time hangs like burned popcorn
no windows open, the door is shut
people pass by on their busy ways
and i feel like all the hurrying in the world
won't get me where i want to go.
i remember fingertips brushing
ever so lightly, glancing exposed side of neck
where tender kisses would then grow
catching my breath at just the thought
thought mushrooms and lengthens my shadow
because I am so much farther from the sun
than ever i used to be,
i have to learn again to breathe.
Author notes
23 blocks to go -- who came up with mental blocks anyway?
A contest entry
- take out the trash, would ya? by whatamanycando.
550 points, ended May 16, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
empty trash complete.
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Good
Another good piece, you hit the heights with the first two lines, they are excellent.
James
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This is thick with figurative language, all of which was very effective and fit perfectly with the feeling you were trying to portray. I especially loved the last line, it summed the poem up beautifully.
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falling
thick with figurative language - i suppose that phrase can sum up a lot of what i write. thank you for reading.
peace and a good night's sleep,
k
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Excellent job, my dear.
Much enjoyed this one.
The tender lines like,
"I remember fingertips brushing,
ever so lightly, glancing exposed side of neck,"
to the original and seemingly out-of-nowhere,
"Time hangs like burned popcorn," and,
"thought mushrooms and lengthens my shadow," are just so different and so amazing at the same time.
-Allura
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Allura, thanks sweetie
i was trying to capture a poignant moment of present and past in sight, sound, smell and memory.
will be 'round to read some of yours as soon as i get my final exams done.
thanks. your comments keep me coming back here when little else does. -
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I see, quite ambitious; haha. You pulled it off well though.
Alright, that sounds great. ^^
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