The words don't seem to come.
The torture doesn't end.
The joy in its voice has faded,
As heaven's prayers are sent.
What hides its face from precious light,
Is in love with misery's darkness.
The golden glow in its heart is gone.
Its diminished pain has suffered too much.
A shadow of fear creeps over it,
Until its shallow heartbeat slows,
And it longs to break free,
From the prison within.
It's dead to its mind,
Its hopes, it can't find.
It wants not to end,
Its dreams, it can't mend.
It leaves its past behind,
Its empty page has been signed.
Its spirit starts to die,
Its life is an endless cry.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I like the emotion that you're able to portray in this poem. It's strong but sincere. You discuss a very understandable topic, that I think almost everyone can relate to.
The structure is nice as well. The first and last stanzas have a good rhyme scheme going and the verses between them have a great assonance. I like how the first three stanzas flow smoothly, then the last one you change the form on it a little bit and it seems to get a little more fast-paced.
Overall, I think this is a great poem. Very emotional, best of luck in the contest.
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This is really good I like it. I can see vividly of the prison. Great job. keep up the the good work.
A shadow of fear creeps over it,
Until its shallow heartbeat slows,
And it longs to break free,
From the prison within.
this was my favorite part. as i said keep up the good work.
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