Tick.
Its taunting
me; I can't
feel my heart-
that beat isn't
mine. Hundreds
of glass shards
are falling:
swish
swoosh
Tock.
Everything inches
forward, mocking,
eating into me-
these shadows are
mere faces staring
at me; where are
my fingers? It is
waiting:
swish
swoosh
Tick.
The colours of
the sky are falling,
raining from the
stars; I tingle with
drops of hope - it is
grey now- I cannot
breathe:
swish
swoosh
Tock.
Who are you?
Take me away.
Author notes
[#5 "Nothing is as far away as one minute ago." - Jim Bishop; for anoetic poet's contest]
READ ME READ ME READ ME READ ME READ ME READ ME
Think of this in the context of those weird grandfather clocks, those with the huge things swinging. (To answer: "swish swoosh? whatthehell, don't work for me.")
It is exceedingly distasteful for me to have to present my concept so explicitly. Why can't there be free interpretation? Why are there so many people demanding a literal perception of the poem? From this, I guess it is rare for someone to be able to appreciate abstract poems. As much as I spite myself for this, some things have to be done. So here's my explanation.
What the hell is taunting me?
Time is ticking with a vengeance. Time is taunting me, challenging me. Obviously I'm dreading something that is to come, soon, that only time can bring. Death, maybe?
Heartbeat? Mine? Yours? Time? Clock?
Yes, I'm juxtaposing the rhythm of my heartbeat with the rhythm of the clock (e.g. ticking)
Why was it written?
Is that a trick question? It's written as a poem to express abstract feelings? Maybe dread? Maybe fear? Maybe some warped apprehension? Maybe just something about sitting beside a clock... What's there to ask?
Argh. This basically spoils it for everyone because now it becomes consolidated within a fixed concept and perception. Grandfather clock, dark room, fearing, bla. There is now completely no room for creative interpretation and I hope you're happy.
P/S: The point of me getting so many ideas across (to quote a comment) is effectively the core of this poem. The cluttering of apprehension, the immense fear/confusion, abstract emotions, etc. What's so hard about it?
Alright now that my poem has become shallow and mundane, judge me.
['imagery' for XseafoamXgreen's contest]
A contest entry
- Anything. Just Impress Me. by I-Am-Custard.
900 points, ended April 13, 2007, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Options for everyone! (prewrites also allowed) by anoetic poet.
450 points, ended April 25, 2007, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me emotion by LaLaLie.
360 points, ended April 14, 2007, 119 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Imagination by burdened.
600 points, ended April 30, 2007, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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very good
By the way, I appreciated your "interpretation." It did't hinder appreciation, and tho you run the risk of narrowing interpretation, it gave some insight into where you were coming from.
. Rewarded 4
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I lvoed it, from poem to your authors notes. Well done. Thanks for sharing this and best of luck to you.
VSutton -
pretty good
it seems a shame you feel you have to back up this poem with the extra page about it, poems speakin for themselves and all that, but it struck me as a good piece, tho the 3rd verse lets the poem down slightly as the metaphors are a bit cliche. -
This is a good piece, and I must say after reading your meanings and thoughts on your own piece, I still have a few interpretations that I thought of that still fit. Although it is nice to hear what it was written about. I liked the fact that it was free flowing, and gave room for interpretation, and also the methodical tick, tock, swwish swoosh of the pendulum. Take care and thanks for sharing. XxX
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This is terrible to say, but it confused the heck out of me.
It did sound pretty though =/
Thanks for the entry!
-System of Cyanide
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Thanks for entering and good luck.
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Poet is showing the depths of soul in this set of verse..an excellent read
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Breathtaking! I liked the first stanza the best... And the explanation wasn't required. I think the beauty of poetry lies in multiplicity of interpretation. But lovely write, and thank you for entering the contest!
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*ohhhh* *awwww* the tick tock part reminds me of therapy. hah. i really like this poem, alot. its so nice and flowling without ryhmeing, and i like rhyme but i like free verse kind too and i think this is my favoirte. i defenitly like the swish swoosh part to, that gives to the ryhtm all the more
xoxox -
how amazingly creative and abstract. i don't like literally explaining my poetry - sometimes I just feel like saying "there is a meaning, just look behind the shroud!" i got your point, love the imagery and the periodic insertion of tick/tock. good luck in all the contests~
N
. Rewarded 6
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Thankyou for your beautiful entry, Bella
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I thought the "can't feel my heart" line was a great one. As if the clock's rhythm is at odds with the beat of your heart and you cant tolerate the conflict. The entire piece is a great concept as a whole, man's battle with time.
. Rewarded 4
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well done! I disagree wiht those who must view the literal side of things, for this poem is very creative. its suspeseful in its own way, and climatic, as it comes to a bit of an ironic end. I like the paragraphing and the way that you word the lining. its differetn and just, again, adds to the suspense.
thank you for your entery and good luck int eh contest! -
I think your phrasing is awsome. I appreciate the abstract because it is different and less mundane. I also thought it was a nice way to build symbolism between the annoying old grand father clock and your feeling of "doom."
This was my favorite part
"Its taunting
me; I can't
feel my heart-
that beat isn't
mine. Hundreds
of glass shards"
From the moment I started reading it I was hooked. This was an awsome and very original write!
. Rewarded 8
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I like the Tick - tock flow through, from beginning to end. I like the way you use grammar and punctuation. I understand the swish swoosh, however I think there's a few too many ideas here that don't flow well (for me) altoghter. What's taunting you? You're heartbeat, the sound of the clock, time???? The idea isn't presented clearly so that the understanding is present at the end.
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yes, i see what you mean. i could picture the big grandfather clock, it's pendulum silently swinging as it loomed over you. "The colours of
the sky are falling,
raining from the
stars; I tingle with
drops of hope" I especially liked those lines. Thank you very much for this entry, and best of luck to you!
. Rewarded 6
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really cool. great writing at work here. I liked it a lot. thanks for sharing. keep up the great work. I'll be back to read more. peace and light, kp
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I like this, especially with the repetitions of 'tick' and 'tock', the 'swish swoosh' didn't really work, I know you were probably aiming for something onomatopeaic but it didn't feel quite right reading it.
The imagery was lovely, but at the end of the poem I did find myself wondering why it was written, what the point of it, or the message was... The freeverse was well done though.
Thank you for entering.
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