Ah my dear son, I hope that you're safe,
I hope that you are happy and in a good place.
You were not meant to be here very long, I fear,
although your memory I still hold so dear.
You came to be in a way unintended
after a divorce with my ex rules were bended.
'Twas the last time I saw him, whom I loved still
but such a love was not to be Fate's will.
For the fact you were coming, to my mind, had brought
a change of a decision that I know now I should not:
to leave all the pain and abandoned feeling
though they left me emotionally wrecked and reeling.
Taking my own life, for a time was considered
When learning what that loving moment delivered.
I could not follow through with those plans after that;
adoption and moving on: the new plan was begat
Pregnancy hidden though 'twas hard to complete:
premature labor so often tried to repeat.
Till finally the water breaking made it confirmed,
no more debating you would make it full-term
You were born so early with problems compounded,
that you lasted so long all about were astounded.
A discussion with me, a decision I must make,
the prognosis somber, a hard path I must take.
The future so grim, the adoption aborted.
Futility of hope for meaningful life was purported.
I was young and naive and oh so alone,
I agreed with the doctor's with barely a moan.
Off came the machines and the wires and IV,
a rocking chair brought and they left us to be.
Alone as we spent the last heartbeats and breath,
my tears flowing freely as I rocked till your death.
Decades have passed and the pain is now dulled,
not often is your distant memory now pulled.
Then some little thing will bring it fresh to my mind,
the tears a surprise as their flowing I find.
But please know this one thing, if you know nothing more:
Your coming was blessed; helped me find a new door.
When others seemed locked and I felt I was trapped,
you came into my life and with new hope I was slapped.
I miss you dear son, I know the truth of this,
I will, 'till we meet with a hug and a kiss.
The brief joy you brought me is also not lost,
I am sorry that you were asked to pay such a cost!
Author notes
The things I would say to my son that passed after two weeks of struggling to survive, despite immense deformities and a very premature birth. The perspective adoptive parents broke the agreement after learning of his immense problems and I was left to decide whether to remove him from the life support all on my own. There was not really any one in my life at that point in time, my family had moved far away and basically abandoned me and I did not have any real close friends or a loved one. No one in my life at that time even knew I was pregnant, much less what I went through with all that. My parents still do not know to this day.
I do hope that, as sad as this is, the message that his coming actually helped me... SAVED me, comes through as well!
For the "Oh the Options!" contest, this is for option #2. I think the inspiration: a traumatic event and how I am dealing with it, is pretty much dealt with in the main poem, and a little further in the above note.
In a list
- * Winners In Waiting • next in list
- Weeping Willow • next in list
- Welcome To My World • next in list
- Family Album • next in list
A contest entry
- Oh The Options!!! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
400 points, ended February 19, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
Very touching piece. Great use of feelings and emotions..
-
wow. this is amazing. it has so much feeling to it. you did a wonderful job on this! i am so sorry to hear about your son. i am seven months pregnant with a baby boy, and this poem really got to me. my baby is healthy right now and everything is good, and i could never imagine having to go through something like this. very good job on this poem.
-
-
hehe, on a lighter note, check out my poem called butterfly blouse if u like, it is something i think you will like!
-
-
Great write. Powerful and moving. WEll done. Well said.
-
This had me holding back sobs. The tears fill my eyes though as I choke back tears. (that's redundant) The overhelming sadness, regret and loss...even the abandonment that you allow the reader to feel is almost exhausting. it is a rare thing that a writer can open up like this. I think because you want to help others...
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
