Why is it you are always right?
and I am always wrong,
why is it you can always sing?
and I just write the song.
Why is it you can always work?
and I just stand around,
why is it you are always free?
and I am always bound.
Why is it you get so upset?
and I don't have a clue,
why is it you don't understand?
and I still care for you.
Why is it you are full of life?
and I am full of fun,
why is it you can live two lives?
and I cannot live one.
Why is it you get what you want?
and I can't make you see,
why is it you are always you?
and I am never me.
A contest entry
- problems by patteringraindrops.
550 points, ended April 27, 2007, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Recognizing Defeat by LaylaLace.
600 points, ended March 23, 2008, 29 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - all HM winners! by Cat10.
850 points, ended May 19, 2008, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - You Treat Me just like... another Stranger. by Stripes.
480 points, ended November 20, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - Hearts are just meant to be broken.. by Faithfully Yours x.
420 points, ended November 28, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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Wow. Puts my entry to shame
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Ahh beautiful!! Lovedddd reading it.
Soo true as well!
Thanks for entering my contest
Best of luck! -
This reminds me of the relationship my best friend and I have, that I am trying to break free from. I enjoyed this very much.
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This is a very good poem. The rhyme is great and it flows well.
I like the "Why is it" Questions
Thank you for your entry.
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This is something I have experianced in a past relationship. He was over bearing and controlling. I was never allowed to do what I want or have any fun. very touching and very relatable, for me anyway. Thanks for sharing.
Good luck.
Sarah
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thank you for entering! this an interesting piece and really makes the reader think! you did a nice job, good luck!
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Wow
It was amazing how you portrayed the bitter feelings in a relationship like that and that can make people relate.
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Great job pointing out the unfairness in such a relationship. Without being in it, you did very well portraying the hurt feelings and the "why's" of it all.
Good luck in the contest!
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Thank you for entering the contest, I appreciate it. The poem meets the contest content requirement, that is a given, but where the poem missed is in the imagery and emotional impact, the connectedness one needs to be drawn into the poem is lacking. Overall it is a good poem, pretty solid, but the language, the word choice is unimaginative and superficial. You need to find a way to better hook the reader, at least better than you have done here. I did find your poem causing me to linger a bit and for that, you get a high mark on that item. Blessings and best wishes, ~richard
1) Content 9
2) Originality 7.5
3) Flow 9
4) Word choice (vocabulary and/or rhyme) 4
5) Imagery 4
6) Grammar 8.5
7) Form 9
8) Spelling 10
9) Emotional Impact 5
10) Rumination factor (how well does the poem make me ponder) 9
astralshepherd’s completely subjective total score =75
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Makes me smile-in a sad way
I love it! Wow. You're a good writer. -
Very Profound!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is quite profound and I'm sure lies true with many in this world. Your friend needs to asess her marriage and communicate her issues with her husband or she is doomed to feel this way for life. You did a great job writing this on her behalf and I hope it helps maybe her husband will read it and have some food for thought. I wish her the best, actually both of them the best. You seen like a good friend to her. Nice write once again!!!~~Toni~~
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wow
I really understand this poem.I can imagin the scene.It's good. :]
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I thought it was great. I love the way you make the comparisons for a person who seems amazing and a person who thinks they themselves insignifigant compared to this person.
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I may not be married, but I know the feeling the poem protrys. You did an exellent job writing this and it flowed wonderfully. Amazing job!!
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hi im SO sorry everyone who entered my contest my laptop totally died and then i went on holiday and im so sorry and i know its a serious responsibility and i am truly sorry. but i will judge them now i just wanted to comment and tell you all that
thank you
patteringraindrops
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I think this is wonderful. I think like me a lot of people will be able to relate to your words. Excellent flow and meter. Bravo
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Maybe some of those things are just supposed to fit together. I like this poem, keep writing, I'm adding you to my favorites because I think you are cool.
~Alix -
True True and True
In your author notes you say the marriage has gone one sided, this is more than evident from the poem, and straight off from the get go, i had the image of a marriage in my mind, this is a credit to you, that by the end of the first stanze your reader has in mind exactly what it is you were intending to convey, it takes a particular skill to be able to abstractly identify your theme so early on. I like the similies and metaphors and what little imagery there is i also enjoyed, its a clever and whitty poem, feel proud about it.
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So sad when a relationship deteriorates and one party is left feeling like this.
This whole piece is just so precise throughout. You havn't wasted a word. Every letter is perfectly placed, and has the impact to make it so deeply emotional. I could truly feel the words as I read.
The rhyme was immaculate throughout, not a sylable missed, and it flows so smoothly, its amazing. I love rhyme, and its pieces like this that make me love it more.
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I like your poem very much, Love the rhyming and the thoughts that lie within it. I wonder why about these things also.
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This is a really great poem. It fits the bill for so many of us. The repetition sets the poem off perfectly and each stanza is so accurately worded. A very fine creation, thanks for sharing this.
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