Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

In the Land of Women

Verse 1:
I am a guy
With twenty-two sisters
Constantly
Asking me if I kissed her
But it's just as well
I don't kiss and tell
I am a guy
With maybe two brothers
At least they're not
Trying to kill one another
That's 'cause they don't care
When you pull their hair

Chorus:
I'm a man in the land of female magnitude
Influenced by all
Of these good lookin' dolls
I'm a man in the land of bad girl attitude
Where one wrong word will
Get your sorry ass killed

Verse 2:
With one of them
I constantly bicker
She pinches me
Forcing me to flick her
But I love her still
And I always will
With one of them (all of them really)
I'm very protective
Of her men
I'm very selective
'Cause most guys are jerks
That's a rule that works

Chorus:
I'm a man in the land of female magnitude
Influenced by all
Of these good lookin' dolls
I'm a man in the land of bad girl attitude
Where one wrong word will
Get your sorry ass killed

Bridge:
These girls are all I have
To keep my ego small
These girls are all I have at all
And they must come to know
They are my family
They must know how much they mean to me

Verse 3:
There is one
Who's not afraid of dirt
So I laughed
When I saw her in a skirt
She punched me in the nose
For laughing at her clothes
There is one
Who's totally spastic
'Cause her head
Is made out of plastic
And though she's not that smart
She's got a lot of heart

Chorus:
I'm a man in the land of female magnitude
Influenced by all
Of these good lookin' dolls
I'm a man in the land of bad girl attitude
Where one wrong word will
Get your sorry ass killed
For good

Author notes

No, they're not actually my blood-relative sisters, but they might as well be. I have changed so much since they came into my life, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
And since I have such an abundance of "sisters" in real life, I think having several "sisters" on AP seems appropriate.

Yours,
BareFeetOnConcrete

(My birthday is April 20)

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 18 of 18

  • Sesheta
    July 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. I love this! It sounds amazing (I think I should expect that now) and it's funny along with being sweet! You are very lucky to have so many "sisters" and I am lucky to have read this poem! Amazing job!


  • Florida Sunshine
    June 12, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Way to go & Congrats to getting golds! Just shows you this is GOLD~ whoot Nice job!


  • x Bright Eyes x
    May 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i ithought this was well written and i enjoyed reading it thank you for entering and wish you the best of luck in the contest


  • HerbalGoat
    May 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Nice song. It doesn't feel too overdrawn or heavy on certain facts. It also has a touch of humor which is always nice.


  • Nam
    May 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I can't believe this got 2 gold trophies. I reckon this is "myspace". I've been proven correct.

    I did like the fact you spelled "'cause" correctly. Not many do.


  • wingsofgold25 silver member
    May 14, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Very nice But WOw all those sisters.
    Enjoyed reading this Thank you for entering the Contest


  • Dead Hair
    May 13, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Haha, very funny and totally true. Nice descriptions, your poem has lots of character!


  • WriteOrWrong597
    May 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was funny. I like it. Congrats on the golds. I'm sure you deserved them. By the time I got through reading this write, I had a smile on my face, which is uncommon and different than what I usually read. Thank you for sharing this with the group.


  • AutumnsFlame
    May 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Well, when I first started reading this, I thought your rhymes were kinda weak... Example:

    With maybe two brothers
    At least they're not
    Trying to kill one another
    That's 'cause they don't care
    When you pull their hair


    ...Then I realized it was a song... Well this may be good as a song, but as a poem, I don't think it lives up to that... It was fun reading though. Great job and thank you for entering my contest.


  • Bambaloo
    May 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    So true.

    I love this and the message. Though, I thought verse two was a little weak compared to the rest. Loved the chorus, loved the bridge. Very well done in my opinion.


  • Angierie
    May 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Amazing.. it made me laugh a little bit.. and think a lot.


    Magnificent and thanks so much for the entry!!

    Angie


  • grass
    April 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Eh. This is pretty neat, I suppose. The lyrical stuff is rad. I enjoy it. The beat sort of seemed to limit you, though. I agree completely with what Pariah said below about the choruses and such, so fix that up. I'd say you've got a nice piece of work on your hands.


  • lie
    April 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very lyrical piece. I think, though, for poetry it's not necessary to have the full choruses constantly popping up in the poem. When sung, yes; but I would maybe suggest cutting out the middle chorus, though leaving the first instance and second chorus in the piece.
    The work is very easy to read through; most of the lines aren't jagged, in my opinion. This is a definitely a light-hearted piece; which is a nice refreshing change.
    I think there's a nice evolution in the lyrics, it's not all over the place. You were able to stick to a theme.
    With everything in mind, I think this is a nice piece. Thanks for entering.


  • MerelyMadness
    April 13, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Incidently, it just so happens that the movie, "In The Land of Women", comes into theaters on my birthday. What a coincidence
    P.S. I don't believe in coincidences.


  • TWiSTEDxCUPCAKE
    April 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was very nice. That you said that you love them several times. This was a very sweet poem. I liked it a lot.
    Great Write
    ~~Meri~~


  • MerelyMadness
    April 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    The commercial that I saw for the movie was the spark, but it was my life experiences that fanned the flames.


  • animated lies
    April 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    That made me smile, most definitely. I probably enjoyed verse 3 more so than the others. Although the whole thing is written well! Inspired from "In The Land of Women?"


  • country-girl
    April 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    aww, that was really sweet!! i have three brothers, and am the only girl, so it was nice to hear the opposite reaction. very sweet and tender, and lots of love. ver nice work!!

1 - 18 of 18