i.
Consenting ages
skewed by vivid blue sirens
heels pointed to pavements
raised again with the next
labourous step.
more of the job strung tight
like a violin
blissful melodies long forgotten
With the absense of youth.
ii.
no scents align in that
small room - cosy
at best dingy at worst
wound tight around a stranger's
sunday best
scents hold tight
become lost in one odour
A fortitude of sin.
iii.
The journey back
busy streets pass below
tired feet clasped in daggers
the epitome
of a negative childhood fantasy
follows rivers of tarmac
to the next vehicle of
aberration.
iv.
Once home
peeled off the daggers
washed the nights work
from the backs of
working girls
lay down once again
stared ceilings down into
submission.
left hauntingly complacent
But alone.
Author notes
[Stage fright blinded my eyes] & the OPTION 2F
A contest entry
- Taste the [c h a o s] in her mouth, dolly♥ by LucyLightning.
600 points, ended July 21, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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why hookers?
i like that it goes through the shift- i adore segments. but there is a certain vacancy to this. experience via some HBO special or a brief article in a magazine. -
Consequently I feel the nature of your tale does not adequately describe your feeling. If we are, as I have concluded, speaking of the Red Light District and the women who work there? Your word choice is rather dramatic, effectively put, but rather..ineffective at conveying the sense of sadness and sobriety. Such as "daggers", would it not be better to say "steely knives"? But rather there are few mistakes in between these incandescent lines of sorrow.
Bravo
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I liked the way you set it up. I really enjoyed #iv.
Great job on this. =]]
Good luck in the contest! -
I'm sorry but this write is more than 15 lines. I have to withdraw it from the contest. I am sorry, but this is stated in the rules. Thank you for taking part and hopefully see you in December with the 2008 best poet!
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This poem has 35 lines and the maximum for this contest is 15. Perhaps you should consider submitting another poem. It is well written but does not conform to our rules.
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