Hollow rooms, Hollow hearts
Hollow minds, Empty Thoughts
I thought you could fill this part in me
But As the tree the wind can sway your heart
Dates on a full moon
On the sun still the darkness
Of your heart looms
Wearing out my shoes on
The roads of this land
I've seen the dark
May I hold your hand
Empty Visions, Wraped in Empty lies
Sing sad stories make me cry
Shallow rivers, Shallow hearts
Crossing the bridge
Your heart beats
Know I'll never leave
Dates on a full moon
On the sun still the darkness
Of your heart looms
Wearing out my shoes on
The roads of this land
I've seen the dark
May I hold your hand
A contest entry
- Anything (within reason) Goes by Larue.
335 points, ended April 19, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Write me something? by Bryan-CarnelianHope.
475 points, ended April 21, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Good luck in the contests. I didn't think this was bad. A bit hard to understand, maybe, but poems thatmake one think are good.
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Sorry it is hard to get
the word hollow implies that there is a space that needs to be filled hearts should be filled with love or maybe angnst and hate your mind should be filled with knowledge to help the world to to hurt it whatever
and what is a room without a chair and television but thoughts can be empty and have no meaning and usally do but this is just about filling your life with as you can and hopefully finding someone worth your time mind and heart or it could be about cheese whatever you want -
this poem is confusing. at least to me. i dont really now what to say on improvements. mabey use a different word than hollow or clearify it a bit. the flow needs work. i dont think i saw any spelling and grammer mistakes. good job otherwords..
jess
PS- if you want to continue in anything goes might wanna fix it. she isnt very patient i see lol sorry sissa
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Your poem is no longer being considered as a winner for the contest Anything (within reason) Goes, due to your failure to follow all rules. If the problem is corrected, it will be reconsidered.
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COOL
Hey I really like this. I like that creepy feeling it gives you after reading it. Excellent job and best of luck! ^____^
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Yeah
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Hmm... this poem is hard to figure out. The flow was a bit off to me. I also don't see your author comments, although that may not be your fault. The spelling and grammar could use a bit of touching up as well. It sounds like a wonderful start, but it's a bit skeletal for a poem. If you correct it, I'll give you another shot.
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