erasing you

i don't hate you.
i hate that you're a part of me,
that i can't erase you
without erasing part of myself.
i hate that you changed me.
i hate that my memories of you
are intertwined with my memories
of my friends,
of myself.
we've lived through so many tragedies,
laughed through so many jokes
that no one else could understand;
but in the end,
i was the one crying
over you.
and i can't do that anymore.
i can't let anyone
have that kind of power over me.
we've been through so much,
and two words was all it took
for you to erase me
from your life?
all i can say is:
i trusted you.
i would have trusted you
with my life.
and i wish i could hate you,
but there's a part of me
that still belongs to you.
and i hate that part of me,
that part
that keeps glancing at you
even when i want to look away and forget,
forget,
that part of me that keeps hoping
maybe not all of our friendship
was a lie.
i want to forget.
i want to erase you.
i wish i'd never met you,
no,
i wish you'd never existed.
nothing
is worth
the pain
that you caused me.
(that you're still causing me.)
nothing.
but even i
can't deny
that it happened.
in spite of everything you did to me,
i don't hate you.
in spite of the fact
that you're the only thing still holding me back.