We broke into the night.
Spring cool hands
splayed across our waists,
pinch of goose flesh--
we learned to dance, bare
footed; shoulders curved
into an almost heart, polar
pull of hips
tickled against each other
stars fireflied on our hair,
fade in, brighten-
twinkled wishes made
in a minute
dragged out into hours.
We were present tense, only
tomorrow but an after-thought
as we leaned into a yearning
but, oh- we were magic
for a moment
lost in the exhale of midnight
lost in the congo beat of our blood-
venus between our fingertips,
twisting moonlight on our tongues
and just before dawn awoke
to stretch arms over us
in a whisper of red,
lavender and blues,
we taught each other poetry
in kissing
with our eyes closed --
Author notes
[The Night Poems-- round II]
sometimes, you just have to write mushy stuff... okay, I'm lying.
A contest entry
- No work required for this contest. Prewrites only. by yoopea.
617 points, ended July 21, 2007, 74 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
twinkled wishes? WTF?
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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beauty
Aw the beauty of young and true love. YOu have explained it beautifully in this piece. This piece seemed magical, and you can really tell you put alot of work into it and it really paid off. You did a fantastic job, my favorite line HAS to be:
"lost in the exhale of midnight
lost in the congo beat of our blood-
venus between our fingertips,
twisting moonlight on our tongues"
That to me is truely a beautiful few lines, and so powerfully descriptive.
Love Linz -
this is wonderful
the choices of words here are the thing for me, so skillfully done to give just the intended level of color, excitement, enthusiasm. Convincingly gives the impression of an innocent in the voice, so very appealing....very well done...PK
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OMG
Meli my dear this is truly lovely and twinkled wishes..lol
Okay... I am so "delighted" that you have shared a bit of that mushy side with us all
Your poetry is always exceptional... even the mushy stuff
Loved this!
Happy Easter!!
Linda
And just for you...
"had to throw that in there!"
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Nice
Lmao love yourt poem its an all round cool poem with wickedly cool words and just the flow is aweosme and an all round good pome. I am dieing from loaughter at your lil authors note. any ways good luck and kepe it up 
me
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lol
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beautiful
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"We were present tense" - great line!
I enjoyed reading this. You've conveyed the feelings and images of young love quite well - and "twinkled wishes" fits.
Cris
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I liked the caesuras in this..
hehe.. twinkled wishes-- :)) Nah it's sweet.. it works well :)
I loved:
oh- we were magic
for a momentThe hyphen pausing the line, and then the enjambent suspending the magic for just that little bit longer. Worked really nicely :)
Sometimes mushy stuff is sweet ;)
xxx
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spring cool hands... hmmm a bit like cool hand luke..
... ahh yeah... remember the scene when she's washing the car?? phewwww
anyways.... back to the poem
lovely lovely lovely... hands, breaths, kisses..... just lovely
mush... ?? yeah... so what... tis all grand
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a little touch of mushiness is good for the soul [now and then] you do this lurve stuff so very well
just wondering what will happen when you get to ~69?
elaine
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I hate to write mushy love stuff but I like to read it. You write it well.
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beautiful!
So very beautiful!
You always say you can't write love poems!
Just look at this....so perfect!!!
Love it
Lynda
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Extremely well writen...vivid imagery and romantic requiem of love and all that it encompasses...heart-felt...good luck!
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