Out-out-out, children chant,
dancing in circles; crying
Breathing tempests of desolation
Kicking earthquakes, destroying
dreams' lighthouse beacon,
guiding redemption from anger
Hyacinth girls breathe wicked winds
sipping dandelion wine
Reality crashes, stars crumble
in our napalm sunrise
Author notes
Image credit:
The scream by
Edvard Munch
A contest entry
- 10 Lines or less - Free Verse - Quote Inspired by Cupcrazy.
450 points, ended April 9, 2007, 12 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Absolute Best Prewrite by Heavens Child.
800 points, ended April 25, 2008, 48 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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So much of my thoughts have been recorded in previous comments about wonderful imagery and wording. So I will just sum them up by saying that this is a great piece. Thank you for entering.
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Hyacinth girls breathe wicked winds
God I love that line.
"the scream" has motivated a lot of your pieces.
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Wonderful depth and imagry. Loved the form, I especially enjoyed the use of napalm for anger, that orange glow, wonderful metaphors. Thanks for this great entry.
Bunny
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i think the best approach to take a 10 lines or less kind of poem- challenge, is to approach it with the intention of making the poem intense to give it that edge- also with a sense of mystery and depth. And you did exactly that. This was really good.
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The imagery you were able to fit so perfectly into the piece was amazing. With ten lines, you were able to portray such a vivid scene.
The lines didn't run on, either and the words didn't seem restricted. You kept a strong direction in the image in your mind; the poem didn't go running off into a completely different path halfway through.
Wonderful choice of verbiage, it wasn't overdone or over dramatic. Each line flows with the next.
"Kicking Earthquakes" I think that part of the line sticks out the most for me. That phrase alone has such wonderful appeal and originality.
This is a really outstanding piece.
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Seems like a continuation of your other poem. It's really good. It also really goes well with the song that I'm listening to (at least the feel of it). The song is called "I Believe" off of Ra's "From One" album. Good, depressing stuff. Same for your poem.
~James
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