Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

An observation.


Mourning the death
of someone you never cared about in life
is nothing noble.

Those benign, slackened faces
of the deceased
don't mind
that while those around you
crumple like accordions into soft church pews,
you are, at best, curious.

You are not thinking about who this person was,
nor the indignation of his death.
(Truth be known,
you're probably checking your watch
every three minutes.)

Tears of sincere, volcanic heartache.
Tears of boredom?

Phonies know their own kind.

Author notes

From my personal diary, so it's not polished. This is experimental.

Honesty and/or constructive criticism welcome.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • VioletTears
    May 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I'm gunna put in some honesty. It's definately not your best, and it doesn't challenge me to think deeper like your other poetry has done. I absolutally love the line about the accordion. BEAUTIFUL image. I'm a bit dissapointed that I don't see as many striking images. I'm glad to see another post though, and I'll take an unpolished work over no work, because I like your stuff that much. And I understand it being from a diary and just something to get out. So that's my two cents. Can't wait for more. :-D


    • pathogen
      May 16, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks. And I agree, really. I'm still in the experimental stage, so my work is a little off.


  • letterstoladypeace
    April 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I really like this one. It's quite frank, to the point, and beautiful at the same time. Amazing


  • Dean
    April 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Oooooo. I like.

    You're completely right in that it is different from your older poetry (And where were you lady mam? *taps foot*).

    While your older poetry took interpretation, it was complex, layered, marbled with imagery and mood to get the message across, rather than straightforward statements, this poem was much more direct.

    It was effective, proficient in getting across several messages in fact. I like how your rhythm is broken, it's very piecey feeling. You keep it interesting. You have several shifts.

    It's interesting you said 'from my personal diary' becuase even though, at face value, it does not seem like a particularly personal subject, it seemed like the inner workings of a cognitive mind.

    Well Done, and glad to see you back.