Well if i won the lottery
what do you think i'd do
I'd put it all in the bank of course
And watch while it grew
i'd spend it on stocks and bonds
Rather than gamble it away
I'd put it in the bank of course
And that is where it would stay
I'd put it in the bank of course
And not fritter it away
On cars or houses or fancy boats
Or other useless play
I'd put it in the bank, thats all
Where it could ripen and steep
While i rested easy at home
Finding it easy to catch my sleep
well...
Well maybe i'd buy myself just one car
And a house or two or three
And all of the yaghts allover the world
Would not be enough for me
Yes, and maybe i'd buy some diamonds
Live my life big and rich and free
And so what if I blow my millions
And wind up on social security...
Author notes
don't know if this is any good or not... but i'd love to stick with you for another round of interesting contests... (I'll do my best not to get cabin fever this time.)
A contest entry
- A POET AND GAMBLERS PARADISE! (Prewrites allowed) by Keith Drew.
300 points, ended April 22, 2007, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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*giggle*
Indeed this is what we'd do. Nice to have you in this competition again. If I had a million dollars.... Well, with inflation and taxes, we'd almost be there.... LOL.
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I love it!
excellent poem excellent humour Tele!
Welcome back hope you fair well this time? If you are allowed to go through the poet gambler doors.
But with this poem I don't see a problem.
V I P lounge for you!
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Oh and I totally forgot, I also had some ideas to "improve" (because it's just my opinion) your rhythm.
Line 4: "watch IT"
Line 5: "spend it ALL"
Line 8: "that'S where"
Line 15: "rested easily"
Line 16: (to remove the repetition) substitute "effortlessly cathcing my sleep"
Line 20: remove "And" and "of"
Line 22: remove "Yes"
Line 23: remove "my"
I hope it helps. And mainly that these comments don't make you want to chuck something at my head.
X -
You're back, too! What a lovely reunion.
Now this is a poem that's pretty damn realistic. Lovin it!
A few pointers...
Line 1: commas after "well" and "lottery"
Line 2: question mark after "do"
Line 3 (and others): commas after "bank" and "course"
Line 12: period after "play"
Line 13: comma after "all"
Line 14: semicolon after "steep"
Lines 15 and 16: it would be nice if you didn't use "easy" twice.
Line 20: "yaghts" is actually spelt "yachts", and you've accidentally not put a comma between "all" and "over". And you've said "all" twice in one line =(
And you need a period at the end. Actually, I don't like this line much, as I also think the "of" is uncalled for. But that's just me. Ignore it if you wish.
Line 23: a period at the end would be nice...
Okay well it's mainly punctuation. And you might want to capitalize consistently.
But very nice poem, and it's nice too see you again!
xXx
Marieke -
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You are far too bright Marieke!
Muwahhhhhhh! Big Strawberry Kiss!
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