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Lost Cause

With all these demons and flaws
I'm nothing but a lost cause.
Restless insomniac nights
shadows climbing holds me tight.
Sleeping on concretes' pillow
the moon creeps by my window.
Tears and blankets burning
missing heart but still have a yearning.
I'm decaying like a bouquet of flowers
when all I have are hours.
Sensations of life cripples before me
and I admire the last petal standing.


A contest entry

It's a work in progress but had to share. What do you think?

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Hope Angel silver member
    December 21, 2007

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    I like the imagary you create and the sense of desperation. Great write, keep writing, and good luck in my contest!


  • CrystalJet
    December 1, 2007

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    I like this poem. It's good so far, although I think the flow in lines 3 and 4 are just a little off. Other than that I like it. The rhyming scheme you have is simple, but still sounds good.

  • Tempa Lee
    October 14, 2007
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    for something that you haven't finished it sure is good. i won't lie i like it. please let me know what family member you want to be. and let me know the title of the poem you entered in the contest when you msg me back.

    EXAMPLE: Lost Cause (brother, sister, mom, dad, aunt, uncle, cousin)


    ~Dani~


  • Laura
    April 28, 2007
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    ohhh wow i love it this is totally amazing well done xxx
    laura xxxx

  • beaner81
    April 15, 2007

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    BEAUTIFUL START

    KEEP M' COMIN, 'SENSATIONS OF LIFE CRIPPLES BEFORE ME/I ADMIRE THE LAST PETAL STANDING' - BEAUTY COMES IN A MINUTE' PHRASING - TWINKLE OF STARS - MORTALITY'S SCHEME? I DUNNO. GREAT THOUGH.


  • Soulful Woman silver member
    April 8, 2007

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    Although this wasnt a very long piece..I found that in it was alot of power. The flow and rhyming were very well done. I really liked this one.
    Soulful Woman


  • Manda Kathryn Greeters member
    April 5, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    My Gorgeous Brother John,

    What an interesting read ... the metaphors use are strong && the whole write just keeps the reader entranced from beginning to end

    Wonderful If you do continue this, you should do it as a 'part 2' so it doesn't take the element away from this orginial

    Stay safe
    Much love
    ~Amanda


  • Poetic-Theorem gold member
    April 4, 2007

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    Great!!!!

    John,
    This is great write. The flow is brilliant. Your write grabbed me straight from the beginning and never let go. There are so many deep emotions flowing from this piecs. Continue the great work.

    Take care
    Bo

1 - 8 of 8