That's the deal
you go there and I stay here,
'cause I want to stay here.
Without fear,
And don't be near.
It's you who made me
think this way,
And I'll do it everyday.
Don't say
Come what may
Because i'm bored;
All this's in my core,
I'll shut the door;
Don't come for more,
'Cause i know i'm right.
Don't resort to fight,
Morning or night,
Or when turning off the light.
Go forward,
And be chok'd with thy ambition!
Please be aware,
For you gave no care.
Do you dare
tell me this again
while you've been insane?
Go and do your thing,
Escsape from being
that man or the king.
All these roles don't fit;
you know it.
Just be yourself a little bit!
Still don't come back.
'Cause i'm not me any more,
Thanks to you...
Author notes
EarthMagick contest----------I read & commented Enough & Friends forever...U R a Kool Poet...
--Go forward and be chok'd with thy ambition!
A contest entry
- Oh, So Insultingly Shakespeare! by RatherImaginative.
750 points, ended April 21, 2007, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Whatever by Earthmagick.
480 points, ended October 20, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-write Party 2 by DancingRed.
300 points, ended September 22, 2007, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PREWRITES ONLY by wingsofgold25.
500 points, ended September 28, 2007, 117 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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well
what better way to say...Hit the road Jack? At times it is good just to speak up and vent. Kind of reasing the tension. Write on young poet.
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A lot of anger and a lot of pain yet a very good write The rhyme was very good. Thank you for your entry Good luck in the contest.
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Thanks for entering but I specifically asked for non-rhyming poems less than twenty lines. It's highly unlikely that this will win.
Second last line I think you mean ''cause'
DancingRed.
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Wow, you express your anger in this poem very well. The second to last line has a typo, doesn't matter to me, but maybe it does to you. Anyway, great write and thank you for entering my contest. ~ Aurora
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good write
I can feel some flow here, but I think if there were some more breaks; i.e. stanzas, I would see more. I also feel there is the making of a good song in there. there are some parts that could be a chorus. I do get the feel that this person should stay away or else.
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"Just be yourself a little bit!
Still don't come back.
'Cuse i'm not me any more,
Thanks to you..."
Ok I really love these lines...they say so much and great passion behind them
Although I would like to offer a suggestion if I may
Switch two of the lines around...such as
"Just be yourself a little bit!
Still don't come back.
'Cause thanks to you...
I'm not me any more"
Sound a little better?
More deep
I don't know...still awesome thought
Keep them comin!!
Much Love!
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It is very frustrating when someone
we care about thinks they have to
be something other than themselves
for us to like them. This conveys
that well. Good luck in the contest.
Jeannie
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If you could left align, please, I'd appreciate it! I can relate to the frustration and anger you've expressed in your poem, especially the last eight lines. A little more punctuation will make your poem more powerful, and I need to ask you to spell out "you" in the line "For u gave no care". Thank you for entering!
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Your note was put in consideration and done perfectly..
Thank you for making such a cool contest. I always Love Shakespeare..
<3
GloriousGift -
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Looks good! Thanks for editing!
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