Today

Lately I've felt pulled in two directions,
As if my body is at a crossroads,
And my mind is going everywhere at once,
I just want to be free of this mess I've created.

This self made mess is slowly devouring me,
I don't know why I've let it get this far,
I can't clean it all up as I want to,
Yet if I can't clean it up I'll be destroyed.

Why have I let it come to this shitty point,
My thoughts are broken and my heart is cold,
My tears have all dried up long ago,
And yet my body aches with the pains of the sobbing.

I just want to scream and run away,
I want to go to a place far away from here,
Escape from the hell I'm in,
But I can't because it has consumed me.

Fear is no longer a motivation,
It has surpased my wildest nightmares,
And yet somehow I've become comfortable in the system,
How does one escape something like that?

The light in my eyes has long disappeared,
They're two big holes that no one has seemed to notice,
If no one notices what has been going on,
Is the mess really as bad as I make it out to be?

Or is it all in my head?
One big lie after another has just emeshed,
So that No one can see the mess I've become,
And the mess that I've created around me.

I want to be so much more than I really am,
But is it too late to become that person?
Am I doomed to live in my daily nightmare,
That which I've learned to love?

Someone please help the mess I've created.