the sky is black today
a cocky graffiti artist is spray painting lies on the blank canvas
I remembered you were sitting here;
alone
but happy
the bridge is covered in lyrics
once touched by a depressed hand
given how many strokes it gave
it sure knew of no pleasure
music is a sacred heaven
and heaven is falling
blood wasn't meant for real life
guts are clenched to focus on pain ungiven
as if we could have known he would go this way...
my feeling is torn
rippling like a stone
wrinkling crow feet grow no more
because not a soul has smiled in years
at least,
not here.
flannel was a statement of awareness
society was a downpour of disappointment
time and time again
it was here we grew into our shirts
realization never came so clearly
our form of an angel came in black and white
slivered tongue and a guitar strap that broke nightly
when the sky was navy still...
he awoke to remember
hurt was sewn directly onto his organs
strung them together nicely
there was no escape;
no treatment therapy help in hell could save
this superhero angel of sadness
crying in the shadows
I am dead. sure about it
graffiti spills over the sky
teardrop form
it was not about society; it never was
it was about freedom
he would have wanted to say
even in death
I am sure he is still waiting for happiness
his hand curled gripping his stomach
coughing up suffering
still dressed for the pit
where teenagers flew overhead spinning
singing
living and dying by every word he ever wrote
and he could stand in a crowd today
shaven clean
and not a soul
would notice him
I look to the old street where you lived and remember you sitting there;
alone
but happy
Author notes
Option #9. This is what I got when I saw the photo. I, obviously, thought of Kurt. I may edit.
Songs listened to as I wrote this: "3 Libras" - A Perfect Circle and "November Rain" - Guns N Roses
A contest entry
- Options & Reasons & Excuses by Naridill.
1400 points, ended April 10, 2007, 21 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Beautifully done, well inspired. i love this piece, the words fit so well and the poem itself is a touching yet sad piece!!!
Thanks for entering and goodluck!!!
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I love this piece Laura...I could be a bit too attatched to the idea of it being about Kurt...He is after all my hero LoL.
This is perfect;
"even in death
I am sure he is still waiting for happiness
his hand curled gripping his stomach
coughing up suffering
still dressed for the pit
where teenagers flew overhead spinning
singing
living and dying by every word he ever wrote"
This totally screams Kurt...Yeah I love it LoL.
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absolutely
beautiful
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First of all, great beginning. For some reason, I'm really drawn to those simple statement kind of lines, such as the first one. Probably cause you always seem to follow them up with something that goes a little deeper, and better extends the idea.
Second of all, tons of great images. Probably a little too many for me to even begin to list out. And my mind is taking the images from this, and creating its own, which is making me feel somewhat creative...
"and he could stand in a crowd today
shaven clean
and not a soul
would notice him"
And that part brings in the sad feel to it, especially considering the situation. Too bad I was only 2 when he died. I hadn't even heard the name... I guess it kinda shows how great he was though, that even after death there are still people getting into the music... I'm rambling... Ah well.
<3
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this was gorgeeous. i don't think i ever would've been able to do an option like that. lol. but you did it so well. the depression, the pain. and the escape. it was so beautiful. i loved the imagery in this. heaven is falling. that was so pretty. it makes me think about how many people are dying. and that there's hardly any room. but it could mean other things too i guess. like,everything good that we knoe has lost hope. hmm. i'm just shooting out interpretations out of nowhere. lol. i liked the title too. i've wanted to read this for a while. and finally got the time to. the title is what captured me so much to finally do so. loveeely write.
*autumn*
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it was here we grew into our shirts
powerful image for such simple words
with this line, graffiti spills over the sky
teardrop form
I felt it would sound better if it was 'Graffiti teardrops spill over the sky'
not sure what you think?
his hand curled gripping his stomach
coughing up suffering
still dressed for the pit
where teenagers flew overhead spinning
singing
living and dying by every word he ever wrote
hasnt read the notes until this and i was like...this must be kurt his stories so sad and you really grip the pain he was in in this stanza,
great job hun
xxxx
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I really like the theme, it feels truly heartfelt. I'm not too into Nirvana but I know he meant an extreme lot to some people and I have to admire anyone with that kind of hold over people.
I think you truly did capture the appearance of the picture, without it becoming obvious, or tacky. I saw this contest option and I said to myself "I'd like to see someone pull that off" And lo!
The consistent idea of graffiti lyrics is very nice. It adds a good visual to the poem.
I especially like everything after the "even in death" line. It starts summing up the piece wonderfully. The repetition of "alone, but happy" at the beginning and the end is perfect.
The title gives a flawless introduction to the poem; it captures the poem's essence [What?] well.
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I love this. Each description is so detailed, each word adds so much to your poem. The length seems just right, and the repeated grafitti references are extremely effective.
DancingRed.
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