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I am depressed

I am depressed

I am sad

Why is everyone so bad?

I am alone

I am confused

Why is everyone so amused?

In the dark

In the cold

Why is everyone so bold?

I am lost

I am dead

So forget everything I have said

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 8 of 8
  • SarahW
    May 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    its a very bery good poem and i can relate to it


  • machiavel
    November 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    The rhyming is forced and jolted. This'd work so much better as a freeverse poem, in my opinion... but do as you will.

    Also, show, don't tell.

    I think that's all I'm going to bother to say.
    --Cristina

  • BlackxxParade
    April 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i know im not exactly the best at peoms but i also think u made it ryme too much for a deprressing poem but other than that it is nice


  • Lauren Noir
    April 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Well
    Depression in hard to write about
    And I think you tried to make it rhyme too much, you lost all meaning in it
    You could use more poetic devices in your work
    To give it more meaning
    Don't think of this as a stab at you, I see everyone as potential and it's just to improve you

    Keep writing, you'll get better
    And good luck in the contest


  • Chelsea Void
    April 14, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    oh dear... that might've been one of the most pathetic pieces i've ever read.

    no flow
    awful skill in trying to make it rhyme perfect
    if you're going to write about depression, which can be very poetic and beautiful, i suggest putting some effort into.
    poetry is not journal entries and neither is the vice versa.


  • Bruised.Roses
    April 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this was a good poem but very sad..i felt like this alot and still do and can really relate to what you are feeling and writitng about keep writitng your talented and good luck in the contest

    xXTashaXx


  • nobodys-girl
    April 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    it's a good poem, though there could be more to it. i like it though. thankyou so much for entering and best of luck.


  • DancingRed
    April 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I'm so sorry you're not feeling your best, but I must say this poem is vivid and powerful. The questions worked very well.

    I especially love -

    "In the dark
    In the cold
    Why is everyone so bold?"

    Good luck in the contest.

    DancingRed.

1 - 8 of 8