Charlie, you’re a heart-attack
I know you plan to stab her back
When she’s at home, she’ll take your beating
With her friends, and I’ll be pleading,
Charlie, won’t you let her go?
You’re scaring me, I just don’t know
If she can take another blow
That eight ball just keeps saying “no”
So stop before she sinks too low
Charlie, you’re too hypnotizing
You cast your spell, blood-pressure rising
Ascending with the powder creep
The one who never lets her sleep
She’ll never see the flowers bloom,
Skiing in her living room
You always keep her wide awake
Next to her, the snow-flake snake
Looking like a pure-white candy caine
Constricting every single vein
You hold her down and force a sin
Every time she breathes you in
You twist the truth, betray and lie
To start a deadly sugar high
Laced with a bitter numbing taste
To dance with you is such a waste
Forget it Charlie, just go home
Leave the weak pale girl alone
Charlie, you’re rotten to the core
And I can’t stand you anymore
You’re not in love, you’re just in lust
You aren’t human, you’re just dust
The little puppet in your show
Dug six feet under in the snow
She started sinking way too low
It’s scaring me, I just don’t know
If she can take another blow
That eight ball just keeps saying “no”
So Charlie, won’t you let her go?
Author notes
April 6, 2007..... Usually, I give long, thought out descriptions of my poems on here... Usually, good poems have a lot of big, colorful describing words...
For this one, however, I used a bunch of street slang:
blow---
Cocaine. Usually mother of pearl or china white.
powder---
cocaine, in powder form not "rock", or crack cocaine.
skiing---
to snort a line of cocaine.
flake—
flake cocaine
snow---
Coke, cocaine. Used primarily by huffing through the nostrils snow can also be freebased and inhaled.
caine---
from the word cocaine. Another term for cocaine.
rock---
a form of cocaine.
sugar—
Cocaine.
eight ball---
1. The magic 8 ball is a sphere shaped contraption that has a many sided die in the center which gives answers to many yes or no questions. Inside the Magic 8 Ball is a liquid, which contains a lost soul. This soul is what tells the die what answer to give you.
2. specifically for 3.5 grams of cocaine
charlie—
Any white substane which is sniffed.
I wrote this poem as if Charlie were a person, because if the drug were a person, this is what I would tell it... I'd tell it to back the fuck off the girl I'm in love with because I'm scared as hell she's gonna get sick or addicted.
_______________________________________________________
Option 5. Drug Addictions, give me a poem that shows the hardships and destruction these things cause. Write about families losing eachother, or even about someone you lost because of it. I'd even like one from the addicts point of view.
A contest entry
- I want some fucking good poetry. by jejune.
700 points, ended April 14, 2007, 14 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 7 Options for the Soulful Poet by Athena of Starlite.
750 points, ended April 19, 2007, 23 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - † Letters From the Heart † by OurxBeginning.
380 points, ended May 1, 2007, 18 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Come One Come All by PerfectionIsPoison.
425 points, ended August 20, 2007, 29 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Options - I want your absolute BEST - Big Points by Moonlight Complex.
2350 points, ended October 30, 2007, 10 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 42 of 42
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Very awesome poem. Your word usage was wonderful! Good luck.
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totally freakin AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i love it...i love it..and like how everything had a nickname...u are totally a shoo in in the finalist
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This is different,But as always,there is a good in everything,or almost?anyways good luck and thanks!
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I've commented this before, and sadly my opinion hasn't changed,
Sorry.
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Wow. The imagery is really great. And the emotion is good as well. This is a splendid poem, I like how real it is, how you are pleading her to stop. Great job : ]
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As I read this, I have the drum beats in my head like those smokey coffeehouses with the pierced and shaved women standing in front of the microphone...just my twisted mind. Your form and rhyme is literally hypnotic and just so tempting. You really set a beat and flow to this piece that is just as aggrestive as the subject matter. Very well don
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Pretty interesting.
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Graphic description of the power of addiction ... and the pain of feeling helpless to stop it. Both of you need to get help ... but if she is not willing, you should help yourself. Don't let her addiction destroy both of your lives. Very creative write. Thank you for sharing this one.
. Rewarded 6
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ELECTRIFYING-MAGNIFYING
This Is Quite A poem. I Followed You All the Way, To this being A Person, Til The End!!! Excellente-Write. Sad, Indeed, Though!! I Have Seen And Known 'Poor-Souls' Such As This, And They Only Go Down Hill...So Sad, But A great Poem....'Good Job!..'God Bless you'....Love, Shirley ann shaw-raytown,mo...............
. Rewarded 6
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Wow, at first I thought this was about abuse in the first stanza, but after reading the second one I could kind of tell it wasn't. Very clever how you put it as the drug beign a person, I really like the creatvity. Well done!
. Rewarded 4
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great poem my friend. I too am batteling christina and she can be very intruiging, but ive found her to be a damn gold digger. this write tells all too much the truth of what grasps and lengths charlie may go and hold on to a wayward soul.
im sorry for the pain.
. Rewarded 6
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This is AMAZING. One of the best poems I've read all day=] There's so much truth in this poem it's scary, but I definitely don't mean that in a bad way! I really liked the lines:
"You’re not in love, you’re just in lust
You aren’t human, you’re just dust"
I don't know why, but those lines stood out to me particulary. GREAT poem! I'm glad I got to read it=]
. Rewarded 8
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WOW!!!
Absolutely stunning!!! Great job!!! I've never seen a poem quite like this before and I am impressed. At first I did believe this to be speaking on domestic violence. Your notes explained it all, and I actually learned something today. The most well crafted poem deserves the gold, and this is one fine example of the art of poetry - I applaud your excellent use of metaphor, and I'm amazed at the outstanding imagery - I really enjoyed reading this great piece... I wish you the best of luck in this contest!!! And as they say here on AP, write on, shine on, Poet!!!! Peace, Cyn 
. Rewarded 8
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Truth
The truth in this poem is overwhelming. Hard to understand if you haven't been there, but I was once on the edge with over and too frequently supplied prescription drugs - an area of drug life often forgotten. A "crackin'" piece of work, thank you for the read. Warm thoughts from,
Donald -
Very well done...It was good describing your street slang so that people not in the know will learn. This was done from a very good perspective of the drug itself. Excellent..
Soulful Woman
. Rewarded 4
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Wow,this is so emotional and powerful,its sad that drugs that are a part of society and I hope your girlfriend gets the help she needs,all you can do is support her and be there for her,have you ever thought about putting copies of this poem in doctors surgeries or in hospitals,just an suggestion though,but I think this poem sends out a strong message...God Bless...Hazel
. Rewarded 8
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Mesmerizing
You could almost hear a beat box rhythm behind it...
I am too old may be to understand it all but it captivated me.
Then reading your notes I needed to reread it...cuz I am old as I said.
Raw emotion that builds then lets you down slowly then hits you again and again. Powerful throughout.
Penquinpoet
. Rewarded 6
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Wonderful personification of Charlie. I always thought Charlie was specially for Cocaine. My Mum takes the mick out of my Dad as his name is Charles and everyone at work calls him Charlie. He used to be a prison officer but is now a Drug Intervention person or Rehabilitation, thus, not a good nickname to have if associated with the nasty white stuff. Very amusing. I did think this was about domestic violence, but now I realise it's cleverly put and in a way is violence, just of a different kind. Cleverly done.
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I Find This A Little Cliche..
Sorry,
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Awesome
Very good description of what that shit does to you. Excellent penmanship.
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nicely done
BROUGHT BACK MEMORIES OF MY TROUBLE DAYS ..AND U CAPTURED IT ALL..you write wonderfully and emotions included ...peace katie ..happy writing -
good.
i just clicked it for some points but i find a gud read in it.lovely picturisation and power packed words,few lines r just gold like " you are in lust......."
gr8 potic sence.perfectly rhymeing -
snow-flake snake...
I really liked this! In spite of the heavy subject matter it is an easy read. The word choices are excellent!
Fine work!
. Rewarded 4
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Can I get a bump???
that was kinda fun and even moreso once i got past the first verse and realized it was about coke and not domestic violence. Nice and simple and rhymy and quite clever. Only problem is that now im craving various powders. -
This was a different but excellent poem I loved it yet it was sad. Good work.
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this was a great peom the only problem I had withit is it seemed like the rhyme was a little heavy, if that makes scenec to you. I love how the metaphors add depth to your poem. great write
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Wonderful, your metaphors of cocaine kick me in the ass, and I can really relate to the pain inflicted by drugged up Charlie, this wass an awesome poem filled with great sarcastic humor amused me without laughing a single giggle. This is a serious issue and you portrayed it well you deserve more trophies then you recieved, great poem thanks for sharing it,
Chelsea Alexandra
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very nice...the rhyme was perfect (if you ask me)
so much great metaphor and really,
SPECTACULAR vocab used...
(in my case the glossary wasnt needed, but im sure it was helpful for some!)
amazing write, and great job in teh contest(s)!!
Mantissa
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A lot of emotion was in this and it's really unique and creative. Your rhyming was done very well in this, as well. I could picture all of this. Thanks for entering and good luck. ~
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vivid imagery,
Wild and full of explanation. I am glad you explained the meaning of some of the drug phrases so I could understand it. Very powerful. I like the rhyme and the use of repetition.
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this was a great write..i enjoyed reading this..it was different and unique..i can relate to this and enjoyed the metaphors that you used keep writting your very talented and good luck in the contest
XTashaX -
i love the way that you have written this piece. as if the drug were human, the words describe the situation in two ways. depending on what all you know about drugs, depends on how you take it...which i knew exactly what was being relayed to the reader because of psychology classes and addictions studies. i just love how you have written this piece. such talent! thank you for entering and best of luck to you!
~bee
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Exceptional
Ah, let me get the crappy bit over first: I have to delete you. I asked for no poems that had won any awards and no poems that were currently entered in any active contests. I'm sorry; I hate this part of being a judge. That aside, I hope that you can accept my comments about this being just an amzing piece. Your rhyme flow was smooth - which I know is tough to do in such a long piece, and often even tougher to do when the poem is so personal and emotional. Capturing how you feel so strongly & emotionally w/o sounding forced is really quite a trick, and boy, did you do it well! I hope that one day your girlfriend recovers and realized how much stronger your love for her is than her need of blow. You really stunned me with this unique spin - using blow as a person that you talked to. This really and truly was an exceptional piece. I hope this doesn't sound too forward, and I apologize if I offend you here: but may I suggest Cocaine Anonymous? My fiance had a terrible cocaine addiction; he failed the bar exam because he was doing lines all night long the night before and it almost ruined his (hard worked for) law career. Anyway, I dragged him to CA kicking and screaming; though it was one of the most difficult times in both of our lives, within four months he was clean. And he has been clean for 4 years now. Even if your girlfriend won't go, they can help you. They really helped me to understand so much of what was going on; they helped me to handle the stress of loving a cocaine addict; they showed me how to not be an enabler; they gave me hope and a sense of peace. Most importantly, they gave me an ear and a shoulder to lean on.
Congratualtions on your awards and best of luck in your other contests,
***Rae***
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Very sorry I did not read your rules close enough... As for my girlfriend, I told her that she either has to stop or I'm making her... she hasn't done blow in a week now... But if she starts up again I WILL get her help whether she likes it or not.
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i like this poem...i love how you told the story from a little bit of a different point of you....i most definately enjoyed it and i appericiate you sharing
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good work. thank you for entering and good luck.
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I love the personification in this piece, I have a poem where I have done exactly the same thing charlie. Great flow and imagery. Thank you so much for entering and good luck in my contest.
Bravo
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qalthough you did have some low grade rhyme you still kept the flow alive. keep up the good work. thanks for entering
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this is really good thanks for entering my contest sorry if my comments arent that good i have A LOT of poetry to comment well good luck
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Love it! The way the first and last verses are the same but scrambled is genius. Rhyming was incredible, and the use of street slang added to the candor of this poem. It felt real and raw, even when the rhyme and meter were strong - that's the way poetry is supposed to be. Excellent write.
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Hmm.
I love this. Absolutely. It's very good. And I could have gotten the references without the explanation...but good on you for taking your time to do it anyway.
The only awkward part that I can see... Is
Leave the pale girl alone
It needs one more syllable in my mind to make it flow better. Other than that, wonderful to say the least.
I'll give a further comment later. GOOD JOB. -
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hmmm.... Thank you very much. I'll probly take your advise. : )
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