My origami crane unfolded. Legs
extended, the covers sliding away.
The day creased with concerns
shook shadows out of the corners.
Her dreams were in mourning,
as she smoothed away the wrinkles
from the comforter and folded the gray day
against the holes in her heart. She could
feel the heart that loved her brush
her cheek, catch the tear falling
out of her hopes. She wondered
if she would ever learn the pattern of folds
needed to create a home
set a child free
to fold the origami blossoms of his own life.
She leaned against the door jamb
watched the sunlight dance. She
wrapped her arms around herself
wondered where the next hug came from.
Heard the frogs, felt her dog's wet nose against
the knee. Headed outside to feel the dream fed grass.
9:55 PM
April 6th, 07
Alexandria, VA
Author notes
Even good girls get the blues
In a list
A contest entry
- ~"Creative Passion"..For Men Only~ by Nature Song.
525 points, ended April 9, 2007, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you feel, see.
Comments
1 - 47 of 47
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I like it.
Lots of imagery. -
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Thanks. It was a pleasure to write. Love, Tom B.
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"Her dreams were in mourning,
as she smoothed away the wrinkles
from the comforter and folded the gray day
against the holes in her heart."
Sighhh...Gorgeous penning, my Friend...I think that, perhaps, ESPECIALLY good girls seem to get the blues...they are constrained by the intimate tethers of their heart, so they can't just go out & do whatever they please in order to change their mood...They must wait for Love's gentle caress to smooth their worried brow...Beautifully penned, Poet...Good luck in Sie's contest...
Wanda
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Wanda you catch so nicely the inner vision of this piece. I had fun with the metaphor of origami expanded to a larger vision than before. One of my reviewers gave me a nice word for it, metonymy.
Thanks for everything.
Love, Tom B.
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Artistry--At It's Finest Here On A.P.
What I liked most about this piece is...your ability to see "the blues" from a woman's perspective. You seem very in-touch with your character. Your ability to elucidate, even with metaphors is breathtaking. I simply have to say that the metonymy is what makes this piece so intriguing. And a word that is used to frequently on this site..Imagery! I saw myself inside the story, watching as she leaned on the door jamb.
Overall, Job well done. Pat yourself on the back for another splendid piece in your pocket.
~MotherMachineGunn~ -
(I thought I commented on this already too, but I guess not).
You see the world through poet's eyes and that is a gift. You blend the concrete with the abstract.
This is extremely creative and a very interesting read.
Cris
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I wrote two Plain Jane poem's in a row. Thanks for sharing that it touched you. I didn't notify you directly because it does sing the blues. You know.
I am glad that you appreciate the vision. I work hard to tie my poems down with the world so they do not become so full of my hot air that we both drift free from the world.
Love, Tom B.
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Ahh,clever,creative poet,there isn't a poetess on the planet that will not relate to this piece,indeed we all have a need to sing the sweet low,sweet chariot of the blues,especially liked the creased concerns of the day,a melancholy minestrone of the soup of survival for the girl with an aching heart
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I got the idea from someone elses poem. it lay fallow for several weeks. Then, on the way to work, I saw the image of the legs extending out of bed and the origami crane with all it's folds. My metaphor and symbol was set. I accented it with the crease and folding. We learn, if we are to survive, not to give to much weight to these gray songs we sing on occasion. Thanks for sharing so nicely how it touched you. Love, Tom B.
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I feel....hope, but loss, worry and confusion, and yet peace...like nothing is quite right but she someone knows that it will be...
" She wondered
if she would ever learn the pattern of folds
needed to create a home
set a child free
to fold the origami blossoms of his own life"...I really like the feeling I get here...she's wondering, and yet I fel she already knows that the answer is "yes"
good luck in the contest!
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The blues are sadness stewed with hope and simmered over the frustration of it's not time yet. We all feel them. The wisest know not to make too much out of it, for it shall pass. Deep in our hearts we know that we shall accomplish gifts of greatness in time. We will see it in the eyes that we touch. Love Tom B.
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The blues are sadness stewed with hope and simmered over the frustration of it's not time yet. We all feel them. The wisest know not to make too much out of it, for it shall pass. Deep in our hearts we know that we shall accomplish gifts of greatness in time. We will see it in the eyes that we touch. Love Tom B.
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Wow, this is wonderful. It's so vague yet powerful. Like watching a movie of one's self. I can feel her body going through the movements while her heart watches from beyond. Amazing!
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Wonderful compliment. I got the image of the origami crane as a person with cares and concerns getting out of bed on the way to work. The rest wrote itself when I got home about nine or ten hours later. Still have you touched so deeply by this. Wonderful gift -- your sharing. Love Tom B.
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oh my god! This was pure genius! wow! I loved reading this. it just felt like art in the form of poetry. great work fellow poet. keep that pen flowing. I always love to see what you are going to offer up next. peace and light, kp
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Thank you. I try to capture the feelings and let the picture show the reader. We all see -- the trick, most of the time, is to share it with the reader. Tom B.
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Yeah but this is something about the blues thatgives rise to some great lyrics and poems. The feeling of keeping down and letting it go at the sametime. We still manage to get it right now and then. Like the bluebird plain jane learns to fly. nicely penned.
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No judgement, on my part, about the rightness or wrongness. This is only a reflection of what I see in this sea of life. The up and down waves and how they are not personal, but like rain, touch us all. Love Tom B.
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Amazing
I love this series!!!
I already told you, it's a book!
Can't wait for the next one
As always, beautiful and unique, my friend....
ALways a pleasure to take in your words...
Lynda
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Lynda if you like this one you should read the one that comes before it. It is a love poem to Plain Jane, not that the others are not as well. Can you see this is about the light at the end of the tunnel even though it sounds dark. Love, Tom B.
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i haven't read your stuff in a while...i liked this one alot
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I am glad you enjoyed the visit. Please stop by again and share your joy. Love Tom B.
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i thought i commented on this yesterday. heee... look at that. guess i didn't.
oh well.
[hehehe... i love leaving you lame comments. it's fun] -
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Damm! This Is Good
My dear you make our pain and sad emotions easier to deal with, because this read tells me, "It's going to be alright. Make a choice. Time goes on and this feeling of grey will not last forever." Once again I read you out loud, and the words melted over me. "I had been there before." Brilliant Free Verse, excellent writing..............novy
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You catch the lyricism that runs through my words. Every moment having its own song, its own rhythm. The images the color and texture of the notes that sing them into being. Remember this is about the blue , not depression. We, all, know those moments of lassitude that can trip us up and bring down the day. Your right, it only takes a fresh breeze, a friend's smile to blow them all away. Love, Tom B.
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this is a very, very beautiful write and i loved it,
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I am glad that it touched you. I hope for all of its capturing the morning blues it did it in a way that shows the love behind the words. Love, Tom B.
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it most certainly did
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Beautifully written and so deep and profound. I really loved this piece. Great job.
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Thanks for taking the time to share your joy with this piece. It helps me stay confident enough to take on the next one. Love, Tom B.
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She
wrapped her arms around herself
wondered where the next hug came from.
Heard the frogs, felt her dog's wet nose against
the knee. Headed outside to feel the dream fed grass.
what a great ending for this. Somehow most of the write has a very sad tone, but permission is granted for smiles again {if one knows where to find them] and that can be by the hugging of self , the noise of the frogs , the dogs wet nose and definitely the dream fed grass.
BTW, my grass has a dusting of snow this early am....how about Alexandria? Have a great Easter my friend
much love
xoxoxoxo
reenie
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My daffodils had white bonnets this morning. The Tulips are only beginning to show color before bloom and were drapped in white cloaks like debutants.
I was scared at first to try this one. To try to capture anothers inner journey and to touch upon the feelings of the oppisite sex felt at first like a show of hubris rather than art. But then, the drive to create the piece overwhelmed my hesitations. Glad you could enjoy this interlude. Love, Tom B.
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Very nice. I have read the other 'Plain Jane' series and this follows suit with the rest well. Good luck in the contest! ~Sie
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Your just getting spoiled You know my stuff to well and it is hard to surprise you any more. Love, Tom B.
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This is beautiful poetry. You never cease to amaze me sir. Stunning. :f
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I have been in this place, going through the motions and yearning for the illusive self-knowing that there is so much more if I could only stop it from slipping through my heart like a knife through warm butter. You weave the dreams like dew drops on a cobweb, Tomis. She has to know they are going to evaporate in the sunshine, and they won't sparkle when it rains. And the tears don't either.
Well done.
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There is a Plain Jane before this one. I will have to check and see if you have seen it. I don't remember. This one was supposed to be written before it. I have had the title for some time. It was in response to a poem I read. This is just about one of those moments when the tide is out and the ocean is flat. It sucks but it passes soon enough and I have learned not to give it more weight than it deserves. We need our dreams, but more importantly we need a life to build our dreams upon. Love, Tom B.
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You know this is a really interesting poem to say the very least. These thoughts... worries... concerns are all so beautifully expressed. Even in their saddness they capture pure beauty! I love the wording here... I can not give an example, for I would have to copy and paste this entire perfect poem in this comment box..lol.
Your heart and soul is so loving and understanding. This perhaps explains my great love for you. You have a way to create the images that fly through my head.. and make them make sense. What can I say? You are awesome. The way you are with that pen of yours makes me crave more and more and more. I would make myself sick on your sweetness... drank of you till I burst.
In all seriousness... you have a way of caressing the thoughts of woman... and making even our despair.. our "moment" of worry seem beautiful and completely understood.
Love you.
Mel
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your comments have touched me deeply. I try as you know to capture feelings with words and create a vocabulary that allows us to speak with greater integrity of our feelings to each other. When we are able to speak from our love with strength and integrity, I think we start to change the world. Love Tom B.
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Sounds like one who had many dreams at one time and watched them walk out the door.As her love left she wondered if ever she would have a happy home as sheheads outside toward the future. Tom, as with the rest, this Plain Jane continues her journeys in hopes. Great write my brother,
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Just wanted to capture for a moment, that moment when sadness descends. It is never forever. We learn not to listen to it for too long. But we feel it. Listen and move on.
Love Tom B.
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Oh now she has made me sad...for in Life, we do get the blues yet she is learning to embrace it, feel it , and then smoothe it down, then goes back to the tiny pleasures in life that brings her a smile...excellent..cannot wait for the next one in this series..Bravo, you are such an awesome writer...
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This was a tricky write. No melodrama, nothing but dignity, the day and a moment of sadness. We all get them, we learn to move on.
Love Tom B.
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She has memories this one, not all the good ones of now but some of the sadder moments in life but she packs them up and stores them away, sometimes they sneak out when she is blue but then she sees someone who makes her smile again. Love, C
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We all have those moments. The day stops, we breathe and can hear our own echoes. We learn not to wallow, but that doesn't stop us from having them. Love, Tom B.
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