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Imitation is suicide

A soul is trapped within societies conscience,

each breath an illusion to conquer reality's thirst.

The victim of a mirrored world,

unable to shatter the glass of inner desire.

 

Afraid to escape

the carbon copy robot march.

But...

as time recovers another day,

the synthetic web

entwines a waiting noose.

Author notes

quote "A fashion is nothing but an induced epidemic" George Bernard Shaw - Friday contest

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 21 of 21

  • squeezy
    August 8, 2007

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    Great imagery.

    The ideas within this are inspiring, but what I found most interesting were the fantastic images - metpahors and personification. A really interesting write. Thanks for your entry and good luck!


  • jo-el
    August 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow..first stanza provokes lots of thought. but the words you use in the 2nd stanza..the images, are amazingly relayed. favorite moments...the carbon copy robot march.as time recovers another day,

    the synthetic web

    entwines a waiting noose.
    beautifully expressed. an excellent write


  • reckless abandon
    July 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Interesting. I really like this. The flow and everything is very good. Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest!


  • earthstar
    July 12, 2007
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    Creative use of your images gets the reader to understand the message of the write. That we need to be a person not a carbon copy of some one. I like the flow from start to finish. Creative and gives a fresh air to many write. This is very well done. I am very impressed with this write. The word choices were excellent. Great job


  • bloved
    July 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is really intersting...you didn't have to say a whole lot...but so many things are going thru my mind.

    I think the wording is beautiful and the message is clear...

    We as a society is blind...corrupted.

    Thank you for entering.


  • CrypticAngel
    June 16, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is truly a wonderful write. We are all blind by society, and our 'inner desire' screams to be released to individuality, but we will never embrace and grasp that inner desire, even though some of us do, and we're reprimanded for it. A great write indeed.


  • RT michaels
    June 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    great. Absolutely great. I can tell that a lot of time, thought, and effort cooked up this brilliant work. A comment on society that blends bluntness with remorsefulness. The ending leaves the reader without much hope and contributes to the problem at hand.

    You justify the fashion of the world as it is today in delicate words that are strong within themselves. I find nothing, absolutely nothing wrong with this poem. Thank you very much for entering, and I appreciate this work more than i can justly say.


  • lexy23
    May 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    the quote you've used explains everything, you are a brilliantly talented poet.

    keep up the good work.

    your imagery is breath taking.

    lexy xx


  • myorama
    May 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Brilliantly written. Love 'Afraid to escape the carbon copy robot march.
    But...
    as time recovers another day,
    the synthetic web
    entwines a waiting noose'
    This is so amazingly accurate. A well deserved gold.


  • baawri
    May 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    A Good One

    Very beautifully written. The beginning begins bright with the line
    A soul is trapped within societies conscience
    Many a times what we wish to do we are not able to do due to social barriers and we feel choked living in such a society which imposes restraints on our means of being happy. The yearning to come out of social barriers as depicted in the poem is quite touching. Keep it up.


  • TexasMomma
    May 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    very nicely written and oh so very true,I think you worded this piece very well.keep up the great work my friend!


  • MiZZ-AmAyA
    April 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was amazing and so true. Imitation is suicide. I like your choice of diction in this piece.

    Favorite lines:
    "A soul is trapped within societies conscience,/ each breath an illusion to conquer reality's thirst."

    "Afraid to escape/ the carbon copy robot march"

    Good job

  • Akintunde
    April 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is wonderful, u tried to create an environment where they just want to be like the next person, afraid to take risks. It's cool.


  • rain child
    April 27, 2007

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    WOW this is very true imitation is suicide!!!! I know a quote like that...but I cannot quite remember it. Very well written I liked it alot! I know exactly what you mean people are afraid to ecsape, step out of the box, and be different.

  • PalmettoSky
    April 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    very deep! great writing. This reflective of a very serious thinker! good going! keep up the awesome work. peace and light always in all ways, Kendal


  • deadcolor dreams
    April 12, 2007
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    I like it. It's short, but it feels complete, unlike alot of poems of this length.


  • DancingRed
    April 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Ah, I saw Onyxsoul's contest.
    This is a well described poem, with a great vocabularly.
    Thanks for entering.

    DancingRed.


  • Exodus gold member
    April 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I was surprised by this piece, it is incredibly intelligent. I don't mean that most others aren't, it is just that this was so unexpected in it's wording and even thought that it surprised me (in a good way )
    I am curious though, did you mean realities or realitys'?
    I think you did an incredible job with the last line, it leaves an impact, which is what a good last line should always do. I was worried about allowed pre-writes for fear that people would just enter anything loosely based on whatever vaguely fit but this is excellent Thank you for entering and best of luck


    • Lyre-Bird-
      April 9, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Lmfao I ment the correct spelling... blame spell check
      I will fix that up... and thanx for your wonderful comment....
      goodluck with your contest I am sure you will get some amazing writes

      Tracey


  • AshliiAsphyxiation
    April 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "A soul is trapped within societies conscience,

    each breath an illusion to conquer realities thirst.

    The victim of a mirrored world,

    unable to shatter the glass of inner desire.







    Afraid to escape

    the carbon copy robot march.

    But...

    as time recovers another day,

    the synthetic web

    entwines a waiting noose."

    the whole thing.. rings beauty in mutilation sort of stuff..

    your a talented poet.. i love your work


  • th3sl4y3r
    April 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, I really like this poem, you have used great wording to express the meaning of the title...
    I love these lines...

    "A soul is trapped within societies conscience,
    each breath an illusion to conquer realities thirst.
    The victim of a mirrored world,
    unable to shatter the glass of inner desire."

    These words are so deep and full of emotion, I really like the way you have put this poem together, it is very powerful...
    I love these lines too...
    "as time recovers another day,
    the synthetic web
    entwines a waiting noose."
    truely wonderful, well done!!!!!

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