A darkness descends upon my soul,
clouding an unforgiving world,
snuffing out the last flickers,
of a smoldering wick.
In the dark I lay,
with the Failure
and Silence,
of the
grave.
Author notes
Option 5, Failure.
A Nonet
http://www.shadowpoetry.com/resources/wip/nonet.html
When you fail to reach someone's expectations, they completely block you out.
A contest entry
- Show me what you got! by SilentRose.
450 points, ended May 11, 2007, 18 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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creepy and very sad!
Nicely written, I really like those who try to write in the new forms. Well done!
Congrats on the Gold Trophy!
Keep on writing,
Nooni
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wow this is pretty amazing. I love it. Im finding it hard to find words to explain what it made me think... yeah ic ant find any. But this really is amazing. Great poem. Great Author. Nice Job
Vikki
xxx -
I like this poem alot. Apart from the fact that i wrote a poem called Silence and its one of my fav poems. lol. Its a really good shape poem though the last word is a little long but no biggie. hehehe.
Congrats on the Gold Trophy. It deserves it!!!
Well.. bye bye.. your one excellent writer
Claire-Anne -
Amazing!
Andu, this is really deep and beautiful. It touched me in my heart and soul. This is so very well done. An amazing piece of poetry. Anna.
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nice piece
i like this poem than you for showing me this style of poetry!! great job and goodluck with your future works! -
I liked it...
the length of the poem, even though it was short, the shape, the words you chose to use...
nice work!
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very nice. I'm not a fan of form poetry but this is good. It reads a little quick though.
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I guess the shape of this poem is what struck me first.The funnel of life maybe.The actual words though not powerful definately project a message of depression or sadness.I hope you didn't mind a critical comment.I'm practising being honest
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ohh i say i dont ever remember reading a nonet before!! this is amazing the flow justifies the very sanction of the poem well done this is amazing
laura zzz -
i love the form and the way it flows!
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i love the form and the way it flows!
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this is good. I defiantly love the way you lined it.
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TIMO:
This is a very pleasant form. From experience, I know it is not easy to say what you want, and yet keep the form nicely trimmed.
Some may call this cliché, but that is opinion, and sometimes cliché works very well. The imagery is vivid and figures in with the emotion you are conveying.
Just a few things about the structure:
Uncapitalize your beginning lines unless the start of a new sentence. i.c. clouding, snuffing, of, with. Add punctuation: a comma after each of the first three lines, and a period after wick. (One way to avoid so many commas is to change the third line:
"A darkness descends upon my soul;
clouding an unforgiving world
it snuffs out the last flickers...").
Move the comma after failure to after lay. A period after grave. Failure and silence should not be capitalized, unless for a point, as in you give them personification.
Overall, this is a nice read. I enjoyed it, very much.
Thank you for sharing.
rous
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Wow!
This is a real treat to read. Nice form. Liked the whole thing.
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Nice.....
It's good....could have been longer though.....you seem to have talent.... Also, you said what you wanted to..... I like kt
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