I'm having one of those
break down nightmare
sort of midnight days
having a sweet old day
and you knock it out
with an old one two
this idea of perfection
is haunting me
now that the lights have been dimmed
and I can see everything
clearer than before
its my reverse logic
as I realize what i lost
and I call you out
not because you are wrong
but because I was all along
and you called me out first
to show me
my blood stained hands
without the bloodstained sheets
so baby darling
this is an interesting
little chat
that you'll never
quite understand
please understand
A contest entry
- Anything Contest by PrettyxoxPoison.
300 points, ended April 10, 2007, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
and you called me out first
to show me
my blood stained hands
without the bloodstained sheets
so baby darling
this is an interesting
little chat
that you'll never
quite understand
please understand
The ending of this poem is really captivating...I like it a lot....but with there being no punctuationor capitalization, it makes the poem not flow so well, and it makes it hard to tell where a line breaks, or when it flows, so adding some punctuation and capitalization is just a suggestion on my part. Great write aside from that tho....keep the ink flowing hunn!!
CCX -
-
i have a hard time placing punctuation... i think it's because i read it and i see how it should be and i asume everyone else can read it that way. but that is just me. but really, it leaves more to interpretation. you can read it however you wish to read it.
-
Adding your comment:
