I see the color red
in my eyes as you flirt and flaunt
what I dont have and what I want
I see red when your blood spills on the
tile floor as it fills in the cracks
and spreads
to create a red halo around your head
I didnt think I hit you that hard
it was just a metal baseball bat
I didnt expect it to be easy
but I guess it was
and its over all the torment you put me through
now all I can see
is a red film over my eyes
as I fall to the floor the world
goes dark and it ends once more
Author notes
i read the rules
A contest entry
- OPTIONS CONTEST!!!!!!..................... For Everyone by Heavens Child.
500 points, ended March 4, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pain, Without Love. by La Tua Cantante.
425 points, ended April 13, 2007, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - *~-* The Passion of Red *-~* by Dragonsblood.
450 points, ended April 18, 2007, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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dark and bloody, haunting and without punctuation. as I fall to the floor the world
this line specifically I reread and it still bugs me and I can concentrate on your story overall. Sorry. -
This is a veru dark poem. And very interesting. Nicely written. My favorite part is;
"as I fall to the floor the world
goes dark and it ends once more"
Good luck in my contest,
-La Tua.
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This is dark and deep. The imagery is well done, and I like your twist on the colour red. Very unique. Good luck and thanx for the entry in my contest.
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woah...this was definitely interesting! different too. at first i was like, what in the world? but then it kind of jumped out and surprised me with the metal baseball bat. i enjoyed this one! it was quite intriguing!
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Nice write
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thank you. its short but i liked it.
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