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Let it end

I know something my sister does not
While she sits there thinking he’s hot
When she calls him she’ll probably cry
And I’ll be there wishing he died
She hangs up the phone and starts to get mad
Wishing in my mind that she would be glad
She tries to walk but can’t so she crawls
She tried to smile but starts t bawl
Thinking its he fault instead of his own

I try to comfort her but she backs off
Telling me in hell that I can rot
For not telling her ahead of time
FO what he did was just like a crime
If she opened her eyes she could have seen
Just how they weren’t meant to be
He was handsome but also cruel
And how he always made her a fool
But she would never open her eyes
For what she always felt inside
Something missing, something lost
Something that upheld a cost
For this, she thought, was true love
Something she made pretend of

As I sit here I can also see
Just what she expected of me
She expected me to be her twin
She expected me to see within
Why she was always up at night
Why she never put up a fight
Why she never told me before
Why she never shown him the door

Now she is in the room and I want to cry out
Just so she can hear me shout
“I love you, I love you with all my heart.
I never meant for us to part.”
How could I have been so blind?
Keeping her in the back of my mind
In never wanted her depressed
Always thinking it was for the best
I should have been there I should have done something
Now all I can do is sit here and do nothing

Now I see the gun and I see her hand
But the picture I see it cannot blend
She’s pulling the trigger and I say don’t
She turns around and says I won’t
I start to smile and reach for the gun
She turns around and says it’s done
I can see the gun as it falls from her hand
And I can also see where it lands
But I never heard a gun shot
I can only see the blood as it drops
From her wrists onto the floor
I only wish I could have done more

Now I look back at why she did it
And wonder why she couldn’t admit it
To me, her twin her only sister
I should have been there I should have cried with her
I swore to my self it wouldn’t begin
Yet here we are it’s happening again

How could have I been so stupid how could I have been so dumb
Now my only choice is to grab for that gun
That my sister pretend to use just moments ago
Not able to bear to see her go

Now we lay here hand in hand
And wondering how it could end
So horribly wrong, so horribly good
What made us think we could?
We could get away we could get back
Into that world which was once intact

A crime to us a crime to them
Now all we can do is let it end

-Shanade Gorney

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 21 of 21

  • XXMetalHeadNoni13Xx
    April 25, 2008
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    sorry, i forgot to clap for you

  • XXMetalHeadNoni13Xx
    April 25, 2008
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    I know how you must have felt, and it hurts. Some guys can look great, but turn into or already are complete assholes. I thought this poem with a story in it was amazing. We all wish we had done something. I love how you made it a poem with a story within. Please keep writing. Im loving your work.


  • Violent Glass
    January 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is truly amazing
    i guess alot of us wish we had done more
    should have said something
    should have noticed
    but in the end there was really no way you could have known


  • Jiyo
    July 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    a lot of guys that are good looking turn out to be complete ass holes, after years of not being turned down they slowly get high on themselves and soon they think everyone is below them...you capture that thought in this poem well, good piece


  • okadadokie
    July 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I really like this poem. It filled me with so much saddness. Thanks for the write. Luck be to you.

    ~Oka/KC


  • AshesFromFire
    June 24, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I'll leave a comment when you put what I asked for in the authors box!


  • Hebz
    June 16, 2007

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    WOW!!

    A Story within the poem!!Excellent write, great flow to it, & very sad emotions expressed as well...

    Thanks for entering my contest & Best of luck

    GloriousGift
    Heba


  • On Frail Wings.
    June 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    oh wow this is a very intense poem. i really like this one and thank you so much for letting me have the pleasure to read it. thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.


  • broken-colours
    June 14, 2007

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    Wow. This is incredibly dark and heart-breaking. I sincerely hope that this isn't a true story! This was very well-written and the rhyming didn't seem forced. thanks for entering & good luck

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    June 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very nice write. It is so sad, it is hard to comfort someone when they are hurting. Thank you for adding your poem to the contes best of luck to you.


  • Harrisham Minhas
    June 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    please mention your username

  • Raven Judge
    June 6, 2007

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    Story poetry is among my favorite sort. The tale you tell here was probably better suited for the angst category, but you might feel that entering it there demeans it somehow. Either way, I have no issue with your placement of it in general.

    In fact, I can't take issue with this piece in too many ways. You've set out to tell a tale (and ask a question) and you have utilized a specific poetic form to do so. The only real critique I have goes to message and is in two parts:

    1) Did your sister actually kill herself, or did she just want to do so? (If this piece isn't real [meaning fiction rather than non] then consider answering the question from the standpoint of the character.) That the reader is left wondering on this issue is to the detriment of the poem.

    2) The summation of the poem exists entirely in the last two lines, which are also the best lines in the effort. I would consider removing some of the filler throughout the piece and instead focusing on how life has changed (into death, if necessary) due to the effects of love gone wrong.

    Thank you for your entry.

    ~Das


  • PunkxRockxPrincess2
    May 24, 2007
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  • PunkxRockxPrincess2
    May 24, 2007
    Edit | Reply

  • PunkxRockxPrincess2
    May 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Fantastic

    I LOVE THIS EXSPECIALY THE ENDING IT IS SO MOVING UR SUCH A TALETED WRITTER KEEP IT UP ~MUAH!~ *HUG*
    *LOVE* *KISS* *ROSE*


  • BornWithAPen
    May 1, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Damn this is good

    I read this all the way to the end, and i'm really not a reader, so you hooked me there, and my favourite part is how you describe the moment in time that the shooting occurs, it played in my head like a movie, you are very very talented, and i thoroughly enjoyed this.
    Michael

  • DeeJ
    April 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    awwww

    i really like this... i like the ending!!... its v. nice
    excellent write
    well done
    keep writing.. stay safe
    xx


  • Poetic-Goddess
    April 19, 2007

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    Awww this is so sad,I use to do this when I was younger too,but Never over a guy!!! Just keep reminding her your young guys come and go,And one she'll find the one whos perfect for her!!! Great write!!!


  • amandapoet15
    April 9, 2007
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    wow this is very sad. i'm sorry this girl had to go through this. i tried to commit suicide last year, and this opens up my eyes a little more. i realize now how much my family and friends care about me. they do love me, even though they don't say and show it everyday. good job!!!keep up the good work.


    • Tragyk
      April 11, 2007
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      thanx for the comment it is very awsome that u like my poem and i feel god that some one likes it

      shanade

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