BEAUTIFUL
It doesn't seem enough
I try to find a new word
Something to explain
Your prettiness that
Causes so much
P
A
I
N
I wish that others
Could see you too
So they might know
The reason that I
Need you [I really do]
You scream in my head
Manic ranting about
Mushrooms and rabbits
Angry that I don't
Understand
**********************
Something big is coming
I feel it when I sleep
It's too late to run
So I laugh and laugh
But there's going to be
B
L
O
O
D
And people will be scared
They should be
You don't wanna miss this
The Red Queen is coming
I know this, because Alice knows this...
Author notes
I love ya Friday! Good look everyone else
In a list
A contest entry
- She's Everything You're Not by Exodus.
1050 points, ended April 27, 2007, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Different mix
An interesting mix, beauty pain and blood,
all the best
thanks for the comment on intimacy
perdix
-
Nice.
It doesn't seem enough
I try to find a new word
Something to explain
Your prettiness that
Causes so much
P
A
I
N
I wish that others
Could see you too
So they might know
The reason that I
Need you [I really do]
You scream in my head
Manic ranting about
Mushrooms and rabbits
Angry that I don't
Understand
**********************
Something big is coming
I feel it when I sleep
It's too late to run
So I laugh and laugh
But there's going to be
B
L
O
O
D
And people will be scared
They should be
You don't wanna miss this
The Red Queen is coming
I know this, because Alice knows this... -
Great flow
You deffinately earned your honourable mention. I must say, if I'm honest that there are far too little poetic lines in this. The only one I find fitting and beautiful is:
You scream in my head
Manic ranting about
Mushrooms and rabbits
I still think this poem could be alot better if you used more descriptive words, more poetic meanings and attempted similes or metaphors. Still, this is fantastic poem.
-
You scream in my head
Manic ranting about
Mushrooms and rabbits
Angry that I don't
Understand
alice in wonder land awesome.......love it.....did you know that two people who were hallucinating wrote alice in wonderland thats why it come out so,,fantasy like.....
-
Alice in, not so much a fairy tale as a nightmare. People have done this before, but not quite like this. I have a bit of trouble really imagining who the speaker is, but I guess that's okay. More left to the imagination. I also really like how 'Alice' is certainly to be read as a manic and misread character, but the speaker seems pretty damn calm about it all. Makes the poem a bit more chilling.
Best of luck. I love where you took this title choice.
-
super
-
is this about the alice at sandusky
heheheh
have an aplause
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Oh wow I really liked this doll. You did exactly what I asked for too ^_^
You wrote about the title without writing ABOUT the title. If that makes any sense what so ever
I loved the line "You don't wanna miss this" I'm not sure why but I do
. Probably because it's so simple and such an obvious thing to say.
Anyway babe, good luck and thanks for writing something for me
-
Oooooohhh...
"So I laugh and laugh
But there's going to be
BLOOD"
*laughs maniacally*
*ahem*
Sorry...but that was great.
"I know this, because Alice knows this..."<--brilliant.
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