A smirk itches it's way up
Onto my face
As I turn her to the left
Just a tad
And ever so cunningly...
If I do say so myself
In order to get
A good view
I lower my head slightly
And gently remove the stream
Of auburn onto her right shoulder
In order to make visibility clear
As I place a trail of falsities
Along the valley of her neck
Just true enough...
For her to believe
My eyes fixated
On the corner of a jewelry store
Across the street
She moans
...Of course she does
I'm breathing death
Onto her neck...
And she likes it
Evolution
Has it's way with my face
And now a smile beams
Devilishly bright
I lift my head
Eyes still watching that corner
And slid my hand down
The length of her back
Painfully
Slow
Then with a jolt of energy
Jerk her closer...
Just for theatrics' sake
She gasps
...Of course she does
She's swept up
In my fallacious passion
My right hand reaches up
Grabs the nape of her neck
And yanks her head to the left
She sighs
...Of course she does
She's mesmerised
By my faultless pretense
I take a moment
To inhale sweet satisfaction
As I look over the street
At your soggy face
Drenched in tears
Must be harrowing
To watch my betrayal
Must be like...
Watching me hammer
Rusted daggers
Deep into your heart
An already splintered thing
Pathetic...
Broken
Go ahead...
Fall to your knees
Go ahead and cry
I know it must feel like
Those deep breaths
Will be your last
I know...
Yes, I know
A chuckle creeps out my throat
And I go in for the kill
Giving Miss Brunette
The deepest
Hardest
Most fervent kiss
I have ever given
Vengeance is absolutely...
Delightful.
Author notes
Image found @ deviantART.com
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/23384999/?qo=65&q=splintered&qh=boost%3Apopular+age_sigma%3A24h+age_scale%3A5
A contest entry
- ~Splintered~ by -Ink Artist-.
525 points, ended April 14, 2007, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~~~PREWRITE CONTEST~~~ by phoenixonfire.
300 points, ended August 3, 2007, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Prewrites From December 2007 by amaranthine lover.
800 points, ended January 11, 2008, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Largest Contest On AP!!!! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
3000 points, ended August 26, 2008, 1706 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 40 of 40
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Wow, this is an amazing write. As a poet you did such a perfect job of making us feel and see everything you said. This is excellent, congrats on your gold win with it.
♥
whisper
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Delightfully Wicked
Shivers...that smirk, that tone simply sent shivers down my spine. The phrase that comes to mind is "sinfully delicious". Even so, I could also feel those rusty daggers twisting into my heart, even as my body reacted from the seductive "trail of lies" that you kissed down the brunette's throat. *shivers one last time* Sensual in a way that we hope to only encounter from a distance.
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Hm. Sweet revenge, or just the beginning of a monstrous making love to a mortal? Hm. Could be either or. This one was a bit longer, an I liked it that way. It's harder for me to give comments on short poems.
You could hjave at least broken this up a bit instead one big long-ass stanza! Sorry. Pet peev.
There were a few words I didn't understand, but that's not your fault. I had trouble with Vocabulary in english classes and I'll openly admit that. So...the dictionary has become one of my best friends (Just like the microwave 
)
Great write. Dark, Creepy && i loooooooooove it.
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Yeah...long ass stanzas are sort of a habit. I just...hate to break my words appart
lol But I do try...if that makes a difference.
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No cry! But yes. It does make a difference. 
Sorta. Maybe. 
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Wowzers!!! A tale of sweet revenge.. a dark write.. using someone to hurt another.. ahhhh beautifully written!!
LOVED it!!!!
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A different and interesting write. I like how you went about it, just kinda unexpected for me, but thanks for entering it was much appreciated.
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litterally taken my breath away? I'ma girl of many words, and good sir, i have none. sure sure, i could say the classic "amaizng" "aweosme" "the next robert frost/edger allan poe" but goodness that doesn't seem to carry it far enough does it.
i guess i could say what I liked, but hey how do i say the whole poem, without saything "the whole poem"
I loved the shortness of the nices, each one kinda stabbing the point across.
i loved loved loved the little "of course she did" I can see thiis guy smirking and oh wow gosh
like i said no words? how bout just some claps?
with love and giggles, the whtie rabbit
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A VERY GOOD POEM. I LIKE IT VERY MUCH. SORRY I WASN'T ON EARLIER. GOOD JOB ON THE POEMS.
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OOOO man, you are, as I said before, a fantastic writer. I am enjoying your write. I loved how this became a story and had a twist at the end. I also loved the imagry here. I liked "As I place a trail of falsities
Along the valley of her neck " that was great. -
Oh my damn, what a poem!!! It took a minute before I realized where you were going with this. But when it hit me, I seriously went "Wow!" outloud! Total shock at the end of this one, but I love the revenge factor here. There's so much...resentment, and payback here!
"And I go in for the kill
Giving Miss Brunette
The deepest
Hardest
Most fervent kiss
I have ever given
Vengeance is absolutely...
Delightful"
This was my absolute favorite part!!! Very nice write! I'm impressed!
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WOW!
that was a really good write. i like how you used alot of meaningful words in it. it made the poem more imaginative in my mind....well. greeat write and keep it up!
♥ brittany
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Out of all things I have read about revenge. .
I must say that this is, by far, the most exquisites piece of art I have read.
Let it be from you or anyone else.
It is amazing.
I love how captivating it was and the flow of how delicious the story is.
It makes me want to be there.
Hiding in some deep shadows and watching it all unfold.
Amazing and beautiful write.
~Maya
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Very intelligent write...
I admire this piece for its imagery and texture of words. It takes a lot of imagination and meditation to write a good poem, and I believe you have accomplished that.
My emotional response is very empathetic. With each line, my emotions tune into what you are saying... which is good.
You wanted my honest opinion, and there you have it... I really prefer not to give criticism, because I would feel like a hypocrite. I am also a poet, just like you, and would not want my work to be criticized.
Keep up the writes!
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AMAZING isnt the word for it! Awesome..i just loved it!! Completely....each and every word image feeling..is stunning...splendid!!...pri
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This was written very tastefully, and beautifully.
You pulled it off very well, and I really liked it.
Great WRite**
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Very,very nicely done. the way you describe everything in an objective view for example i thought this was brilliant " Along the valley of her neck "
Brilliant absolutly fabulously written I loved it, It actually reminded me of a vampire killing his/her prey.
I liked it so much that i think I shall read it one more time.
all the best
Nightmare xx
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ooooh, this very naughty. just what you think you are about, undressing girls and such. well done! keep up the good fight, all is fair in love and war!
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Omg! this one is written so beautifully and the words the vocabulary is so decent and attractive. I love the choice of words and the amazing flow which makes it more pleasant to read. I just love the imagery and the emotions mingled with it..
Its a perfect one and beautifully written.
I love this one, great job!!!
I hope u like mine too, take a look..
thanks, God bless
love,
Mansoor -
Wow this is incredible. THe pain and anguish you feel is definitely described and felt by all readers who read this poem. Nicely done with adding emotion into your poetry!
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YARG!!! I'm still breathless from reading! I loved it! I feel your pain my friend! I'm glad you took out ur feelings this way, in a safe manner! I've been hurt, cut to the bone in fact, and I was so caught up in the emotions!
It bordered on the fringes of erotica! I was gasping right along, all the way through! I'll look for more of your writing with breathless anticipation! Galkimba -
Ooh I liked this a lot. I must differ with a previous comment - I didn't find it confusing. It was tantilising, teasing and ultimately satisfying! Great job. STephy x
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wow
this poem is pretty confusing but i LOVE it!!!! well done! -
whew .. this was dark and cold but in the same breath slightly erotic. What an incredible write!
A chuckle creeps out my throat
And I go in for the kill
Giving Miss Brunette
The deepest
Hardest
Most fervent kiss
I have ever given
Vengeance is absolutely...
Delightful.
yeah this was bloody brilliant
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......*stutters* wow....thats just....im speechless. i love the way you express yourself..i wish you could help me out again, i need a few pointers on topics but yea...2 thumbs up i love it!
~*"Kiddo"*~
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HA thats so kickass!!!!!!!!!!! vengence is beautiful. I enjoyed this so much, its just incredible.
"She gasps
...Of course she does
She's swept up
In my fallacious passion"
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Evocative and emotive work. Interesting structure to your thoughts. Your line breaks are perfect and add impact as reading. You've creatively crafted poetic revenge in a way that entrances. Fabulous piece! Thanks for your entry!
~Lori
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You certainly know how to get your emotions out...and bring them out in others. This was written from a perspective of an iced heart. Intense isn't a strong enough word. A chill is in the air with this tremendous write.
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wow this is quite, erm cunning! i like it
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wonderfully dark write! ^-^ woderful use and placement of words, as always! i wish you luck in the contest!
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wow, your writings always seem to have such a turn in the middle. I never quite know what to expect from you. You always keep me guessing.
Revenge...somtimes I'd like to get mine, but I don't think I have the heart for it. Mostly I just want questions answered...I have so many.
Wonderful job on this interesting story.
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this one hurt. it hurt ugly. it was strong. it was cold-hearted, cynical... so callous. I swear, I think I stopped breathing for a second... maybe two... I suppose parts of it are just too close. Way too close.
But far away.
I loved it as a poem - well written, well felt... great shock value....
Howver... ahhh it was terribly cold. I need a jacket. and the heater. and hot chocolate. and a box of tissues.
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Im sorry. This is one I didnt want you to read. Especially given what you're going through right now. It's meant to be cold. It's meant to hurt.
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don't be sorry. it was a good piece.
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Breathtaking- as always
Gaaaa.. can I be the brunette, please? haaha
Damn, you are always blowing me out of the water with these writes!
Just as long as I would never be the other woman, I'de be find with that.
I look forward to your next write (as always!)
Burmina
(PS- when is my OWN special write comming?)
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Vengence of any sort only leads to more pain. Although in love and war its a continuios game we paly. Back and forth who can hurt the other the most. Great poem. ~Sie
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oh wow...I pray that I am never the recipient of such anger...or the victim of someone who is playing with my heart to destroy the heart of someone else...I feel your pain, and thought I don't like the way you go about your vengence, I sympathize...plus I kinda envy the brunette, you presented a very nice pretense...ugh, that was all confused...what I was trying to say is this is very nicely written
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This is really mean.
I clicked on the picture that you wrote off of for inspiration and I was surprised that you read it that way. I guess you must have really been through a bad experience to harbor such feelings inside. I guess we all have to get it out and you did do a good job of expressing it.
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I am pretty upset. I guess the way you see things changes upon your feelings and mood at the time that you see them. Anyway thanks for the comment
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I'm sorry to hear that those feelings are real and current. Please take a
from me. Love and relationships are always difficult even in the best situations. I'm sorry that the girl you know, doesn't respect your feelings. Still though, this kind of stuff only makes it worse and doesn't do your own heart any good, but can sometimes do as much harm to you in the long run as you did to her. Be careful with what you become. You seem like you have a good heart and you should protect that carefully. You do have a great gift with words though.
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