I sang a song and sat it not on a bench
but stood this to expand the music through my ribs
like going for a walk only holed in an orchard!
Permutations soprano
alto at least all opting.
Lumber is among the promenade,
no clangorous drive of the birds though :
I swung my hands with shawl on
like sound waves to ripple
and my breast was ready at the word baby
gong is the connotation
but I don't pull on heartstrings only health hopes
communicating everything
a physical pleasure
as I integrate a twist from a a guitar!
oh, the ropes
And my hand won't ever just be pregnant to write
anymore I wonder
LMNOP, my fingers grab the pen
laptop paper stories are bounced
Author notes
April update : please don't use APplause, the symbol bothers me. Thank you.
My daughter saw I came out of Plain background for this one... and said, 'hello, PetrifiedAfforded.'
Is there the teeth of quit on it or flow?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I don't think there is anyone on allpoetry who writes at all like you. You have a very distinct style and unique way of forming words that sometimes I cannot understand...
and my breast was ready at the word baby... but I totally know what you mean by this one, hehe! -
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fun is not just by uno with us
ardentMarch (not just coming around so I can play with your name some more>>>),
what a compliment, my smile is on a trampline of thanks... not wanting to leap over delicate wishes for others to glow with the spring in my communication. And I'm charged you exercised your laughter from a line of mine! Cardiovascular writing... and my husband thinks I've become somewhat sedentary due to other scares ha --
1:54 my face feels different!
~Carolyn
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lol at playing with my name, you're welcome
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Well, another well written piece, though here go my comments again:
The opening verse is great. There's musicality and promise. However, I don't know if it's necessary to repeat "through" in the second and third lines. I can't see the benefit of this particular repetition.
The second, longer stanza begins with two excellent alliterations and moves the poem away from the lyricism of the beginning towards what I see as more inner, personal, even physiological thoughts. Stopping with the word wonder leaves the poem open and we wonder what comes next.
I think it's very good the way it is but I prsume you could have the choice of adding a couple of lines to round it off. Or maybe it's just myself, wanting everything to be neatly tied up when life, or poetry, ain't exactly that.
By the way, I'll add you to my favourites. -
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welcome on your second round
Andy Miles (helper, hola),
Thanks so much for critiquing according to what you sensed gave momentum or importance. I thoroughly appreciate you catching the reducdancy of "through" and I quickly complied with myself in usual cringe at same word appearance as such. I slipped but you picked that up...
I agree an uncomfortable toner so to speak was applied with my feelings. They were not in firmable effect of "adding a couple of lines to round it off" so I tried some, but I might be out of the intensity. Never is not my attitude about this though --
I'm going outside for emergent rhthms, not just my thinking. I always wonder if I should author note that confluence or contrast that structures. Thanks for keeping an eye for your own reasons.
I'll be glad to look at your collection of work once again for my reserving clicks with.
3:20 sunshine in the corner of a window leaving a parallegram image on the wall and I push swing the door for a prism per se!
~Carolyn
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love your words, this is beautiful. the title drew me in.
"I swung my hands with shawl on
like sound waves to ripple"
lots of awesome imagery in this one~ -
wow.. this is good... i mean.. reeeeeeally good.. its moe than good.. its fantastic!!
i hope to read more from ur works soon
. Rewarded 4
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swively .. .. .. ..then settled, a little, lol
Daiis (I don't know if I quote or if it's to be like quoit),
I see the compliment in many ways, and I thank you especially for "reeeeeeally good" as it reminds of psychological reassurance I've seen elsewhere where such necessity had to be made known even. Yet, I don't know the phrase or sacked concept that inspired it. author's notes did not get in attention during run to comment maybe because icon applause was asked to be skipped, but I thank you for entailing a reasonable build up emotion that reflected the poem actually as though you just jumped over requests for enthusiasm versions, haha!
I'm running very late on pointing myself strictly to another priority but I might at least bookmark one of yours for another time of fresher mind.
~Carolyn
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