I remember being
a little boy,
and the world held nothing,
but love and joy,
but a father's hand
is quick and strong,
and the scars run deep,
and the pain lasts long.
They pump your head
full of mad ideals,
you can never reach,
and the wounds don't heal,
and the hate carves rivers,
into my mind,
with nothing left,
no love to find.
a pretty girl
this morning smiled,
but I knew t'would last,
just a little while.
for love is dead
in the modern age,
replaced by sex,
and money and rage.
it never mattered
anyway,
we just tried to control,
and have our say.
but right and wrong,
have long been dead,
shot through Jack and Bobby,
and Martin's heads.
and just remember,
when all's aflame,
there used to be love,
in the USA.
But don't you worry,
for after it's gone,
the brutes and the businesses,
will still carry on.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I CAN SEE WHERE YOUCOME FROM
WE MUST HELP TRY AND KEEP THE U.S.A. HERE FOR THOSE
WHO KEEP HER A GOING I PRAY THEOTHERS COME TO THEIR SRNCES AND CAN GET BACK ON BOARD AND KEEP THIS LAND FOR THE REASON A FEW DESPERAT PEOPLE IN A BOAT CAME HERE FOR. A REALITY CHECK WOULD BE GREAT FOR ALL THOSE IN THE TO HIGH TO CLASSIFY GROUP. I HOPE THEY WAKE UP BEFORTHEYASK WHERE DID ALL OF THE COMMON PEOPLE GO, THEY MUST HAVE HAD ALL THE COMMON SENCE. I TIP MY HAT TO YOU I HOPE A K--ZILLION PEOPLE READ THISPOEM OF YOURS. MAN THE RED AND WHITE STOP BLEEDING -
I really like this piece so much truth in the way that so many people seem to view love..
Thanks for sharing...
Fantastic write..
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Beautifully done.
I liked the message of your poem... I was a "tiny" bit bothered by some of the punctuation, but it is not enough to bother me overall. Good job. Write on, poet.
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I liked this poem very much and shows an accurate description of the world in which we live today.
I do have two suggestions that may make your poem a little stronger.
You seem to have a number of unneccessary commas in the poem and on occassion it disrupted the flow a little and I had to go back and read lines again. I expect that you have heard from many poets that reading the piece aloud can point out where amendments are needed. It may be worth doing so with this poem to spot the unnecessary commas.
I also thought that "t'would" is very old fashioned word for a topic such as this. You are talking about the way the world is today and then use this word. Is there not another way you could write that part to convey your thoughts? -
One wonders why the good seem to be singled out by those that hate so much. Liked the flow of this, the rhythm and the rhyme in these lines - a strong message you share in these verses. Last verse is very true - that will always continue because there will always be those who want to control everything.
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Nice
You cannot deny the other honesty of this piece it's simply true to the human spirit. About how a guy see the world as boy and when he grows up sees the world for what it really is. Brilliant piece
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Brillant!
I loved this!!! So honest. Now it's all about the money. Maybe if people remembered even just a little bit of the love that the usa used to hold, it would make for a better nation. I have to say it again. Absolutely wonderful, I loved it! Brillant work!
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How true this is. I lived your rhyme and meter.
BHOlzner
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everything will carry on becaues no one gives a damn, right?
i think it's funny to come here and the first poem i read of yours reflects the comment you left for me. Ha.
I guess you're feeling bitter with society. society sucks. i suppose i knew long before you pointed it out.
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