The first gun spoke
About 9 o'clock
You soon heard
An answer back
The language was clear
We're not going to take that
The conversation lasted
For several hours
The booms, the zings,
fire, and smoke
lit up the night
and spelled doom
But the hero's
would win this one
God bless those
Men of this war
Author notes
A battle In Iraq, Wanted to say I haven't been on much lately, I will try and catch up when I can.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Hatred has a language all it's own, "spelled doom." I'm grateful for the prayer at the end of this poem. How terrifying war is for those in the middle of it...
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Wonderfully written. Thank you for sharing your profound words and for sharing your wonderful piece. Thanks for your loyalty to your county and for your bravery.
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Great Write
I really like the title of this piece..
The message is very clear ...best wishes and a safe return for all Military personnel..You all are in my thoughts and prayers..
Peace
Melissa
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Honest Commentary
Granted, the message is strong BUT from a critiquer's point of view this was somewhat bumpy in a few spots.
'The language was clear
We not going to take that
The conversation lasted
For several hours
The booms, the zings,
and fire and smoke
lit up the night
and spelled doom
But the hero's
would win this one
God bless those
Men of this war'
Starting off. Stanza two:
'The language was clear
We're not going to take that
The conversation lasted
For several hours' [Notation: without the are or 're, a few people would easily trip up therefore try for some way to make the line work]
Stanza Three:
'The booms, the zings,
fire, and smoke
lit up the night
and spelled doom' [Notation: simply remove the first 'AND' then replace with a comma after 'FIRE]
Stanza Four:
'But the heroes
would win this one
God bless those
Men of this war' [Notation: If you are not showing a form of possession, lose the -'s- at the end of hero]
Other from that I just wish both sides would stop fighting period. Keep penning. -B -
They speak a language I do not know and i thank god i dont understand. I hope and pray for those who hear the words and know what they say. For their safe return to families and a speedy end to this undelcared war. For those, like me, who may not agree with what is happening for many different reason should all stand and support those men and women who live this nightmare and take the time to reflect if not for them we would not have the freedom we enjoy today. This is a poem which raises profound thoughts...dont like heroes because they fall down....america the mighty nation the hero on the decline...yet the people on the ground will rise i hope in peace and all the soldiers that ever were cand proudly stand tall in front of their nations and recieve the applause gratitude and thanks they deserve.
for the soldier.Thank you .... keep safe.
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Good
Mt heart goes out to any one involed in this war. We love you man. The feelng of hopelessness prevails here in this land. If only our leaders were as good as you fellows on the grond, I am sure that you would be home by now.
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I agree...We are not going to take this one or any other one when it comes to protecting people who ask for freedom or a new democracy in the middle east.
God Bless You and our military forces in Iraq and elsewhere. BHolzner
P.S. I think Nancy Pelsoi should stick to the subject of "Global Warming." She should stick to fact finding and go to Antartica to watch the snow melt.
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wow I have never thought of it like that. A conversation indeed. What a write giving us all a little to think about!
I hope you are well!
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excellent
Yes I agree God Bless those of this war. Glad to hear the hero's won this one. Charlie be sure to let these hero's know that the American people still stand behind them no matter what the bull is on the news. Stay safe.
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God Bless You My Friend
Charlie, You always write from your heart and with such compassion. Your words bring us the reality you and so many other go through every day over there. My heart, thoughts and prayers are with you always. War is so sad and ugly but is necassary at times. You stand proud for there are many who still support you even if the liberal media writes just the opposite. You take care my dear friend. Always here for you. This was an excellent write.
Lov ya, Sandy
God Bless America!!!!
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