was lovely.
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really great job. only thing that bothers me is that you use "bruised" twice- when describing the wall and her lips. so. maybe replace one of them? and i also agree with removing "the" in those two spots. it helps the poem flow better. but other than that spectacular job. i love it.
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Thanks a lot Sarahbeth. I hope you didn't mind the two bruises too much. I actually tried to do the repetition as a way to unify the two different images. Sometimes things work, other times not so much. I appreciate the feedback.
Brian -
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oh. okay. if that's what you were going for than that's fine with me. i just thought maybe you hadn't noticed. but no, it doesn't bother me too much.
and you're welcome!
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Hi, this poem has a lovely feel to it as if a story within a story, very poetic, I liked this a great deal, all the best in the comp, hugs Di
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Thanks, Di. There actually was a story inside a story, as the image you posted brought to mind something that happened several months ago, and I moved the setting one block south to create a convergence between the two things.
I appreciate you hosting the contest. It's often these inspiring centered contests that get me to convert a mish-mash of feelings or words into a shape I'm not too embarrassed to call a poem.
B
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a most enjoyable sojourn
elaine
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Okay straight into the nitpicky stuff...
I wonder about taking out two instances of "the" in the second line before "wind" and in line nine before "stones".
I found the use of the archaic "carven" interesting and I've been pondering it since I first read this but ultimately I think it serves to add to the image.
I like the multiple images you've created with the line breaks, spacing and enjambment, especially in line 4 through 6.
Appropriately windy.
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Nitpicky stuff is good. I'm wrestling with my use of articles and those little adjectives like "the"... I just read a section of Kooser's book where he suggests removing too many sounds stilted. They do decrease the oomph in a writing though. I'll have to think about it... I'm still trying to drag out a voice from the exhale. I actually switched carven to carved and then switched it back...
Maybe I need to get back in the burning house and toast my feet. Thanks, Ms. Tastic.
B
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It's good she flowed on by after Ashcroft. He'd have been on her with a bathrobe.
Beautiful work..all those people telling me could not be wrong.
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Thanks, kind sir. And you're right, we've had some interesting characters making aesthetic decisions in DC. I was going to try to do a DC poem for MaryCat's "I am a town" contest, but found myself utterly defeated. If this city could speak, I think there'd be such a cacophonous roar to shake the globe from its orbit (but it really is a nice city).
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Excellent breaks, the placement of them adds, and the spacing .. works wonderfully, leaving all manner of suggestion between the lines -- something I look for in a poem..
It's not just what is said but all the things that go unsaid in this, and well .. the more we don't say, the more we leave to be ..found ..
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Thank you, Me. I always try to work the breaks for all they're worth, but I'm never sure just how effective it ends up. I appreciate hearing they didn't go too astray.
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you make stone and earth come to life... Mary is right
you make it happen
the touch upon cool marble.... so poetic
Gill
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have i ever told you that you are one of my all time favorite poets?-
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and you are one of mine (and probably with better cause).
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Very Good
This is excellent. Excellent in subject form and flow. Left me - just a little speechless. Beat of luck, though I doubt you will need it. Well done. ~Pamela
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Thanks, Pamela. Best of luck to you as well... or maybe I should just wish you a good judge. I'll need to get more familiar with your work. I've been spending far too much time onthe day job.
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