Someday

As I scrounge through my thoughts,
I do not find my feelings.
No, I find many.
They start at several beginnings.
What do I want?
Why isn’t this clear?
My emotions are blurred.
Do I still want you near?
I don’t want a friendship.
Or maybe I do.
But alone that’d be torture.
Could it start something new?
But I cannot hope that.
It would cause so much pain.
To think I might hold you
And have my expectations be slain.
Do you really not want me?
These words I can’t believe.
But what will convince me
If not the fact that you’d leave?
Am I just stupid
Or do I know something more?
Are you hiding your pain
Or is this the life you've longed for?
Maybe I’m naïve
But I’d still walk to your side.
Of course I’d wait years.
I’m here for the ride.
You say you’re not worth much.
At times I’d agree.
But all these feelings I’m flooded with,
I don’t know if you see.
I’ve a longing to hold you,
And hopes for someday.
How I’d love for you to love me.
I miss you in such a strong way.
I know what we’ve been.
I know not what we are.
I cannot accept
That we’ll only travel this far.
The world tells me move on,
But my heart disagrees.
It says just wait this out,
That there’ll be a chance I can seize.
You don’t want me to,
But I know you well.
Your actions can scream,
But they’re words just don’t sell.
I know what you want.
You’ve told me before.
You can say it was lies.
But those words I’ll ignore.
And I will be called stupid
For these actions I take.
But I know who you are
And I know when you’re fake.
Don’t think you can fool me
With your pretend happy face.
You’ve told me you’re hurting.
Such words aren’t easy to replace.
I feel you’ll be back to me.
My longing I’ll receive.
Mucho always means always.
Boy, someday you’ll believe.