The T-Shirt Fiasco
I can say I’m proud of both my style and figure
my boobs are pert and stand up straight when free
I’m slim but curvy where I could be bigger.
My white T-shirt is sheer-just right for me.
It shows my curves off in a sexy way
inviting subtly to be closer viewed
and, when it’s wet, my nub’s come out to play
making the guys crosseyed as they protrude.
So I am quietly full of confidence
in spite of Am8ur’s outlandish boasting
unless, by pure unfair coincidence,
her grampa’s judge in this contest she’s hosting.
The hall is full of gals-I reach the stage;
there’s Joan, Gaze, Mia, Am8ur and Dee,
while Renee talks to Hine in a rage.
(She knows she’s got no hope of beating me.)
Darlene looks good beneath her silk t-shirt;
she tries to sway the judge to get the crown
while Mia and Am8ur scrub off the dirt
to show their boobs don’t sag or dangle down.
Til keeps the watching crowd and judge in fits
performing stunts not seen in Sunday schools
like holding red hot dogs between her tits
while King Hugh licks the ketchup off and drools!
Another of her tricks that sometimes flips
although it’s sure His Highness to arouse,
is dangling heavy weights from nipple clips
which makes her titties longer than a cow’s!
A vengeful Mia comes from the hot dog stand
where she’s been banned for stripping to a waltz
and, with a macho pin gripped in her hand,
is stabbing boobs to see which ones are false.
One favourite when punctured in the breast
immediately goes flat and quite deflated
but her identity has been suppressed
by order of the judge (who is related).
Sir Ima enters, wearing a disguise
with strap-on boobs and glued-on rubber limbs.
His painted face with bulbous, bleary eyes,
looks like a feature from the brothers Grimm.
Another came with body painted tits
and, when the water hit, the colours ran.
Yem said: “She’s like a rainbow! Holy shit!
I wasn’t colour-blind but now I yam!”
Then Yemassee threw sauerkraut over Dee.
She didn’t mind ‘coz she wore overalls
but, when she caught him trying to have a pee,
she crept behind and kicked him in the balls.
Perhaps it was th’excruciating pain
or maybe just a surfeit of hot dog,
but Yem was quite unable to refrain
from chundering into the nearest bog.
I feel in future Yemassee must choose
to moderate his greedy eating habit
just look at all that mess upon his shoes
and, even worse, on Mari’s fluffy rabbit!
Til says to Mia: “gawd! Jus’ look at yours!
You don’t jus’ need a bra! You need a bag!
They flop so bad they nearly reach your drawers
and now they’re wet they reely droop and drag!”
But Mia retorts: “Well, you may sneer at mine
because they’re heavy and they hang just right
but both of them are dinkum genuine
and Kingy loves them as they are. You skite!
“and, though beneath your clingy, wet T-shirt
your tits stick out and plainly stand upright,
I know how they have got so proud and pert-
because you get them massaged every night!”
The hose comes on again, contestants gasp
as icy water makes the nubs grow thick.
The King rejects all those he cannot grasp-
the biggest and the firmest ones he’ll pick.
First, one and five are told to leave the stage,
then two and six are banished off the floor
and eight and nine leave next, in such a rage
they start a fight before they reach the door.
Number seven is Ima in disguise
the King says: “GO! You don’t belong in here!”
So three and four are left there for the prize.
I’ve lost my place to King’s grandawts that’s clear.
What can he do? He has to give them equal
awards. To keep the peace, he cannot choose
so, both have won the prize and that’s the sequel.
If judge is kin the rest of us must lose.
The crowd begins to yell and scream foul play
as Mia and Til parade around the floor.
King Hugh is at a loss; what can he say?
Queen Edna firmly leads him out the door.
Jenelda White April 8, 2007
Author notes
I chose OPTION 1
ENJOY
In a list
A contest entry
- for members of hugh wyles' favourites only! by huguenauties.
800 points, ended April 12, 2007, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Remarkable Writing! WOW
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There's gold in them thar hills! Is Australia hilly or flatland?
Congrats! -
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Thanks Yem, Ohhh it's hilly and flat too, it's one big Island with a shape that's unique to Australia.
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Congratulations!
You won the Gold trophy!
Yahoo! I'm happy for you! You definitely deserved it!
♥ Maureen
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Thanks Maureen,YAY! we're both winners.
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OH MY!
OOHH Dear Jen, I am sooo surprised to see you write like this!
But I can't stop laughing, it's soooo funny, in fact it's down right hilarious. Hey, what number was I? Certainly not the one with the false boobies. 
Geeze! Yem getting kicked there by DEE! OUCH!
Great poem Jen and I'm still laughing.
Love A/J
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Wow!
Competition's really tough when I see that you can really strut your stuff but still lose out to grandawts 1 and 2!
Lots of 'interesting' details in your hilarious poem (or should I say 'tome')? I really enjoyed it!
Best of Luck in the contest! This looks like a winner to me!
Maureen
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OH OH! Jens flipped her lid!
OHHH Hooly Dooly Cousin Jen! I've never heard you talk like this let alone write like it!
What got in you girl?
I must admit it's very funny and I laughed so much I peed myself
Our two cousins got up to a lot of mischief by the sound of it!
This is hilarious! Fantastic!
I love it!
Love Hine.
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Oh, my Gawd, Jenelda... you've been drinking too much Moxie!! You've given us all our come-upance... especially the King (and he really deserves it) And just where has our little Jenelda's innocence gone in all of this... hmmm ?
Don't tell me you took up with one of those carny guys... although I hear they're a fun lot 
I love this little dirty ditty you've penned
Good luck in the contest
Dee
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I dunno what came over me Dee
It could've been the Moxie
my gawd!
And the Carny guys yay, that's for me!
but then again with them I'd get bored!
I'ad such fun in writin' out o'the norm
But I is pee'd orf coz grandawt's got the crown
an' Ima tried to sneak into tha dorm
I just shook me 'ead an' hadda lie down
I is a BAAAAD gal!
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i would like it known to everyone that i think it is unjust,
Mia n i both got first place? have you seen her tragic bust?
the only advantage she has over me, Grandawt 2 i mean,
is what she can do with ping pong balls, it really is obscene.
her face is full of wrinkles, she is an old, OLD 37
when she takes off her bras, her wrinkles go to heaven.
who would have thought that saggy tits could smooth ones face so well?
but i guess its quite believable when they hang half way to hell
yes i was a tad too drunk after bobbing for apples in beer,
but Grampa wanted to lick the sauce from the red hot dog in my brassiere!
as for Mia n the macho pin, that sis in law i gonna slap!
she stabbed me in the knockers instead of in the Macho's lap!
and why did she have to spill my secret, of getting booby massages every-night?
the guys were taking turns but never knew it so now there's a big cock fight!
i will learn to live with the judges vote for wet t-shirt compy,
i know i would have drawn first place, but for Mia they took sympathy.
she was a sad and sorry case scrambling desperately for attention,
but she stood no chance at all against my boobies of perfection.
well sleep well dear Grandawt number 2, be sure to keep one eye open,
cause in the middle of the night when your sound asleep you never know what could happen
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Dear grandawt #1.
Though grandawt #2's tits may swing low
I think you really oughta know
she picks up extra points on-side.
When she breathes in, they spread real wide!
An' she can keep a crowd in fits
by playin' pingpong with her tits;
tho' sometimes going to extremes
she's dab at tennis too it seems.
At apple bobbin' she's a champ
usin' her knockers like a clamp!
So doan you get yerself all jealous
jus' coz grandawt #2's so zealous.
If you had not got quite so pissed,
your boobies might have topped the list!
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Hey Til, You both won coz Mia would've given grampa a black eye and then you both would've had Queen Edna after both of you.
Love Jen.
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Dear Jenelda, (PERKCAO),
Your T-shirt saga surely is a winner!
the funniest thing I've read so far this year.
I larfed so hard, I nearly lost me dinner -
Queen Edna helped me back into me chair.
Of course I gave first equal to that pair!
Them bein' grandawts was jus' coincidental.
The King, as judge, is scrupulously fair
and both there pairs was truly monumental!
The others, who were finally outclassed,
should not allow themselves to feel depressed.
Except for Ima Cu who was placed last,
you ALL gave a mind-boggling show of breast.
Of all the contest options, King Hugh feels,
this Wet T-shirt's the one that most appeals.
~~~
Congratulations on a realy doozy entry.
Best of luck in the voting.
Love and hugs XXX Hugh R.
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Extremely funny but...She kicked me where????
After I read that I finished the poem with my legs crossed.
I still think Ima has a shot at the wet tee shirt contest...the thing is to get Hugh really drunk!
I cannot moderate my eating habits...I've tried...if you put it in a plate, I eat it.
I knew it was hopeless when Hugh was declared the judge...he doesn't appreciate Ima's figure.
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Yep, she kicked you there. Bad Dee! ruining your prospects like that! Ima has no chance in the T-shirt contest, the King kicked him out remember?
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