Consider this:
The bored spectator
Man with a worm in his heart
Widow disconnected from her life
Tortured souls submerged too deep in art
who paint and write of primitive hostility
across the millenia.
Fledgling handcuffed
to the impotent logic of missionaries
who try to illuminate clocks,
footsoldiers blighted by mechanical weariness,
skeletal orphan who sucks
at the cold breast of
its dead mother.
Lavish grand opera
that plays for the selected few,
masters of the universe like you
who saunter along the promenade
untouched by fury and
insist all is well
with the world.
Author notes
Not sure about the last stanza, sounds erm, preachy? Moralistic? Ideas? Help!!!!!!!!!!
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Deep thought provoking write of the injustices and hypocrisy of society.
Truth rings clear as you paint with your brush how some would white wash the ills and say it is nothing....Thanks for your poetic voice speaking out!
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This is sad! Really something to consider when one think all is well? I must say that the orphan was the most striking part and it griefs me to think how much of this is going on in the world.
Very well done Sonja!
Becks
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powerful
Sonia, this reads like a scathing indictment on those who are oblivious (by design or sheer ignorance) to all that ails this vexed planet of ours. All is definitely not well with the world; we are enmeshed in this earthly quagmire of our own creation.
Mankind considers himself to be at the top of the food chain, yet he is the one holding the proverbial smoking gun over the casualty heap of environmental issues and atrocious acts of human cruelty. And please don't dismiss this as a mere lament, because the time for lamenting has long ago passed; this is the time for action driven by a desire for universal equality and justice. As Jimi Hendrix so eloquently stated: "when the love of power is replaced by the power of love we will know peace in this world."
Sorry I feel like I am pontificating on my soap box here and that is not my goal. Your writing is ever deep with words that cut to the chase and leave the reader with much to ponder. I do hope you have plans on publishing your amazing work, and trust all is well with you there.
p.s. stay the hell away from Glasgow airport for a while OK?
Henri -
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Hey Henri,
Thanks for the insightful comment. The perversely wealthy are those that don't appear to give a shit. But I won't launch into a full scale rant and bore you to death. Am still busy with book, it's coming along slowly but surely. Just had some unexpected distractions this year. As for Glasgow airport, I fly to europe over the weekend for my hols, so hopefully I'll get there with my limbs intact
.Bush and Blair are the real terrorists (well Gordon Brown now, but it's a case of same shit different face.......). Are there any TRUE socialists left in the world???
How are YOU? I didn't realise you were back in Canada. Have you published any of your work anywhere yet? XXX
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All is very ill with this world, but the way you make this statement is wonderfully ept with sharp dagger stabs so well done I fear that those you stab against won't even know it.
A wonderfully precise yet emotional write. my oh my. I wouldn't have thought that possible until now.
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Only in the eternal, invincible summer, so I delight. Everything else has it beauty...except for, of course, spiritual nipples from hell. Spring is still my favorite season...the season of change, fresh beauty, hope beyond yesterday? The past will applaude the future in the revolution of love. I don't have to be logical (logic of this world is sick), but I do have to love everything about my perception, for it is me. And mesay this is one of the best I've ever read, for it addresses the real ills of the world. Thank you. Time is a gift.
Preach to me, baby!
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Hmmm, I ike this a lot even as I continue to lick the salt from the third stanza.
Mmm, I can see why you think it mayhaps preachy, but being a man rooted in the rocks of the Karoo, i am very against earthy masters of the universe, thus in my biased view the stanza was quite excellent with just the right amount of indignation to make it a worthwhile and soulstirring read.
About the rest: some images will for some time keep knocking on the inside of my skull. Which begs the question who/what pissde you off for this to see the light?
Maybe you should let that happen often...
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From whence takes reality her hue?
Does winter shine but in summer's sun?
Does water's wealth weigh best in desert winds?
Is freedom cast from chains of slavery?
From whence takes reality her hue..? -
This is quite a powerful poem with strong imagery. I found this poem quite sad, to me it showed the sadness and poverty of the many compared to the richness of the few (just my interpretation)
Pozo
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Hey Pozo, thanks for taking the time to read and comment. Always means much when folk do :-)
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Oh I love this, ..but yes ..that last bit sounds slightly pontifical? Maybe if you take the pronouns [you,who] and saunter out?
Lavish grand opera
that plays for the selected few
masters of the universe, [like you]
[who saunter] along the promenade even
in winter, untouched by fury,
and insist all is well
with the world.
and maybe something like..
insisting the world is all well?
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Good one
Well your page has improved greatly since I was here last. Excellent quote from Mayakovsky.
Re the final stanza, I think you might change "and insist". Masters of the universe don't have to insist on anything.
assuming all is well
in the world.
might give it a slightly different final cadence. Just my idea. Wouldn't normally presume so far, but you did ask for inputs. Otherwise a great sequence of images that work together really well.
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Cheers for input Gregor, much appreciated. The whole piece needs reworked to be honest. It was just an initial draft. I agree with what you said about masters of the universe, will change that as suggested. Any more advice let me know. Cheers muchly.
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This is a keeper!
Sonia, this is stellar writing, at least in my humble opinion. The first two stanzas especially, display your craft of word wizardry steeped in powerful symbolism. I've read this several times and had the same impact each read.
You state reservations about the last stanza? I think it works well and its message is consistent with the previous two. That said however, I felt that (perhaps) the last two lines could be reworded but keep the same message. If that makes any sense.
All that aside your writing has always impressed me; Well thought out, eloquently expressed and an accurate reflection of the fertile and wise intelect from which they are spawned. I do love poetry that challenges me and leaves me in deep thought long after the reading.
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Thanks for your encouragement Henri as always, means much. Not sure about the piece as a whole actually, but I'll work on those final two lines as suggested :-)XX
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not preachy
reality bites
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What fools indeed !! You are too kind Sir Quill, always encouraging the neophytes like my good self. It is always appreciated XX
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Love it.. doesn't it just quiss you off..! The problem seems to be that a selected few are lucky enough to be strafed and scarred by the realities of life - the rest float by on their opaque clouds of super-imposed, carefully moulded, hallowed misperceptions... and rejoice in the mirage to boot!
What fools these mortals be..!
Another clear vent from a crystal soul. Classy writing.
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