I am now at one of those times
when i am not sure of my life . .
i stand at the edge of an abyss
safe but depressed and unhappy
should i step into an unknown fate
and fall blindly into hell . . or heaven
is the risk of change better than now . .
this consistent and assured unhappiness
perhaps even a swift and abrupt disaster
would be better than horrid monotony
when there is no joy on the horizon . .
why continue an unsatisfactory journey
sometimes in my dreams i fall . .
spinning over and over in the blackness
but even that can be exciting when compared . .
to the reality of waking up to my sad world
here on the edge . . my heart is pounding
my boat is slowly moving away from shore
i must jump . . or drift forever
will i land safely on firm ground ?
will i find the green grass and orchards
that i so desperately dream of . .
or will i be swallowed up . .
by the cold waters of a bottomless lake
temptation is a cruel mistress . .
and fate can be crueler consequence
is it so wrong to long for happiness
can desperately grasping for joy be a sin
to be content . . without contentment
to be satisfied . .yet lacking satisfaction
God . .what will be the rewards and penalties
for reaching out in my desperation
oh the folly of grasping for fulfillment
is this life a test of our convictions
to be satisfied . . but not content
here at my margin i wonder
can God really be this cruel ?
Albert Gazeley © April 2007
Author notes
Musing on Monday Moring .
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Awesome!
This piece is very beautifully written; expressing human angst - dread and anxiety - within the framework an existentialist crisis. A brave poem, with strong use of visuals through metaphor. The subject's ambiguous outlook seems to be related to confusion and uncertainity of the meaning of life, or the existence of a loving God... Great work!!
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revealing
perhaps your most revealing poem so far Albert where you have opened a great big part of yourself... No one can give you the answer Albert you have it yourself when you say is this life a test of our convictions, then yest it is, this is not the and they lived happily forever part at least all those who believe whatever they call their fate know that the lived happily forever part comes after this. God is not cruel he tests no man beyond what his capabilities and sometimes troubles come so you can reach out to him and hold on to Him more strongly. As age advances it is time to look more towards the welfare of the soul than any other.
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"sometimes in my dreams i fall . .
spinning over and over in the blackness"
Sighhh...Ahhh, Poet...as the saying goes, "There can be no shadows without the presence of light"...a pensive penning, my Friend...stark, dark, analytical, despairing...yet, I still find hope within these lines...The journey may be unsatisfactory now, but things change rapidly, without warning...one never knows what's around that next corner...Monday mornings always seem to look bleak...ahhh, but Fridays are always a bit luminous...Well done, Albert...
Wanda
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