A remarkable, incoherent standard in finding a fellow traveler.
Through transformation and disfiguration of my frames and pages.
Solid steps through the wind place themselves to the side of the pavement and lines.
The world begins to rot and turn and burn and regenerate…
My feet take me far beyond the normal light in mind.
Years upon years
Where calm eyes find
Spacious fields and heavy clouds
Days up days
Where my hands cross
Soft skin and a flat stomach
The flash comes through the dark
I am in consideration of remembering
Or maybe just forgetting.
The water surrounds the southern isles
I am in consideration of dreaming
Or maybe just starting
A new beginning with shaded endings
Which tie my lips to lids
And my heart to my hand
A termination of discrete secrets and possessive love
That fills the brim of leaves by saturated coves
Sounding familiar and giving the walls a world
To speak of
To create
To move on
To move with(out ever moving at all)
So, the stars begin to fade.
My eyes are the restless type tonight.
I sleep to dream her.
In hopes to never hurt.
So, the stars begin to rust.
My lungs are the careless type tonight.
I keep hands over heart.
In hopes to forever dream.(for evergreen eyes)
I am not afraid.
At least I’m just scared.
To live within the experience of lively sound.
A speedy evolution of my new indigenous religion.
My new regenerating organs.feelings.skin.
Tall grass finds a way to placid lakes
Before the temple of your human body.
The congregation of fireflies and rootless trees
Control my eyes to locate your inside (of insight for sightless miles).
Rolling clouds bring the laughter of children
And the cloudless reign brings the silence in storms.
Correlation between beating days and a settling phase
Is my only hope to create the manifestation of which I sleep
To dream.
And dream to breathe.
A regenerating day.
Of calm eyes beating with a skyless tie.
Author notes
Is this trip really necessary?
A contest entry
- give me your favourites (prewrites allowed). by aeolia.
500 points, ended July 29, 2007, 57 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything by Nam.
900 points, ended August 25, 2007, 97 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Sound off...
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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That was a deep and touching write. Full of raw and deep emotion and feeling. Love the ending dealing with dreaming. Dreaming is wonderful when it is controled. Great write indeed!
Blessings of peace,
Azlyn
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THis is a good example of Modern art, in poetry. It's got a pinch of surreal, a pinch of gonzo and a bit of psych. I'd like to see it get a bit more confused, as indeed it aspires to emulate an honest trip out. Insane associations, are evedent here but could be expounded for the betterment of this trip. I was wanting it to dive into a psychedelic frenzy, it almost does but the narrative is too cohesive, too cognisant, and too conscious. Nevertheless it's better than a vast majority of material i've read on here lately. Good job, work on your madness!
Your best lines IMO are as follows:
A termination of discrete secrets and possessive love
That fills the brim of leaves by saturated coves
Sounding familiar and giving the walls a world
To speak of
To create
To move on
To move with(out ever moving at all)
And this:
Tall grass finds a way to placid lakes
Before the temple of your human body.
The congregation of fireflies and rootless trees
Control my eyes to locate your inside (of insight for sightless miles
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most excellant write
way to long, far to distant, we find our path is the same.
take hand to mine, this journey is thine
walk in assured love of this new beginning, remember past sectets and loves, of choices forced from above,
take heart, that yours be safe for in mine shall i carry it. protected by love sheilded by acceptance.
till we part paths you to your new one and me as guide to another.
take this new life, that your soul finds new love,experiences and knowledge your past suffering is no more.
now your new path is hear to tread, please do not fear, and do not dread. remember my kiss and caress good-bye,
till aganin we meet my traveler dear.
yes this trip was necessary
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WOW
You have done some serious work here! What a fine piece of poetic royalty. The vocabulary and imagery are to die for. I love it! Stop by and see me! sweet
POETDONTKNOWIT -
great
travlers such a change from the ussual topics most peoms are about ...it took me on a voyage...ty...and keep up the creativity....peace katie.....lots of luck in the future -
I love your authors notes, yes it was because that is human life trying to be decoding through your eyes and mind. I just love abstact and surreal aspects of this poem. I loved how it jumped around too, it's just like life and dreams it can start out one way and totally change without notice or consent. I trulu enjoyed the poem.
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;)
A remarkable, incoherent standard in finding a fellow traveler.
Through transformation and disfiguration of my frames and pages.
Solid steps through the wind place themselves to the side of the pavement and lines.
The world begins to rot and turn and burn and regenerate…
My feet take me far beyond the normal light in mind.
Years upon years
Where calm eyes find
Spacious fields and heavy clouds
Days up days
Where my hands cross
Soft skin and a flat stomach
The flash comes through the dark
I am in consideration of remembering
Or maybe just forgetting.
The water surrounds the southern isles
I am in consideration of dreaming
Or maybe just starting
A new beginning with shaded endings
Which tie my lips to lids
And my heart to my hand
A termination of discrete secrets and possessive love
That fills the brim of leaves by saturated coves
Sounding familiar and giving the walls a world
To speak of
To create
To move on
To move with(out ever moving at all)
So, the stars begin to fade.
My eyes are the restless type tonight.
I sleep to dream her.
In hopes to never hurt.
So, the stars begin to rust.
My lungs are the careless type tonight.
I keep hands over heart.
In hopes to forever dream.(for evergreen eyes)
I am not afraid.
At least I’m just scared.
To live within the experience of lively sound.
A speedy evolution of my new indigenous religion.
My new regenerating organs.feelings.skin.
Tall grass finds a way to placid lakes
Before the temple of your human body.
The congregation of fireflies and rootless trees
Control my eyes to locate your inside (of insight for sightless miles).
Rolling clouds bring the laughter of children
And the cloudless reign brings the silence in storms.
Correlation between beating days and a settling phase
Is my only hope to create the manifestation of which I sleep
To dream.
And dream to breathe.
A regenerating day.
Of calm eyes beating with a skyless tie
I loved this poem. It really caught my eye. Origional, and I like the color scheme.
very nice. cant wait to read more. -
The title was catchy and original, and I was not dissapointed when I read it. The first stanza didn't match anything else in the poem, but other than that, I don't see anything outstanding that would be considered criticism. It was beautifully written and every line read wonderfully smooth. How much time did you spend on this? I'd love to know. Thank you so much for sharing.
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I cant really distinctly call how long it really took me to write this. More than likely around an hour. I try to let things seep out without revising anything. thank you for your comment.
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UNBELIEVEABLE!!!!!!!!
That may very well be one of the coolest things ive ever read in my entire life. It is so awesome i dont have the words. It was such a smooth and soft read with wonderful wording and your way of description is beyond compare. It made me feel like i was reading some piece by a "classic or great writer" that was required reading in high school. Only at this point in time im interested and can appreciate it.
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Beatiful.
you have new words in this.
i enjoyed reading every line and i pictured every action.
I keep hands over heart.
In hopes to forever dream.(for evergreen eyes)
My absolute favorite.
reminds me of sleeping next to you. -
This contained some really good imagery. Best wishes.
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