I am ready to fly I am ready to die
I am ready to destroy I am ready to cry!
I am willing to lose my stronghold
I am willing to shed tears
I am willing to Fear
I am willing to hear
I am willing to see the repetition of the same sin
Defeated soul can not be a knight
Troy has been torn up and souls were sold
I have purified my aroma like gold
I have burnt me
I have brunt thee
I have seen the sin in the sea
I have uttered my destroy with a flute
Pure gold as I am telling you the tale
How a knight became a loser
And how a fairy a sinner
And here goes the end of a love story
In vain we been apart, in vain we struggled
Things tear up in such pieces
Can not ever been re shuffled.
Author notes
A contest entry
- Love is... by Dusty.
513 points, ended April 27, 2007, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make me cry.... by AutumnsFlame.
670 points, ended January 19, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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The rhyme in this is really forced. It's distracting.
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I dont Believe people can cry for others when they themselves have a lots of reasons to cry. Thanks for your opinion. it was good.
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Well I can't say it made me cry, but it was good. You use some good sentences in here. The repetitiveness and the beginning really adds to it. Thank you for entering my contest!
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thank you a lot
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I like this a lot the flow and the wording was really good. thank you for entering my cotnest and sorry it took me so long to juge i had some personal things i had to take care of but thanks again for entering.
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great poem with a vast amount of imagery well done on penning such a wonderful poem and all the best to you in the contest xxx
laura xxx -
this was a great write..your words were powerful and emotional as well and i really enjoyed reading this keep writting your talented
~Chrissy~ -
thank you for your comments, people.
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I've been judging this contest for several hours now ... and at the mention of the "tale", I so wanted to hear it .... The rhyme is incredibly spotty as well. I also don't know what you were reaching for with several of the images and references, perhaps because I don't know you heh. It's not that it's a bad piece, but it doesn't belong in the rhyming narrative contest. Good luck in all the others though.
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this was a really great write..i enjoyed reaidng this very much..your words were strong, powerful and emotional as well and i relate keep writting your very talented
~Chrissy~ -
Thank you for your comment.
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very nice and you represented it in a different way to how most people would show there pain. well dne thnx for enetring and gd luck
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thanks for entering and good luck
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thank you so much
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Nice use of words, about the knight and the fairy took me away. Very awsomenss I love how the title and background really make the poem light up with it's own shiney touch. Great job my friend
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Wow to this creativity. this is a magnificent piece my dear....hmmm love the entire piece so can't pick any single line or stanza. GREAT JOB!!!!
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4.5 - 5
amazingly written, i agree with dusty on the first 7 lines to an extent, they were by far the best lines..but i disagree about her saying that they seemed to belong to a different poem. after reading it a few times, i came to see it as almost a spoken word..emphasizing each line more than the last..greatly written, keep it up -
Wonderful
I like lines 1 to 7. The repitition is striking. I enjoyed the fact that its written like a story of lost love it is sad yet somewhat it didnt seem to have a definate point. also after lines 1 to 7 it almost turns into a differant poem.
I have burn me
I have burned thee
Those made my heart rise in recognition.
A sad poem of sorts also mysterious I really loved the wording.
Ella
Dusty
x x x x
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I am 'loving' your recent poems! it's another great one here. I like the following lines most:
"How a knight became a loser
And how a fairy a sinner."
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