Families are falling down
falling down,
falling down,
families are falling down,
and no one is watching.
Little girls
ribbons and curls,
now in black fishnets,
mascara and crimson,
smile so sweetly at a trick
for her next fix.
Families are falling down
falling down,
falling down,
families are falling down,
and no one is watching.
Innocence traded,
for ecstasy kisses and cocaine,
dark circles and size 3's
so pretty a disease,
candy cost for her escape,
blank stare in her eye,
as she asks for more.
Families are falling down
falling down,
falling down,
families are falling down,
and no one is watching.
Little boys
trade in their Tonka toys,
no more playing cops and robbers,
as he just robbed the liquor store,
with a street colt 45.
Families are falling down
falling down,
falling down,
families are falling down,
and no one is watching.
He's now standing on the corner,
wild look in his eyes,
waiting for his meth surprise
nervously looking for his dealer,
now the love of his dreams,
could cost him his life,
which doesn't even matter.
Families are falling down
falling down,
falling down,
families are falling down,
and it's too late to stop it!
Author notes
~Bronze~, ~Gold~
mystic
In a list
A contest entry
- An outside view of youth by Suicide Hotline.
525 points, ended June 12, 2008, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 57 of 57
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This is simply amazing. Breathtaking even, you did an admirable job and this is a grogeous poem. Unfortunately i do not think it falls under the category of 'dirty pretty' and so i have to dq it. i apologize greatly
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Definately agree with you. Can relate to this so much hun. I think that the world is going downhill these days, people never stay innocent for long these days and I hate it. I wish I stayed innocent a little longer, but I think it wasn't my fault I lost the innocence I had, it was the situations that others got me in.
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I totally understand and am so sorry someone eles took your innocence too so...we all deserve better then that and it happens too so to too many more and more daily...sadly it if often by thouse who are suppose to protected us.
Love to you!
Kim
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Innocence traded,
for ecstasy kisses and cocaine,
dark circles and size 3's
so pretty a disease,
candy cost for her escape,
blank stare in her eye,
as she asks for more.
Wow, so true in this day and time.
Great write! Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest!! -
God, that picture is amazing.....
I really liked the poem there..the words were great, the imagery used in them too..
Great write, powerful stuff. -
This is so sad because it is true.
It is now the lives of many teenagers,
many families are breaking,being destroyed
because of this sort of thing and ...nothing can be done to stop it even though some lives can be saved and some families. It is saddening that this is where this world is going but at least God's grace is more than abundant when evil is abundant. This was really well written, it was a great poem about reality.
...Simply Me♥
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very amazing, thanks for the entery
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This is really good. Thank you for entering.
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this was worthy of more then nothing damn people..
hey i can say what i want.
sis this was one helluva piece. enjoyed the read..
best wishes to you
love
Tory
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Wow. Breathtaking truth, imagery, and emotion felt throughout all of this. I'm glad you entered.
Thanks for entering, and best of luck!!!
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sooooo dark.
loove it -
this is really good. i love the picture. it looks like a lost fairy and i looooove fairys. this poem is so real. good work.
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its good the girls story was better tho little more intense
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its good the girls story was better tho little more intense
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This is really great. I love the idea of distorting a child's song. Very creative. And smart.
Great poem,
Best of luck. -
I like how you've brought a childs nursery rhyme in here and twisted it, it's cleverly done, i wish you the best of luck in the contest,
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Chorus reminds me of London Bridge in Falling Down - lyrical and easy to read and understand. Such a sad look at life of some in these lines- not a pretty picture. This woulds make a great poem to read over the background movie in slow motion of surreal images as seen in the verses.
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I love that picture and the way you displayed your words.
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WOW
a real raw write
bravo
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wow this is really creating a good veiw on life now days.... it reminds me of a song...... this could actually be a song.... i really like this poem.
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Great great poem, jeez you better win soon or there will be an injustice. beautiful background, beautiful poem.
whisper
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...nicee
this personally gets me...considering
the fact i see my friends and their families
(even my own) falling apart, everday.
You may not kno how well you touched on this.
alright man, thanks for writing.
Peace
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well done
the original london bridge was a story about the bubonic plague, atchoo all fall down, so this use of traditional fairy tales is appropriately grim as the plagues you speak of seem equally devastating...PK
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This is a sad write. Such saddnes for the families and children. Nice write, dark and mysterious. Le travail merveilleux. Good luck.
~Oka/KC -
wow! i love this, it reminds me so much of my life.
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Interesting write. It looks like a lyrical poem. I love the whole basis of this poem...it really brings out the idea of what the world is coming to. Great write.
My Favorite Verse:
Little boys
trade in their Tonka toys,
no more playing cops and robbers,
as he just robbed the liquor store,
with a street colt 45.
Keep Penning
~Love and Light~
Raymond -
This was a really good poem, keep up the great work!
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I adore this poem. It's so powerful! It delivers such a powerful and pertinent message to the world of today.
Are you a musician? This could make a really good song, I think.
My only criticism is that exclamation point at the end. It feels very out of place, almost exuberant. I understand that you're trying to leave an impact at the end of the poem; I think the change of the final line is enough to send the message home, with a simple period making a fitting close.
Other than that, I adore it. -
oh my gosh this poem is amazing...the whole
"Little girls
ribbons and curls,
now in black fishnets,
mascara and crimson,
smile so sweetly at a trick
for her next fix."
is truly myself... i remember being young and not being this way...
i love the repeating "familys are falling down" that also reminds me of my life. anyway amazing write!!!
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you did a great job with this. i really liked it. it was twisted with the truth and it was a good slap across the face for a lot of people who don't understand this. great job. keep it up.
amanda♥♥
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This is fantastic.... you've put the truth down in such a raw and honest way. It's heart breaking, but the truth needs to be spoken. Well done.
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Dark and Haunting. I'll be thinking about it for a while. I hear a song in there.
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amazing
I like the depth of this poem. The flow was excellent and the description amazes me. I can picture almost every line in my mind as I read it. it is well written.
Excellent job. I am sure so many can relate to this poem and it will touch them like it did me.
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excellent write, it has a great flow and its very true. it's sad that in our world these things are minor problems even when we notice them as very large yet we dont do anything about it.
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Great!
True. So very true, and it really hits home to the readers who know someone who is this way, or are one of the people you are writing about. The writing style was very well done, it was refreshing to read something worthwhile...as all this time I haven't been on AP and commenting other people's poems. There is an extremely sad ring to the truth in your poem, I cannot stress it enough. Families were put on earth for a reason I believe, there is purpose to them after all, but people of the world have seem to forgetten that, or haven't noticed yet, as you have said in your writing. Ah! Great poem, just amazing.
-BxBxBx
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A very sad poem of a loss of innocence, childhood, naivety, all that. The repetition, or should I say, the use of a well-known childhood song was very effective and left me feeling quite insecure about this world, about starting my own family in the future because I don't want this happening. A very good write indeed, well done.
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Wow, this is really good and true..and also very sad. I think the repeating on the one line worked very well in this. Amazing piece and keep up the good work. ~~
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really good and, unfortunately, true. you put the blame right where it belongs... on the falling family
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WooT WooT!!!!! GO GURL GO GURL.......
Well this is great...... amazing what you can do when your not swinging in trees, and holding your bladder from laughing.... I am impressed...... not only by shoe sizes....
stand up stand proud this is excellent........ *allpoetry $$$ ha ha ha....
Tracey
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I like the repetition/refrain of the poem. It took me until the second one to realize it was supposed to be "Londion Bridges", but it was incorporated really well. Also, that picture kinda caught my attention for a while, but, to me, it helps represent how lost some people, especially younger people are in this world. I wish you the best of luck.
-Philly F. -
A good effect of London Bridges to reveal a truth beyond innocent eyes.The effects of drugs and all other drastic drug and alcohol effect taking a toll on our young.The true expression of one setting this out for all to see
Blessings
Sis -
i like the rhythm london bridges falling down, falling down-makes it seem innocent and sad ♥ i like this! thanx for entering & good luck!
PrettyX -
great write
I could almost hear the music to this wonderful write
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Frist congratulatoins on your award with this write,
and phew I must say, you had my feelings and thoughts whriling within this write, so sad, so much of reality,
sigh we can only wish that it is never to late to turn it around, but some are already way too lost, sigh,
This was an in your face write, kinda like a wake up world!
Well done and thanks for sharing,
WArm thoughts
Frozentearz
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Too many rats in the cage...
Plenty of people are watching - not unlike a typical apartment building on fire... We spend much time dispersing the smoke, but disregard the flames.
We are agog about all the mysterious cancers popping up all over the show, but continue to pour toxins into the environment... we throw up our hands at the disintergration of our youth, but continue to chase the mighty buck at their expense...
Nature has an amazing way of cleansing and purging, with time on her side.
A provoking quilling...
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gawjuss!!! great job thanks for entering.
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So True
it is a shame the decline of society. Bring back the days of "Leave it to Beaver"-good write!
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Such a powerful, dark, demanding write that takes one through the journey of this societies woes as they grow and die too young and too wild. The songlike quality of the "London Bridges" refrain just add a totally mesmerizing and haunting quality that just keeps the reader enthralled and waiting to see what comes next. The final line wraps it up and says alot for the problems that families face and cannot overcome.
Very well done and all my best wishes to you in the contest.
Love, Mouser
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speechless
this write was awesome...i love it cause you didn't exactly follow directions almost, which was random...it had a point and a message and you got that acros..i loved this write a lot...and the way its written is really pretty...awesome!
-Jake
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Powerful verse!
I have seen many destruct over drugs, as we all have. What a great message, families need to be the focus, to step up.
Very well written and good luck in this contest.
Michelle
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amazing!
beautifully written!! the imagery is awesome and the flow is great. thank you for sharing this with us. ive often thought of this same thang and its good to know im not the only one who sees it. well done! -Sable-
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Very to the point
Innocents traded,
for ecstasy kisses and cocaine,
dark circles and size 3's
so pretty a disease,
candy cost for her escape,
blank stare in her eye,
as she ask for more.
Tis too true now seen it hapen so many times it is not even funny. You made your point very well and nice verse to repeat.
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Excellent
Your point is sadely clear
Sometimes I think we have given our kids so much,
we may have over indulged them, in all but love.
We need to raise mountain climbers, not men and women
that reach for drugs at the sligest rise in the road.
Just my thinking of corse
Your words are very well said
Rick
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It's heart breaking but very realistic
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Very WEll Done
He's now standing on the corner,
wild look in his eyes,
waiting for his meth surprise
nervously looking for his dealer,
now the love of his dreams,
could cost him his life,
which doesn't even matter.
This made me so very sad at your words. When some try so hard to live with illness that will take their lives. Those who want to die are here. Those who want to live will not. You have done a great job with this write. Told the truth. The repeating some may not like> I think it brought out your points so very well -
This poem is unlike any other that I have read. It carries a tone that reminds me of 'ring around the rosie' or 'London Bridge is Falling Down ' which has a playful tone - but has a deeper and darker meaning. Truly fitting for the contest. Well done my friend. F Good luck in the contest.
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Wow my friend what a powerful write! You have sure hit the nail on the head with this write! It also packs a punch when you repeat that verse after each stanza. Wonderful write.Good luck!
Gaylene
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